slider Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I am dating a woman 13 year older than me and has a 5 year old. We used to work together and thought she was probably 5 years older. The people who we worked with all say we are perfect for each other. I told my parents about this relationship because i see it going far. If we stand next to each, one would think we are the same age. The problem I have is the negative comments I get from my parents. They say that im too naive to see the reality of things, that she has control of me and so forth. My father says that i will regret it 2 or so years down the lie. What can i possibly regret if I love the woman. She has never been married and still lives with her mother. She has asked me to come and see the family. My parents say I have been blinded with love that I do not see her real intentions. I have talked with her about the age issue and her having a baby, its something which nether one of us can change. I have never really been in a proper relationship but things seem so perfect with her, its so much real.
Author slider Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 How old are you? I'm 22. I live on my own so I'm not dependent on anyone.
reboot Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Then you're old enough to make your own mistakes.
Author slider Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 Then you're old enough to make your own mistakes. What do you mean? Can I be making a mistake. I want to know if they is any good in dating her. Is it a good thing or bad thing. We love each other though some people do not approve of the relationship.
reboot Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 You can't predict the future. If we could there would never be mistakes. I was simply saying, you're grown, it's time for your parents to let you make your own decisions. I have no idea (and neither does anyone else here) if it's a mistake or not. Only time can tell that. If you sit around worrying that everything you do might be a mistake, you're never going to do anything. What kind of life is that?
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I always kind of chuckle when people say "everyone says we are perfect together" because what other people think really doesn't matter. Also, what people look like has nothing to do with it either. You state that you figured she was only 5 years older, and you also state when you are together people can't tell that she is 13 years older, as if this validates your relationship more. (They probably can, but it's not like they're going to tell you.) Hey, who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Yep. I say keep seeing her but don't commit to the level of marriage. I mean, she didn't find that marriage was necessary to have a kid, there is no reason to marry her now. Just enjoy it and see where it goes but absolutely do not marry her, there is no need for that, unless she is looking for a baby daddy. When the relationship breaks up, then you can look for a marrying woman to have your own kids with you.
spookie Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I always kind of chuckle when people say "everyone says we are perfect together" because what other people think really doesn't matter. Also, what people look like has nothing to do with it either. You state that you figured she was only 5 years older, and you also state when you are together people can't tell that she is 13 years older, as if this validates your relationship more. (They probably can, but it's not like they're going to tell you.) Hey, who are you trying to convince? Yourself? Yep. I say keep seeing her but don't commit to the level of marriage. I mean, she didn't find that marriage was necessary to have a kid, there is no reason to marry her now. Just enjoy it and see where it goes but absolutely do not marry her, there is no need for that, unless she is looking for a baby daddy. When the relationship breaks up, then you can look for a marrying woman to have your own kids with you. So because she is odler and has a child, she isn't worthy of marriage? I find this so offensive. To the OP - it'll work out if you both want similar things and are willing to compromise. What kind of relationship are you looking for? Where and with whom do you hope to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10? Her?
Lizzie60 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I am dating a woman 13 year older than me and has a 5 year old. We used to work together and thought she was probably 5 years older. The people who we worked with all say we are perfect for each other. I told my parents about this relationship because i see it going far. If we stand next to each, one would think we are the same age. The problem I have is the negative comments I get from my parents. They say that im too naive to see the reality of things, that she has control of me and so forth. My father says that i will regret it 2 or so years down the lie. What can i possibly regret if I love the woman. She has never been married and still lives with her mother. She has asked me to come and see the family. My parents say I have been blinded with love that I do not see her real intentions. I have talked with her about the age issue and her having a baby, its something which nether one of us can change. I have never really been in a proper relationship but things seem so perfect with her, its so much real. I was 5 years (common law) with a guy who was 12 years younger.... I looked younger for my age, he looked older... eventhough everyone knew about the age gap... it didn't bother us... What others think is not going to stop me from living MY life. The only difference is that my guy was 32 (almost 33) when I met him... I was 45. That was 10 years more than you... I find you a little bit young for a 'serious' relationship... but hey... it's your life.. go for it... You are already in love so I don't think that any advice would help at this stage... just go where your heart leads you... period. I also had flings with men in early 20s and they were much more interesting and 'mature' than a few older guys I've been with... so age is sometimes just a number... Good luck!... keep us informed... These stories always interest me...
Replicant Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I am dating a woman 13 year older than me and has a 5 year old. We used to work together and thought she was probably 5 years older. The people who we worked with all say we are perfect for each other. I told my parents about this relationship because i see it going far. If we stand next to each, one would think we are the same age. The problem I have is the negative comments I get from my parents. They say that im too naive to see the reality of things, that she has control of me and so forth. My father says that i will regret it 2 or so years down the lie. What can i possibly regret if I love the woman. She has never been married and still lives with her mother. She has asked me to come and see the family. My parents say I have been blinded with love that I do not see her real intentions. I have talked with her about the age issue and her having a baby, its something which nether one of us can change. I have never really been in a proper relationship but things seem so perfect with her, its so much real. Aside from the small things like the age difference or her having a kid look at positive side of what can come from a cougar like that Experience!
Author slider Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Hey guys, after almost two years I have had to come back to this forum and seek advice. I have decide to end the relationship as it wasnt working out. Things just moved way too fast, and I was too much in love to notice and just went along with it. She wanted to get married and I couldn't go with it. Thanks you for all the comments, some were helpful. We have given each other unitill the end of the month while we get our stuff sorted out. Will she try and save the realtionship during this time though I have made my point clear. Its hurts me to have to do this to her, though I feel she deserve a lot better than what I can offer her. I cant stand the child as well.
stepka Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 That's a very good reason to not get married. Please save yourself and the kid the stress of having a poor relationship, b/c if it's bad now, it probably won't get better--that child will be a teenager some day. Hey, I love kids, but my ex was so bitter about his stepfather and blamed all of his emotional baggage on the step. Not that I'm saying you're at fault slider--some kids are really bratty.
mytigerlily Posted September 10, 2009 Posted September 10, 2009 I guess you will need to believe the line "age does not matter". If you love the person, then fight for it. As long as there is a good reason on that. If your parents believe that there is "something" on her, do not argue with them. Know the person really well and see her true self. Remember that you have your own happiness but parents know well. Just balance things off, know the woman you are into right now. Prove to your parents that they are wrong or they may prove that they are right.
Author slider Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 What's the child's problem? Or, what's your problem (with the child)? The child is naughty, when he is angry he beats his mother and shouts at her with passion. The child has got no discipline what so ever. I came to my senses and realized that i wasn't going to be a father here. I just regret i didnt listen in the first place, i guess thats why we say "we learn from out mistakes"
Author slider Posted September 20, 2009 Author Posted September 20, 2009 My advice to anyone dating older women by a big age difference my age, if there is that slight doubt. Its better to end things there. People who you dont know and family will always tell you the truth when it comes to these matters.
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