Author toomuchpain Posted October 20, 2007 Author Posted October 20, 2007 Hi and thanks to everyone that has replied. Just to clarify I have left H or rather I told him to leave which he did over two months ago. We have 4 sons. I have been tested I believe for everything possible and I have had some results back which were ok and I am still waiting for others as Im afraid I didnt go straight away ( brain not working ) I have my first appointment with a therapist on the 31st of this month couldnt get one sooner. I want to see him not to help me make a decision I have already done that but to help me go forward from here. Every day I seem to go over the same things in my head and I want to go forward. H has started legal proceedings to put the house and some joint assets into my name alone. He is doing this thinking I may start to trust him !! I am letting him so that we thats myself and the boys have some security of our own and its one less thing to worry about. Its good for me to be able to talk to people who have been through something similar I dont feel so alone and not such a bloody fool. Again thank you to all for replying and all the best wishes x
sb129 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Sounds like things are getting sorted in a way. You sound like a strong, smart (and even funny in the face of adversity!) woman. You are not a fool- you are now in the know, and you are doing the right thing IMO. I personally could never trust someone who had done this kind of thing ever again. Whether they were a sex addict or not (I can't help but think that is a convenient excuse for his behaviour), but even if he WAS a sex addict, that would breach trust as much as if he had been any other kind of addict in secret. You will go forward- each day you go forward a little bit more, even if it doesn't feel like you are.
Author toomuchpain Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Hi, I Dont personally believe my H has a sex addiction, more likely a thrill seeker that for want of a better word likes strange. I know I have done the right thing in asking him to leave. It dosent make it any easier to live with though. Ùp until 3 months ago I thought we had a really good marriage, we talked and laughed together all the time and he was I thought my best friend. Its not as though he needed to go elsewhere for sex either we had a really good sex life. I have asked him on numerous occasions why ? he states he dosent know himself, he states he had everything he wanted. We had no problems we were happy. Maybe thats why in my initial post I asked the question re sex addiction. I want to know why and maybe I never will. I know I can never be with him again he thinks with therapy I can get over it. I dont need therapy to tell me that I know I cant. I cannot look at him now without thinking of all the women he has seen and held and done things with that he should only have done with me. I trusted him implicitly and that has gone for good. I know I will get better one day, somedays are ok but somedays are awful. I cry all the time. H wants he says to take the pain away. But he put it there how can he make it right. Thank you all of you for allowing me to vent and for taking the trouble to respond to my ramblings. Anyway I want to finish with hopefully a smile. A man spent all day at the pub consuming copious amounts of alcohol. He then returns home where his wife is asleep in bed. He gets into bed with her. His wife awakes to find that her husband has started to make love to her. Slightly disgruntled she asks What are you doing ? To which he replies I am shagging the arse off you. She then takes her little finger and starts to tap him very very gently on the forehead. What are you doing? he asks. To which she replies When you have finished shagging the arse off me I will have caved your head in !!!!
Kasan Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I know I can never be with him again he thinks with therapy I can get over it. I dont need therapy to tell me that I know I cant. Your husband sounds like he is in la-la land. I agree with your husband that therapy should be a good option for you based on your past history, but not to help you work out the issues that caused him to be have many affairs. That is just unbelievable!!! This man turned your world upside down, and I am sure that you are questioning every aspect of your marriage. He had no intention of not cheating when he married you. He owed you the truth that he was involved in a threesome (and wasn't going to stop) before you got married. You should have had the right to make a decision ten years ago. Instead, he put your health at risk with his behavior. We all have our tolerances and breaking points in a marriage. Sounds like yours has been reached. Do not blame yourself if you can--he just wasn't what he claimed to be. I am really sorry.
Author toomuchpain Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 He had no intention of not cheating when he married you. He owed you the truth that he was involved in a threesome (and wasn't going to stop) before you got married. You should have had the right to make a decision ten years ago. Instead, he put your health at risk with his behavior. K I have said the above to him so many times. I had the right to know!! I had the right... I should have been given the option to run like hell and I wasnt and that really gets to me. He married me on a lie and it has continued every day of our married life. When he asked me to marrry him not at any time did he say " oh and by the way I am a cheating lieing Sh** and have absolutely no intention of changing my ways once we are married. I havent been faithful to anyone my entire life and will put your life at risk by fu***** anyone with a pulse. Would you still like to marry me." !!!!! H says it was only a small part of our marriage that was a lie all the rest was true. Dont ask me how he works that out I have no idea. I think he compartmentalises things they all have there own boxes. Cant for the life of me work out how he can but thats what he seems to do. Therapist just rang to say he has a cancellation and I can go in the morning @ 9 said yes but must admit not looking forward to it. Will let you know outcome of first ever session X
Kasan Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 H says it was only a small part of our marriage that was a lie all the rest was true. Therapist just rang to say he has a cancellation and I can go in the morning @ 9 said yes but must admit not looking forward to it. Will let you know outcome of first ever session X You don't want to spend another moment in your marriage questioning what is the truth and what is a lie. Life is way too short to live it like this. I am so glad that you are seeing a therapist--he/she will give you some new perspective to look at all this with...take all of your thoughts and funnel them into a new direction. It's a good thing.
Recommended Posts