CodeBlue43 Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 hi, this is my first posting and i gotta say this website is addicting, anyway... my girlfriend and i have been dating for a year and a half and have been living together since 3 months into the relationship. i know it seems fast, but we are young and both graduated college needing somewhere to live and it made sense at the time. when we first started dating we were having sex 4 times a day, soon after living together it changed to once every 4 weeks, if i'm lucky. i'm always trying to, and she's always saying no. we've gotten in several heated arguments about it in the past. she says that was just our honeymoon phase and it's normal for couples to do. i think we should slow down a little, but not this much. she also blamed it on her being tired all the time. she worked at a job where she had to be there at 730 am everyday and i'm a bartender, so at the earliest i go to work is at 1000 am. well, now she just started a new job where she gets an extra hour of sleep and is not tired as she was. still no sex. i had recently read an email of hers to a friend talking about how she wants a guy at work to "have her follow him to his office and then he can do her all over his desk." i know i shouldn't have read it, but i'm dying to know what the deal is. i also found out she was looking at porn while i've been at work at night. i know she's horny, and she says she's still interested in me, but what is the deal? i look at plenty of porn too, but that's just because i can't get laid with her anymore. i need advice on bringing some hot nasty sex back into my relationship. i'm afraid that we are gonna turn into just roommates instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. i know find myself not trusting her and thinking that she hasn't cheated on me, but wants to. any ideas???
Krytie TV Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 What more do you need than her wanting a coworker to do her on the desk? I've been through the no sex relationship twice. In my experience, it has never gone back up once it declined. You will likely find that to be the case for you too? Sorry, but it sounds like she lost interest in you sexually. Is there something you're providing her that might be instrumental in her staying with you? Is it your place? Do you pay all the bills? This has the sound of someone keeping a sugar daddy while she has fun elsewhere.
tomwiz Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 I went threw a similiar thing with my ex-gf...we had hte honeymoon bunny thing going on, then after that...things died...basically I just racheted up the romance a bit, breaking our 5 week dryspell with candles flowers and a massage that lead to more, just try to be exciting about it and not so ya know.
Author CodeBlue43 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 yea i see what you're saying, i think the problem is rooted a little deeper just cause we live together and basically she indirectly made me lose my circle of friends kinda so that us two can hang out all the time. now that she has built a couple new friendships a year later she's saying she wants to spend more time apart. i completely agree, just cause the times we see each other are when we are both getting ready for work or both tired and grumpy and off of work, so we should naturally have separate social circles. we end up fighting over the stupidest things. it just pissed me off how she did it all at her convenience. it was really selfish if i think about it too much. anyway has anyone on this site taken a step back and moved out after living together and had it still work? is there a way to gain back our innocence about each other? every time i try to make myself more unavailable she gets mad. its too much about making sure she has the comfort of a strong group of friends and no i'm not her sugardaddy, she actually makes more money than i do. if anyone can follow this incoherent rambling what do you think? if not, well i'll post again more collectively when i have time and she's not around. (we've only got one computer and i don't want her seeing that i'm on this site.) also has anyone successfully gotten their significant other to watch porn with them comfortably? that would be a fantasy of mine, think of what it could lead to
Krytie TV Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 also has anyone successfully gotten their significant other to watch porn with them comfortably? that would be a fantasy of mine, think of what it could lead to I whole-heartedly stand by my original response. You didn't seem to acknowledge that she may have lost interest in you. Maybe it's something you should prepare to come to terms with.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 and no i'm not her sugardaddy, she actually makes more money than i do. if anyone can follow this incoherent rambling what do you think? if not, well i'll post again more collectively when i have time and she's not around. (we've only got one computer and i don't want her seeing that i'm on this site.) also has anyone successfully gotten their significant other to watch porn with them comfortably? that would be a fantasy of mine, think of what it could lead to Ummm... I've been there! I dumped her... and suddenly she wanted me like before. Funny how that crap works!
jophil28 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Ummm... I've been there! I dumped her... and suddenly she wanted me like before. Funny how that crap works! Yeah - Dump her NOW while you stiil have some shred of dignity . SHe is getting ready to cheat - how much evidence do you need ? Man up, confront her with the email ( and don't buy her crap about how you "invaded her privacy") toss her stuff out on the front lawn and start over with someone who values you. Forget trying to "communicate" better with her " or trying to "meet her needs " or some other Oprah type drivel. You are living with a wh0re, dude. Pull that yellow and black lever marked EJECT.
WaterTiger Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Dump her! Do you really want a woman who fantasizes about OTHER guys in YOUR bed???????????
