uniqueone Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 I was corresponding with the out-of-towner that I mentioned in a previous thread. This is a guy from the personals who was supposedly supposed to be in my city today. He seemed funny....similar sense of humor and all....but the problem was.....he wasn't asking me things. See..if I'm corresponding with someone (they inititate btw), I'll throw in a question or two. If they give their responses to what I've asked about, but don't ask ME anything, I might make a second attempt at it. If they do it AGAIN (respond to what I asked about but don't ask anything), I figure I'm talking to a dud. So now I found out that the out of towner is a dud. After he did the dud response for the second time, I gave a VERY short response (about two sentences) and I didn't ask him anything. After that, he wrote back this: [COLOR=#333333]Alright here's the deal... If you're not into it so far... you probably won't be (not that there isn't a lot we may have in common) But... I'm not really into it for the penpal aspect... so... if we're just e-mailing just for the heck of it... then let's save each other the time...as this thing turns into work way too quickly... or...? The downside of our sarcasm and brand of humor is that we may miss an opportunity whilst we're busy being humorous... ...ahhh... let's just skip it and right it off as similar... but no match.... Good Luck [/COLOR] I wrote back and explained why it didn't go anywhere (his lack of inquiring about me). This isn't the first time I've encountered this type. They seem to have a lot going for them otherwise but in this area, they don't seem to get it. They act like a bump on the log and they want the other person to run the whole show. Errr.....no thanks. He's cute and appears to be a professional....but I don't care. I don't like the apathetic attitude. I mean HE contacted ME to begin with. If he really thinks I'm going to be so enthralled by him that I'm going to run cartwheels around him, I've got news for him. The bad part is, this kind of stuff just starts making me think of the guy I'm trying to forget......
Replicant Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Although personal ads surely have many upon many success stories. I'm biased to think most are doomed to being just duds because they lack that social interaction of when you physically meet someone and develop a genuine interest that way in one another. Apathetic is a good word, the emotion lacks in the sense of the virtual corresponding. Not like sitting down on a dinner date asking the same questions getting to know someone from the get go.
Author uniqueone Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 Although personal ads surely have many upon many success stories. I'm biased to think most are doomed to being just duds because they lack that social interaction of when you physically meet someone and develop a genuine interest that way in one another. Apathetic is a good word, the emotion lacks in the sense of the virtual corresponding. Not like sitting down on a dinner date asking the same questions getting to know someone from the get go. I've found those online who know how to present themselves and how to interact online. Unfortunately, more often than not, you find out they're good at it with oh so many women..... But they do exist. I'm sure there are a lot of dud women too...ones who can't hold a conversation or write and engaging email. I think some of it might even be traced back to our society. Today, kids are sat in front of a tv or a computer at a young age and are entertained. They're used to being entertained without putting forth any effort. Gone are the days when you had to use your imagination and make a refrigerator box into a "house" or a "fort". It's all part of the dumbing down of America. Here's a true story..... My personals profile is rather funny/witty. I had a guy write to me awhile back and I started asking him about himself. He asked me "where's that funny girl from the ad?" He expected me to be his friggin' stand up comedienne! (I was tempted to respond with "Sorry....shows are at 7 and 10 pm only.......")
Replicant Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 I'm positive there are many people whom can respond and present themselves properly. Just like i'm sure there is a massive success story behind many also. Though i'm willing to bet an even higher failure rate due to a generic apathy of playing an online numbers game. The whole thing runs the gambit which could be a seemingly decent marketed dating site, to opposite end of the spectrum which a place like Craigslist would likely be a good candidate for the shadier element to roam. The problem is duds will exist across all those levels like you say both men and women. Nor is it surprising many whom get so into that routine could fire off the same letter/response surely to all people of interest and if it works out quick great if not well who cares!? just dive back into the pool because it's already filled for me! Where as i think it does lack that adrenaline, excitement or just plain wow! factor of approaching a women and of course dating her. Everything being direct contact instead of something done remotely. They're used to being entertained without putting forth any effort. Gone are the days when you had to use your imagination and make a refrigerator box into a "house" or a "fort".'Myspace' these days takes on a whole different meaning
Author uniqueone Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 'Myspace' these days takes on a whole different meaning :laugh: So true! Hey, I remember building a fort out of snow and then lying down in it like I was going to sleep there for the night. I thought it was so cool.....I'm actually surprised the parents realized I was missing....there were a lot of us.....
Timberlane Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 I once called up a nice woman from the online dating store and we had the absolute worst excuse for a conversation I have ever experienced. She talked incessantly about her dog, how it was a rescue dog, how it misbehaved, how she still stuck with it, etc, etc. I listened, and of course asked questions to show I was interested. Not one of my questions merited so much as a sound, much less an answer. The monologue then turned to other things like how she sews. Now mind you, this woman was not all happy and glowing. Rather, she was just very seriously considering her words. Not once did she ask about me. No, "So how about you?" I began to feel like I was invisible. After about a half hour of no response, I started throwing out oddball sarcasm to see if it registered. It didn't, or at least I couldn't tell. I finally just had to get off the phone. Goodbye, I said. Some people just do not connect with others. They have no empathy. They can't imagine what the audience thinks. It's just them in their little bubble.
Author uniqueone Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 I once called up a nice woman from the online dating store and we had the absolute worst excuse for a conversation I have ever experienced. She talked incessantly about her dog, how it was a rescue dog, how it misbehaved, how she still stuck with it, etc, etc. I listened, and of course asked questions to show I was interested. Not one of my questions merited so much as a sound, much less an answer. The monologue then turned to other things like how she sews. Now mind you, this woman was not all happy and glowing. Rather, she was just very seriously considering her words. Not once did she ask about me. No, "So how about you?" I began to feel like I was invisible. After about a half hour of no response, I started throwing out oddball sarcasm to see if it registered. It didn't, or at least I couldn't tell. I finally just had to get off the phone. Goodbye, I said. Some people just do not connect with others. They have no empathy. They can't imagine what the audience thinks. It's just them in their little bubble. Strangely the last guy I was involved with seemed so interested....asked questions....etc.... he was a great conversationalist. But in this book I'm reading on narcissism, it mentions that some N's will appear to show a lot of interest in you (that's when they're in their phase of Idealizing the person) So...that's something to watch I guess. The fact that the person asks questions isn't always a guarantee to mean the person is a decent person to be with.
Author uniqueone Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 This should probably be a separate thread but I don't want to start another one.....I start too many as it is...... Speaking of N's, if you sent an N some information about N's, would they see themselves in it?
Timberlane Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 This should probably be a separate thread but I don't want to start another one.....I start too many as it is...... Speaking of N's, if you sent an N some information about N's, would they see themselves in it? Good question. I think this is a good tangent, as it's certainly a possible reason for some of the bad conversational skills we are seeing. One aspect of narcissists that I never considered before is that they feel they are victims and hence are deserving of better things at any cost. Odd, isn't it? They sometimes love and despise themselves at the same time. I doubt the woman I spoke with was a narcissist, however. She was just very poorly socially adjusted I think. She worked late hours as a nurse, probably spoke to very few people for years, and had a schedule that had her sleeping in the daytime. I doubt she had many close friends because of that. So she got weird. I wanted to call her back just to see if she was different on another day.
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