angie16 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 i am 7 weeks out of a 2 year realtionship. I still love him and want to get back wtih him. I haven't told him that specifically, after i moved out we have only seen each other once (to do the mail exchange). I wrote him about a week ago and told him how i care about him and how important he was to me and what a great person he is. (he wrote back that my letter brought him to tears) but that was it. so my question is... do i meet him and tell him that i want to try again? I am just scared to death of being rejected again, but i do think that the time apart has really helped me at least, realize how important he is and that i want him in my life. I got obsessed about getting engaged, his father died, and i couldn't shake wanting to get married. I was miserable and had basically made our whole realtionship about getting the ring. I know now, and i can say honestly, that being with him and having him in my life is more important than the status of getting engaged. i just don't know if i put mysefl out there like that and he says no, that the devestation might just ruin me. I have been trying to date, got a new place, and even got a promotion at work, i lost some weight and starting working out. I really think i am in a much better place to be with him, but i dont' know how to show him that. so my question is, is it even worth trying to get back together? your opinions would be helpful.
fabulousgal Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 i don't think any amount of opinons can tell you what is going to happen with any degree of certainty. some relationships may be able to reconcile, some not. If you want to try, do so with your expectations set low, and if he says no, you will have to eventually move on.
MattyTee Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I agree with fabgal, no one can say for sure what will happen. Plenty of people will tell you that the chances are very low etc. but I wouldn't let that sway your choice. I believe the important things are to be able to take a step back and look at the relationship. If it's worth fighting for then you will have to accept the risk of being rejected. If the risk of rejection is too high then perhaps you have your answer. Sorry I can't say more Sooo tired after 15 hours at work.
kirikat Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 This depends. I just had a meeting with my ex, and we both want to try again. The problem is that the issues that broke us up still remain. In the 2.5 months we have been apart, I have grown enough to realize clearly what it is I want and have a right to expect. He is still in the same ditch he went to die in. Of course its possible, but not unless you both grow a bit during your time apart.
Author angie16 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 at times, i miss him for so many reasons. And i am trying to get back out there. and i have learned a lot. I had to get out the mindset i was stuck in, being obsessed about getting married to realize how much i wanted this man in my life -- marriage or not. but i feel like he's made a choice, to let me go, and that its pathetic to try and get back. Like since he finished things off... he should be the one trying to get me back. Plus... i dont' know what he's doing or thinking... or if he even cares.
jhend2887 Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 at times, i miss him for so many reasons. And i am trying to get back out there. and i have learned a lot. I had to get out the mindset i was stuck in, being obsessed about getting married to realize how much i wanted this man in my life -- marriage or not. but i feel like he's made a choice, to let me go, and that its pathetic to try and get back. Like since he finished things off... he should be the one trying to get me back. Plus... i dont' know what he's doing or thinking... or if he even cares. It's not pathetic. If you love him then go for it. Wouldn't you rather find out that he doesn't want you then to live your life in regret and never be able to move on?
kirikat Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Hold on though.... You want a life partner. Does he not want you as a life partner? Or is he not ready for this yet. Listen, please be careful here. Do not sell out what you want in the future for anyone. If he doesnt want YOU as a partner (he just wants you in his life....) - then you might find yourself in a situation where he ends up using you while he is on the lookout for "the perfect woman".... Just please, be careful, OK?
Author angie16 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 Hold on though.... You want a life partner. Does he not want you as a life partner? Or is he not ready for this yet. Listen, please be careful here. Do not sell out what you want in the future for anyone. If he doesnt want YOU as a partner (he just wants you in his life....) - then you might find yourself in a situation where he ends up using you while he is on the lookout for "the perfect woman".... Just please, be careful, OK? Thanks Kiri, I am just going to lay low through the holidays i think. I am trying to get on with my life but when i am out on a date i only think of how well my ex and i were together, and i miss him. so much. i just can't believe he hasn't tried to get back together. I am really shocked and hurt. he told me he'd be by my side forever. oh well.
MattyTee Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 *hugs* Angie! Stupid ol' me went through some old letters the other day. Lots of "We'll always be together" and "I want to be with you forever". It's very difficult when things change so much - that's been one of the hardest things for me. Almost 3 weeks NC now!
Author angie16 Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 thanks again for the hugs. I realize now that i am so better off. NC for real now, no more anything. thanks everyone :-). I am looking forward to my 2 dates this weekend!
Author angie16 Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 well the 2 dates were so so, but out of the blue my ex called yesterday. we talked for a little over an hour. we caught up, and we talked about us. He told me he missed me very much and that he still loved me. I said i felt th same. The gist basically was that he is alone, and mourning his father that passed in feb. That he needs to "figure things out" on his own and see where he is after that (there is no time frame, could be 3 weeks or 5 months more). Says he does want to hang out in a few weeks, i said that i don't know how i feel or what the rules are for these things, but that I'm here and i don't want him to be lonely. He said he has to be right now to "hit bottom before he can get better". I felt good after the call, but i am wondering if I am just being naieve. Wouldn't he want me with him again if he is so lonely? Wouldn't he want to try again since clearly i am still in love with him? Why risk waiting an indefinite amount of time, when i could theoretically meet someone else and then not be available? I guess I am asking? Am i a fool? Or is he sincere? (i really think he is), but i am scared i am doing myself more harm by keeping this flame going in my heart and not 100% moving on. I know he is not going out and sleeping all day at home after work. And the time apart has been good, I know that he for me is the one now for sure, and that he is the person i want to be with, and i'm not just obsessed with getting married anymore.
MattyTee Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Well Angie, I'm sure you'll get lots of different responses on this one. No one can really tell you what he's thinking and whether what he is saying is sincere or whether it's 'keeping you on a string'. Personally I am a strong believer in being honest (both with yourself and others). If, as you say, he is the one person you want to be with then does it matter that he needs some time to figure things out? The truth is that people do get confused in life, they do get into a downward spiral and often don't know how to cope. Assuming he's being honest with you then I think it takes a strong person to say that they aren't ready for something and that they need to be alone. It sounds like you really love him and in the end you are the only person that knows how long you can wait for him. He knows that you could meet someone else and he'd have lost out and he's still said that he needs time - that perhaps indicates how important this is. To just give you a slightly different perspective on it, I now know that if my ex called me and wanted to get back together I would say that I love her very much and I would love to try again but I'm not ready (if you've read any of my posts you will know how much I desperately hope she will ). The truth is I'm not ready, I have some things to go through now and I'm not going to be able to do that in a relationship. I've been rambling a bit as it is late, but the summary is that if you really love him and you believe he is sincere with you - then why not just wait and see what happens. You can use that time as well to work on yourself - treat it as NC perhaps. You don't have to act like you are waiting on him - just live your life day-to-day as you would. Sorry if that isn't much help
Author angie16 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 thats great advice matty. I guess the hardest thing is taking the first step and just the fear that naturally comes after. That its really over. That he may never try and get back, that its over. but you're right. he's not ready, its obvious, and i can't keep waiting here like this emotionally. I have tried to date, have gone out a few times with a couple of guys, but it makes it so much worse. i think of how we got along with ease, and how much fun it was just to be with him, even if we were doing nothing, and it breaks my heart. we had such nice weather here this past weekend, and i went to the local park and sat on a bench and just watched all the couples, and i was so sad. I just don't know how this all happened. I can't believe it. Even after 2 months i am still slapped in the face by the reality that he is gone.
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