kitkatt Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 I am getting married in February and am worried that my fiance won't love my two boys like his own. My fiance has never been married before, and he sometimes shows jealous tendencies when I spend time alone with my two sons, age 5 and 9...He always questions me about my time, whether it's simply taking them to the park for a walk or the movies. What should I do?
ashelygirl Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 It’s hard being in your shoes. Maybe you should all spend time together. You should sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Does he do any activities with the kids? Are their other signs that he might not like the kids? Sometimes you might not notice but you could be spoiling your kids with lots of attention and not giving your fiancé enough. Men are big kids anyways, right?
Ocean-Blue Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I am getting married in February and am worried that my fiance won't love my two boys like his own. My fiance has never been married before, and he sometimes shows jealous tendencies when I spend time alone with my two sons, age 5 and 9...He always questions me about my time, whether it's simply taking them to the park for a walk or the movies. What should I do? Does he know that you come with the two boys - NO QUESTIONS ASKED! I mean, you're their mother, and seeing as how they're minors, you have to parent them (which means spending quality time with them). Why is being insecure? Have you asked him why he questions you? This is a MAJOR issue...something perhaps you should resolve before you go through with the wedding.
kobegirl Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I have to say that i understand your situation . I have a son from a previous relationship. . although my husband didnt have any issues with it at first as my son grew older and i had a second child with my husband I could see the clear difference it the way he interacted with both of them individually. Although they get along fine now , i do believe that no matter how nice the guy is , it is not the same for them to raise a child that is not their own . i would be concerned if you are not married yet and he is already showing signs of issues with you kids. I would hold off on marrying him . this does not mean the end of your relationship , i dont think you need a contract to prove your love to anyone . so dont feel pressured to be married. i would say keep him in your life but not marriage right now . that is of course my opinion , it is your choice though. i think you would be happier not married and just having a serious commited relationship with him .
nittygritty Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 You shouldn't marry a man thats jealous of your kids. You shouldn't even be dating a man thats jealous of your kids. End the relationship and put your kids emotional needs ahead of your own.
Touche Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 In my opinion it is perfectly normal for a stepparent and a stepparent to-be to have those feelings. It's pretty much universal. What matters is what he does with those feelings. How does he treat all of you? Could the jealousy perhaps be warranted? Are you trying to make up for the fact that you're divorced from the children's father by perhaps spoiling them and over-indulging them? Not saying you're doing that, but it's quite common. Just throwing out some things to think about. Also, are you doing things all together? Why isn't your fiance' going to the park or the movies WITH all of you?
Touche Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 One more thing I want to add..No, he'll never, ever love those kids as if they're his own. I can pretty much guarantee you that. So if you're expecting that, forget it. But he CAN care for them and love them in his own way. You don't say how he treats them? Is there a bond at all? If there isn't, I would think twice about marrying this man.
sb129 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 You need to talk about his feelings and expectations (especially with regards to your children) and your feelings and any expectations you have of him (again, with emphasis on your children) BEFORE you get married. ASAP would be ideal. This is an issue that won't go away, and if you get married without at least trying to meet some middle ground you may run into problems.
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I am getting married in February and am worried that my fiance won't love my two boys like his own. My fiance has never been married before, and he sometimes shows jealous tendencies when I spend time alone with my two sons, age 5 and 9...He always questions me about my time, whether it's simply taking them to the park for a walk or the movies. What should I do? I say don't get married... because if you can feel that jealousy tendency before you get married... it will only get worst... He shows 'control issues' when he questions about your time.. This is extremely important for your sons... they are innocent and do NOT deserve someone who will NOT be a GOOD father figure. and imagine if you have another child... will he resent your 2 sons? Only YOU know how bad he is with your sons... so I advise you to be extremely careful... your children ALWAYS have to come first.
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