blon_dee Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 My original post is called "So Devastated". Basically live in partner of 9mths- all seemingly perfect until i read some emails. Turns out he was on an adult sex site emails indicating intention to hook up with people for sex. This had been going on for approximately 6 weeks. I kicked his butt out right there and then. Since, he is protesting innocence, saying "it was just talk" i thought we had lost the spark in our relationship, i never acted on it.. blah blah.. Begging me to take him back, telling me he loves me, he was such a fool, he doesnt know why he did it, he swears he never met with anyone ..... He has relentlessly emailed and txt me with apologies and explanations, he yesterday gave me his log in details to the site so i could see the emails for myself. Funny thing out of 451 emails sent in those 6 weeks, and over 200 received, there were just 25 emails in the sent box and none in the received. What i did read was nothing particularly interesting. One email sent on MONDAY (Before he got home and i kicked him out) was a response to someone asking what he was looking for on the site - his response "I thought i was looking for something, but now i am starting to doubt it". I am just torn in 2. Half of me doesnt even want to consider a second chance, and half of me still sees that man that i love,and wants to believe it was just a stupid thing he has done. But even if i did agree to a second chance, i dont know how to go about trusting him I dont know if i ever could. He has said he will do absolutely anything to get back my trust. Any ideas here???? Im so desperate.......... Thanks
Pentula77 Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Funny thing out of 451 emails sent in those 6 weeks, and over 200 received, there were just 25 emails in the sent box and none in the received. What i did read was nothing particularly interesting. so now he's modified his emails to plead his case...sounds like tampering with evidence to me
Fancee Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Blondee, you are not going to ever get that trust back. You need your eyes wide open anyway. I use to get hurt easy like you. My best friend said to me because you always think you found a prince.Then when you find out you got a frog you feel let down. They all frogs - they not perfect. Princess Di thought she had a prince too. I can't believe he actually sent out that much email. He must have just copy and paste the same old junk mail lines.(lol) U already know how I feel about the internet. I don't even care if he go with them online just long as it stay online. I would be saying how many women you got now, baby? I would just laugh. I believe you can still love him. You need to let him love all the hurt away. You need to tell him he is going to have to love all the hurt away. Once you do this and have quiet times and movies with him about a day or so maybe a week you will be fine. It will all come back, that secure feeling.
Author blon_dee Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 Anyone else got anything to say??? He called my mum yesterday crying, begging for forgiveness, and still maintaining that it never went past emails and "talk". He sent me a dozen red roses and a sorry card. He keeps texting how muc hhe loves me.. he is not giving up. I emailed a few of the people i had the email addresses of from his emails to them, they emailed me back and said that they never did meet with him. Its just so confusing. I want to believe hes made a mistake, and although i dont know how i wuold trust him again, i could live with that. If he has physically cheated, i cant live with that, but i will never know. Any more input please guys???
Pentula77 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I think there is only one solution to your problem. Get him to take a lie detector test...
Fancee Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Blondee, if you love him you got to give in and try and see. Because have you have been broken hearted and had to suffer thru weak and crying. You know how that pain toughens you up. You feelings for that person get seered like with hot iron. You just don't have it for them anymore. Well suppose you keep him hanging to long out there suffering from his sins and he toughen up. You finally take him back- he want have it for you.(you got to be reasonable with time) Plus you making him pay and realize he was wrong and how much he really loved you. He thought wrong and he found out he can't live without you. Of course I know you not trying to literally make him pay but he is. Crying and roses. Wait til he ask you for dinner then you know thats the sign to take him back. He is learning the power of love. I know you love him because that stuff hurts to bad. If he had really cheated- once you get over that hurt you can't love him anymore cause that hurts too, bad. Nothing really happened. But he gone be cared of you. He is not going risk your jealousy again. You paying back now and teaching him a lesson. You not no floormat - that he could just walk over. I am happy about your flowers.
Author blon_dee Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Yeah... i wish i could do that.. Dont think its that easy to get a lie detector test done... He has come and spoke with my mum and step dad, we had a family discussion with all of us. Mum put him through the ringer and now they also believe him that he never acted on it, and we've addressed all the other issues we were having with the relationship. Mum and my step dad are even saying to me now, "Everyone deserves a second chance" and the man in question is almots going overboard with being totally devoted. I am still struggling with it inside. Although my gut feeling says he didnt act on it, he still did what he did...
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 When you went on holiday did you take your daughter with you? Or was it just the two of you?
Pentula77 Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 so what happened to all the emails in his sent box ?
Toolate Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Sounds like he was in a rut, hence the sex sites, IMO if he was cheating he wouldnt be so hell bent on getting you back. I took my EX back when she left, we had been together 12 years and left for 2 months, no cheating that i know of, but she was staying with a girl i dont know out of town, had one suspisious text and changed her phone number when she came back.. But for some reason my gut tells me she wasnt, of course it still comes up but i feel its more me than any proof that i might have, ive always been this way. Its gonna be one of those deals where you have to accept what he says or not. But if he wants to fix this, he should be prepared to answer or prove to you anything you want.
Author blon_dee Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Thanks for your opinions. Pentula, he admitted to deleting a lot of the emails. I know.. sounds suss. He has been answering all of the questions i have and is still maintaining his innocence madly... Its a hard one i know....
Pentula77 Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 Blon-dee, read No more Mr Nice Guy by R. Glover....there are parts in it that will really help you understand your guy. Give him the book as well. I'm pretty sure you answer is in there but in the last few chapters.
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