Brooks06 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 So I tried the no contact thing for about a week while my ex was out of town. We hadn't directly spoken since the initial breakup so I was starting to get anxious. The night she got in town; however, I received a text saying "I love you." I didn't respond. Two hours later she sent another one saying "Is it too late?"...Still, I didn't answer. She called, but I didn't answer. And this was killing me not to talk to her so after the second time she called I called her back. The first thing she said was "I love you." I was very short and told her I couldn't discuss this right now. She panicked and asked if I was going to call her back. I told her I don't know, maybe, I just need to think for awhile. She sounded very worried and told me she would have her phone by her until I finally called. I was simply playing the game and had every intention of calling her back, I just wanted her to think about it for a little bit. Knowing we were about to get in a long conversation about things I decided I didn't want to speak over the phone and drove to her house. I called her back and she was crying and asked if I was through with her and I told her to walk outside. She walked out the door still crying and saw me and we both froze. We stared at each other for what seems like eternity until we both ran up to each other and hugged for a solid 15 minutes. I should have left it at that, but we decided to sit and talk. It ended up being a two hour conversation that ended with her saying "I still think we should be single for now and should ease back into this. I'm still not ready, I want to start talking, but lets take it slow." This caught me off guard but I agreed. Later that night I got kind of pissed and felt like she was leading me on so I sent her a text and said "I think meeting with you might have been a mistake. I dont know if Im ready to talk yet. Call me tomorrow and if I answer Ill be ready, if not, just be patient." This backfired because the next day she sent me a text telling me she is going to give me back my stuff. I called her and asked her why and she just went off saying it was a mistake to talk to me, she still isn't ready to start talking, and she needs her space. I wrote her a long email that night telling her I cant keep doing this and playing these games. She responded saying "I love you, I'm not gone forever. Just need time and space. I am too stressed right now and I'm just not ready to talk. Just let me breathe." What the hell is she thinking? Any advice? I mean the night we met up we talked and laughed and it ended with a kiss and both of us saying I love you...but now she is cold and distant again and is telling me to wait. Should I? I just dont know. I cant read her right now. I love her so much, but what is she doing?
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Give her her space. It may seem impossible but his really sounds like a relationship that is NOT over. Do your own thing but do not contact her. I swear to you, she will be thinking about you regardless of what your mind may tell you after a period of not being in contact. I have made ALL of the classic mistakes and looking back, I would have liked to have done what would be best for both parties. You will probably feel the need to connect, via phone or text. Do not do it... Just for now. Think of it that way. Just for now. She is NOT over you, not even close and if you show her that you respect yourself and her request, it will be the best decision you could make. She is confused but I do not get ANY indication from what you said that she doesn't love you, she does. Also everyone says do what's best for YOU as well! Be strong, it will work out the way it's supposed to. Have faith and if you care for her, give her some time. She WILL miss you. At least that's what I seem to believe after reading your post. Oh and most importantly... Focus on the positive in yourself! You deserve to be happy!
Author Brooks06 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 yeah thanks...i mean i couldn't imagine this being over with forever, and I am really trying to respect her "space" but its hard when she is playing these games. I know she is really stressed and she told me I am not helping by trying to talk to her about everything, but at the same time I had gone a week with giving her nothing until she text me. Its like she is giving me just enough to keep me from moving on. And I dont know, she is still planning to go to the same college I am at, but its really hard to not talk to someone I was best friends with for years. I dont know why she is playing these games with me, but yeah, its time to start focusing on me and only me. Today was the first day I was able to sit through all my classes without constantly thinking about her. And I just signed up for the Naval ROTC program at my school so hopefully that will help occupy my time. I want her back, but I know I have probably just pushed her away even more. She even told me when we talked "if you hadn't contacted me during the first week, I would already be back." I was doing so well last week and she sent me right back to square one by talking to me that night.
Newtotheblogthing Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Honestly, she wants to know you are there and is probably confused. I have been there. The more he pushed, the more I pulled away. What everyone says about them needing time to miss you.. it's true. What she said was a bit cruel though.. the "I would have already been back"? She is an adult too and was texting you etc.. so she needs to be honest about what SHE is doing. She will play games with you in order to make sure you are still available to her. Like you said, she gives you just enough so that you don't move on. That's no accident. She wants to know you are there until she makes her decision. It's not right but I doubt she is doing it to hurt you and she probably doesn't realze she's doing it. Just keep your boundaries, take care of you and decide what YOU are ok with. A little time and space won't hurt but if it continues.. then you have to decide what you are willing to put up with. She can't have her cake and eat it to but you can cross that bridge when you get to it.. Hang in there and keep updating!
Author Brooks06 Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 So the other night I just couldn't take it anymore and sent the ex a text telling her im going to move on...that she is so unclear with what she wants and I can't take the confusion anymore" She responded with "Im coming back baby, I love you...Need some time." She claims the stress and pressure from school, life, etc. is too much for her to handle right now on top of a serious relationship...yet tomorrow night she is going to a formal party with a guy who is just a "friend." Granted the guy is in a long distance relationship, it still strikes me as odd that she can even find the time to go do anything with so much "stress" in her life, esepcially things with other guys. I guess I don't want to burn my bridges just yet, ill wait it out a couple of weeks, but after that I just can't do it. Maybe she does truly need time, space, etc. She says she loves me, she is coming back, but she is making all the moves of someone who is moving on. Too many redflags to commit to waiting on her, and it hurts so much knowing I might have to walk away forever. Im sure ill have more updates throughout the next few weeks, so ill keep posting my story. I just cant believe my bestfriend of three years can be so cold.
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 She's taking time for herself. In essence, it's the selfish way to go, where she's put her needs before you or your relationship. Why not be selfish yourself and take your own time? Date, as she's doing. You might end up finding someone who can be consistent and will value you as a partner, not someone of convenience.
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