My ex seems to get colder and colder

[victor_talleyrand]

My couple recently broke up a 3 year long relationship. I am deeply suffering because that person does not want to receive my calls and gets mad when I remind him that I love him and that I am sorry for all I did.

 

Our relationship was not perfect, I know. Moreover, I also know that I made a lot mistakes. I used to feel superior most of the time and I let him know that.

 

Recalling old days I can say that several times I made him feel miserable. He had to cope with my addictions to sleeping pills and he couldn't bear the burden and dumped me.

 

I want to have him back. I am a new man after rehab.

 

How can I show him that I am a new person if he doesn't want me to show it.

 

Please give me your thoughts on this. I would appreciate it

[Spinderella]

Unfortunately, sometimes its just too late. Sometimes they have heard it too many times, and are afraid of being pulled back into a situation they emotionally fought hard to get out of.

Its one of those chalk up to experience times by the sound of it. Its good that you have fixed your problems. I suppose that sometimes the ex may also think, "why did they wait til I had left to make the effort".

At least you are good now for your next relationship.

Maybe one day when emotions have settled you will have the chance to apologise properly. Give both of you some time.

[victor_talleyrand]

Thank you. Maybe you are right. But, I still hope we can be back together.

 

He told me to be friends but, I cannot help telling him that I love him, and we know friends do not do that. To see him as friend is imossible for me to do. I am considering to give this a dramatic closure by not having any contacts with him until he decides to come back.

 

Sometimes I believe he is taking revenge and in doing so he is making me suffer as I made him suffer. I am convinced that this situation is fair because I deserve what I am living but this knowledge does not take the pain away.

[Spinderella]

He may be enjoying seeing you suffer as he suffered, but it doesnt mean that he wants a second go. I know, because Ive been on the recieving end of that one. For one, he may only think you are having an ego reaction to the rejection, but, perhaps also his feelings have really changed now.

I never fought it in my situation, because after some time I realised that I had acted as I did in the relationship, because I was not convinced of him for me. Time apart gave me the perspective to realise how he really wasnt right for me.

This may or may not be the case with you.

If you really believe that he is still in pain, and no longer has trust in you and him as a partnership, but may still love you, then perhaps you can talk some more.

If it really is a closed door now, then you are better off not being friends just yet. So trust in that decision of yours.

[victor_talleyrand]

I think you are right. But it is so difficult not to have contact with him, we own a company together and also I am very close to his family. I just need help on how not to feel bad everytime I see him.

 

I think thigns are going to be worse from this week on. He will travel alone to Argentina for vacation and I am affraid he might go out with someone there. I believe that if he (and even me) see other people and go to bed with other people everything is gonna be much more difficult to fix.

 

I am desperate.

 

I think this has become an obsession and I would need professional help. This seems unbearable.

 

I am aware that I had a life before him and that the show must go on but, everithing I see and do reminds me of him and the good things I lived and ruined.

 

My problem is the guilt I feel for all did and I do not know the right way to apologize.

 

Do you think I should wait some time to properly apologize or should I just do it over and over until he understand how sorry I am.?

 

Do you think that after all I did he will forgive me?

 

I feel as if I were blind, it is impossible for me to have a clear vision of my situation because love is not allowing me to think properly. Please give some advice on how tocope with guilt.

[victor_talleyrand]

Yestreday was a very difficult day for me.

 

We had a conversation and there I told him I was not intending to push him into coming back, but I just wanted him to forgive me for all the bad things I did to him. I asked him if there would ever be a possibility to come back and he did not answer. He just wants us to be friends. I accept that so far, but do you people believe it is possible to see the object of your love and not to feel anything?

 

My life seems incomplete now, my friends at the university are cool but they have their own life. I am not working because I decided to. How am I ever gonna meet someone if my social life is very reduced?

 

I dont know what to do. Please help!!

[alwayshurt]

Time is your answer.

Right now you see everything dark. It's normal.

You need to deal with these emotions and give yourself the time you need to heal.

Don't call him or beg. Don't be friend. Just walk away. The more you stay close to this person the more time you need to move on. It is hard to hear but, honestly, I don't think he will come back to you the way you want it. I have been there and made the mistake to push this person to the extreme, in the attempt to get her back and now she has completely disappeared from my life. It sucks but once they move on chances to get back together are very limited.

Don't hold on that. Just concentrate on yourself and do the things you like to do. One step at the time.

[Spinderella]

I agree that you should not push, or beg for forgiveness.

It may seem to him, that this is still all about you, do you see?

Love lets go, remember?

It really is time to take a break if you cannot help yourself from speaking to him like that. You are not alone, most people go through a phase of doing this. Don't forget also, that guilt makes your actions bigger to you. Guilt will make him perfect, and you into a monster in your mind. You need some time, so it really is a blessing that he is going to Argentina for a while.

You will get stronger, and keep reading the posts here, there are lots of people going through the same sort of emotions. Get yourself strong for when he returns, and for the proper conversation you may be able to have then.

You cannot change his decision, and both of you need time to process things. You also cannot control if he sees other people. Just do for yourself, what you believe is best for you, and also him. Let him go on his own healing journey.

Dont push.

[victor_talleyrand]

Thank you people. You are wiser than me. I will make my best to keep contact to a minimmum. I think that is the best options, actually it is the only one.

 

Thanks again,