randuff Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 My ex-fiance broke up with me April 27 of this year (after 4 years together), almost a full 6 months ago. I could go on and on about the situation but in a nutshell : I love (or think I love) this girl unconditionally. But she has done some terrible things to me and admits to them but I just can't seem to let go... Night before last she text me "I love you" out of the blue (usually its after we finish a conversation.) And I text back "where'd that come from?" She responded "Just settling in bed and was thinking how amazing you are and how I don't deserve to still have you in my life, but I'm so glad that I do." It's comments like these that make me hold on to hope.... These are the reasons to go NC..... I understand this, tell myself this, but like an addict I don't have the willpower to follow through.... I hurt....EVERYDAY I HURT.... I know what I should do but why don't I just take the plunge and do it???? *sigh* I hate this part of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 You need to cut her out of your life. You will NEVER move on and meet someone else if she is still keeping you on a string. Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" yet? You need to have boundaries and it seems from what is going on now, you do not. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Welcome to my boat, dinner is served at 8, emotional shuffleboard every afternoon.... And its been over 18mo for me now. Check out my latest thread, where I finally forced my ex to state he didn't love me, and stop f---in around. It's a story in of itself... But people were right, it's them, not us. This girl obviously lacks the self-love to allow someone she knows is wonderful in her life. She'll never accept external happiness unless she can find internal happiness. But we get to suffer for it. I understand 110%.There's nothing to do but go on. >hug<< Link to post Share on other sites
Author randuff Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" yet? You need to have boundaries and it seems from what is going on now, you do not. Just got it in the mail 2 days ago, about half way through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author randuff Posted October 17, 2007 Author Share Posted October 17, 2007 And its been over 18mo for me now. Check out my latest thread, where I finally forced my ex to state he didn't love me, and stop f---in around. It's a story in of itself... Just read it! She'll never accept external happiness unless she can find internal happiness. But we get to suffer for it. I understand 110%.There's nothing to do but go on. >hug<< Exactly my thoughts.... I just don't get why it's so hard for me to just move on.... I am 34 years old for pete's sake, I feel like I am acting 18. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Exactly my thoughts.... I just don't get why it's so hard for me to just move on.... I am 34 years old for pete's sake, I feel like I am acting 18. It's hard to move on when you know how great something used to be, and how it self-destructed for no tangible reason, y'know? It's easier when it's a concrete issue- like cheating or not wanting kids, etc. It's hard when it's a more existential issue that can't be made logical. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 age does not make a differance. You may find that your pain goes deeper than the relationship break-up Link to post Share on other sites
Pentula77 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 it's nice for her to know that you'll always be there for her if she wants to come back...I think it's called a comfort blanket. Link to post Share on other sites
kirikat Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hi.... Ok, the reason you arent moving on is that you are still in relationship. Thats ok, actually - but you need to change this relationship. I am not a fan of "no contact" - certainly 8 weeks of it helped me get some perspective, but it didnt solve anything. And, in the past, I have never done no contact... I fought with my lovers hard enough to change the relationship into something that we could live with. Is there a chance that you could drag her into couples counseling? She clearly loves you, and you clearly love her - and it seems that perhaps you both want to be in relationship with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
ellastar Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 i love reading these posts, as sad as it may be. makes me wonder if my situation is any worse. my ex broke up with me nearly 4 months ago. it was nearly 2 months later before i could move out. anyhow, he said he wanted to be friends, but is not behaving like someone who wants to. after 5-6 weeks of NC, i popped by to return a few of his things. the visit was nice, he hugged me goodbye, promised me an e-mail with some info i was searching for. that was 3 weeks ago. no e-mail. i e-mailed him last thurs to thank him for forwarding my mail, asking how his visit with his best friend was. no response. he says he wants to be friends, but does not write, does not text, acts cold and distant whenever i do see him, tells friends he can no longer go to his favorite places for fear of seeing me. he broke up with me citing a "gut feeling something was not right." we did not argue, he was talking about family, moving abroad, then it was over. just like that. he's rejecting me again by not making an effort to be my friend although i am now willing to try. we have 3 sets of mutual friends who are getting married soon and they don't know who to invite. i told them i have no qualms about going. in fact, they assumed i would not want to go. i just don't know what to do. he never told me why he was ending it, which makes it all the harder. Link to post Share on other sites
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