ItIs Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I fifth the others. Time to vote with your feet!
shadowofman Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I'll tell you the same as I tell the ladies in your situation. She probably craves a little variety. Are you interested in sex with anyone else? If so than it seems that maybe the two of you could come to some understanding. I bet you that that would increase the amount of sex the two of you have. If your not into that, find a monogamous girl. There a dime a dozen. Sorry but it seems you have chosen a promiscuous girl.
reelwoman Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I have to agree that she may have lost interest in you sexually, since she clearly hasn't lost interest in sex...no way to know if she is just having fantasies or is cheating unless you ask, I guess. But I do agree with other posts that it's possible to ratchet it back up with some variety----maybe set up some fantasy role-playing or surprise her, suggest something new that you havent' tried? oh, and can I just say...watching porn together is TOTALLY hot!! The guy I'm sorta seeing ( but sadly, am dumping for reasons discussed in another thread) and I love to check out the porn the other one has downloaded. It's awesome and gives you a lot of ideas about what turns the other person on. If you can share that, and be comfortable and not threatened by it, it could really lead to some seriously nasty fun.
Lauriebell82 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Well, your gf is right that sex does die down once you past the honeymoon phase. I don't think it should die down as much as your sex life has however. I have been in the situation your gf has before where I was living with my ex bf and jsut totally lost interest in him. He would pretty much beg me at night to have sex with him and I'd tell him I was too tired and didn't feel like it. Now after the same amount of time with my current bf, I havn't lost my sexual desire for him at all. Sorry to say it, but I really think your gf is losing interest, esp. if she is fanticizing about other guys. I suggest you sit her down and ask her what is going on. Don't grill her or make her feel really bad, just seriously ask her why you aren't having as much sex as you used to. DON'T accuse her of cheating or wanting other guys, just focus on you two. Maybe you could ask her if you are doing something that is making her not want to have sex with you. Maybe suggest spicing things up in the bedroom. She may give you a line of bull, and if she does then I suggest possibly taking a break from one another. I think you def. need to talk to her, because it sounds like she is about to cheat. Feel free to send me a message, I've been in this situation before.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Well, your gf is right that sex does die down once you past the honeymoon phase. I don't think it should die down as much as your sex life has however. I have been in the situation your gf has before where I was living with my ex bf and jsut totally lost interest in him. He would pretty much beg me at night to have sex with him and I'd tell him I was too tired and didn't feel like it. Now after the same amount of time with my current bf, I havn't lost my sexual desire for him at all. He begged you? That had to be a giant turn off right?
reelwoman Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 it's true that that constant sex dies down, but no way this much, as Lauriebells says...and I agree with others who've said NOT to confront her or accuse her. That will just set up a hostile situation where she'll be defensive and you won't get anywhere. Do you WANT to work things out? If so, then figure out a way to talk to her without putting it in terms of what's wrong with her or what she's doing; just talk in terms of how YOU FEEL. That way you can be honest and let her know what your experience of the situation is without making her feel that she has to defend herself. Tell her you really want to know what she's feeling, what she wants, is there something you can do differently, and let her open up to you. In my experience, people respond much better when I've said "I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, I'm just telling you how I feel" and go from there. "The terrible thing is that everyone has their reasons." --Jean Renoir
Lauriebell82 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 He begged you? That had to be a giant turn off right? Yeah, it made me not want to have sex with him even more.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Yeah, it made me not want to have sex with him even more. Was his overall attutude toward you that wimpy? I just get really pushy.... and if I dont get the response I want somebody is going to sleep on the couch. Too much sleeping on the couch and its time she moves out and I move on. Sometimes I feel like I'm too hard. But I dont want to be in CodeBlue's situation either.
jophil28 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I suggest you sit her down and ask her what is going on. Don't grill her or make her feel really bad, just seriously ask her why you aren't having as much sex as you used to. DON'T accuse her of cheating or wanting other guys, WTF ! Relationships are not predicated on PORN or sex - lack of it or lots of it . FRom a MAN"S POV ,relationships survive and florish by women behaving respectfully and in a trustworthy manner, I cannot believe that a real man would sit down and attempt to unearth WHY she wants to cheat . SHe is untrustworthy and not fit to be in a relationship Talk about THAT ! The OP is in a relationship with a cheating lying slvt. A man cannot have a good relationship with a bad woman. NEXT her dude, let her find another street corner to live on.
Timberlane Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I like the EJECT button comment. Ha. Confront her about the e-mail and say, "I suppose this is why you don't have much interest in sex with me, hmm?" That should put it all in perspective. If she wails about how you invaded her privacy, plan your escape. She obviously doesn't care about consequences or your feelings.
Kerewin Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 You checking on her email: bad Her and the other guy: MUCH worse I think you're in the clear to confront her on this one
MikeChurdh Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I agree with Timberlane and Kerewin on this one. I don't think this one is going any where bro, sorry to say. Best to cut her loose now. PLenty of other Fish out in the sea.
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