Gravedigger Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Hi all, So here's the story. In the beginning of 2007 I was dating a very special woman. It was just one of those moments where two people click from the very first second. We only went out for a couple of months, but I fell in love head over heels. After the breakup we hadn't talked for 4 months when she suddenly contacts me out of the blue on MSN. I thought she blocked me, as I hadn't seen her online for months. Basically she tells me, that she has been thinking a lot about me, still thinks I am oh so sweet and all that jazz. I am a bit confused, seeing as I just managed to forget about her having had a great summer where I had met a bunch of new girls (none of them I had any feelings for though). I was suprised that within a few days, all my thoughts started revolving about my ex. Everytime someone logs on MSN I eagerly expected it to be her and every text message I hoped to be from her. My friends warned me, that I should just slap myself, and ignore her totally seeing how devastated I was when she dumped me in a very sudden and cruel manner that left my head spinning with thoughts of why, what I did wrong and so on. In stead of listening to the good advice from my friends, I kept flirting with her online for a month or so, and eventually I got myself convinced that she actually wants me back. So one day when I was attending a meeting in her city (she moved to another city about 300 km away when we broke up), I text her to ask her out for coffee. Normally she doesn't respond to her text messages immediately, if she even replies. But this time the respond was a very quick YES. So we meet up, and I just generally play it cool, pretending not to be interested, which just got her even more interested. So a few weeks after, I am in town again and I ask her out. We spend the whole day together, but I eventually sense that she is only interested in friendship. We talk until late night and I end up spending the night on her sofa... In the morning, before leaving for my meeting, I gave her a little present (a CD with music that reminds me of her) and a card basically explained how I was still in love with her and what a wonderful person I think she is. Now, I havent heard from her in more than three weeks and it's driving me to tears every day. I am thinking how I could be so stupid to get involved with her again. My friends tell me to cut her out of my life for good, that she is not worth it, but I feel a very special connection with her that I. In fact, she is the first woman I have been in love with since getting divorced three years ago (at the age of 27!!) I could get plenty of dates by just being a badboy-jerk with women, I know for a fact that it works... but that's not me, that's not what I want. I am a nice guy but hate to admit the sentence that "nice guys finish last". I am thinking of writing her one last e-mail to ask her a few questions of what I might have done wrong, but I dont know if it's a good idea or if I should just cut her out of my life period... I simply don't know what to do with myself. Should I just go dating new women or stay away from them for a long time or something completely different.....? Hope you have any good suggestions becaus this is eating me up from the inside. Thanks.
Spinderella Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Sounds like you were maybe attracted to someone who was emotionally unavailable. Perhaps you just werent quite ready for another relationship yet. No why should you avoid all women just because of one bad relationship? You cant expect all relationships to work out. Most people have had loads of failed relationships!
Author Gravedigger Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 Spinderella, thanks. I am definetely ready for this woman, but I don't think she is ready for me. So how do I get her off my mind. The thought of why she dumped me keeps nagging my mind away. Should I just ask her what the reason was and get it out of the system, or just not contact with her at all. Deep inside I want to win her back, but I can't stand spending more energy thinking about her.
BlueEyedSarah Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Best thing for you to do is stop contacting her. She has not responded too well with your card. Leave her. If she tries to contact you then ignore it. Move on buddy. Hang with your friends, they seem like smart careing guys.
Author Gravedigger Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 BlueEyedSarah - thx I will always stick with my friends, I love them very much and they want the best for me too. So you are basically saying that I shouldn't care about why she dumped me, even though the question keeps driving me crazy everyday? Well, it's a tough one, I don't know if I can do it, but I try my best. Will keep you posted if I do something stupid
BlueEyedSarah Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I know how it feels to wonder why someone dumped you without a reason. I know you want closure, but the best thing to do is to move on from it now. Forget about her right now, go be with the people who will help you (family & friends). It will help you keep your mind off wondering the why this and why that
Spinderella Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Further to that. Alot of the time people get dumped because they are both in different places emotionally. Or the emotions develop at different speeds. It does sound as though you fell for her very quickly too. Perhaps even if thats the way you feel, you should hold back on expressing it so soon, because it can make some people feel pressured if they are still getting to know you, and not sure about the relationship yet.
Author Gravedigger Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 Thanks for your comments. I am aware that maybe I should hold back the feelings a bit in the beginning of a relationship. Also to protect myself. If anything, that's what I have learned this time. I am unfortunately terribly impatient sometimes, and I really want a girlfriend, but "you can't hurry love" - thanks for that line Phil Collins I am just starting to think that it's about time for me to meet a special someone, but maybe I'd better just relax and enjoy my single life
Bosiell Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Further to that. Alot of the time people get dumped because they are both in different places emotionally. Or the emotions develop at different speeds. It does sound as though you fell for her very quickly too. Perhaps even if thats the way you feel, you should hold back on expressing it so soon, because it can make some people feel pressured if they are still getting to know you, and not sure about the relationship yet. That is oh so true from past experiences on both sides of the coin. It is of course never easy to judge on how much caring and attention you should give someone. I suppose tho, if you were sure they felt the same way back, then it wouldnt be an issue as much, tho relationships shouldnt be played as a game, sometimes it seems thats the best way.
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