carolinaboy Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 This is a mystery to me, but I realize when I think back that my ex was never really into what I was all about. She used to tell me she didnt like the songs I wrote, she would tell me that she could see me with some girl that was really my "type." Funny, I thought SHE was my type. My friends told me that one night at the bar she said I wasnt that smart but the sex was good (she says she was joking/denies that). She moved away for a month and stayed gone for four. She had her sister and mother move in with us when we decided to move in. The sister intentionally, the mother inadvertently. Once we broke up she said she never was IN LOVE with me, but more like "I love that guy." She said she was fighting herself while in a relationship with me for 2 1/2 years. She has a twin sister and had a brother die about 4-5 months into our relationship....ever since then, I wanted to be understanding and to let her go do her thing, b/c i realize how important the value of life is and as an only child, I have no idea what it's like to have a sibling, much less a twin. So I was in love with her desperately (for better lack of the word) and she just wasnt trying to have it. I wasnt trying to be needy/spineless intentionally, but I think by not having enough backbone to tell her to piss off when she would say hurtful things, I screwed myself over. She is now with some guy that doesnt really care if she stays or goes, lives a coast away, has alot of the same personality traits she detested in me and she says it's love. that he really understands her and i never did. that may be true, but I wish I had'nt made myself such a doormat. She broke up with me twice and she came back in the past. I shouldnt have taken her back, she's just the first girl I ever loved. the problem is, I got to move on, meet someone else. it's hard, all hookups ive had since we broke up 3 mos ago have been disastrous. i go back and forth between wanting to be her friend and just never wanting to see her again. thinking about the lack of support on her behalf makes me think i should never look back. love's a b**ch eh?
Author carolinaboy Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 i was just thinking of the things that would keep me from trying to get back in that conundrum.
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