MartianChronicles Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 a few minutes ago, whilst checking my work email, i found a message from my ex. nothing really meaningful, just a link to a news about a shop selling the iphone in italy (we both live in italy, are italian, and a lot into technology, most of all apple and macintosh stuff). i have to admit my heart missed a beat when i saw his name and an email from him, though it was filtered and labelled as spam (i set up the filter last week, when i decided for nc). am i going to break nc? no, i'm not. i might reply to him and say thank you for the link and the news, but i guess i'll leave the thing to tomorrow, when i get to work. now i'm tired from a hard day at office and don't really want to bother. still i wonder what's the point in him trying to contact me.
Author MartianChronicles Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 i replied, by simply saying "ok, thank you" he sent me another mail, asking how i was my reply: void, thanks. and you? his reply: void as well. i survive and go on on inertia rather than belief the thing was getting too sad, and i was getting a bit angry myself, so i stopped it. the idea of him feeling void is funny, though. seems like the poor thing has had none of his new girlfriends help him fill the hole inside so far. jerk ps: sorry folks. when i'm upset my english just gets worse
Spinderella Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Your english is fine! It is too confusing to be in contact with him right now. I actually think its good you replied, and your response was fine, honest, direct, but he will probably try again, and next time might be better to ignore it.
kirikat Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Sweetie - I don't know how, but if I could hand you some of my attitude change, I would. Let me tell you what changed my perspective: I loved this man with all my heart. He KNOWS I love him. He KNOWS that as a result of this break up, I actually went into therapy. He has access to my blog, so I cannot imagine he didnt know what this has cost me. KNOWING that my heart had been shattered, he still suggested we be FWB's, because he thinks that I might be "open minded" enough for this to be possible? Now - excuse me, but exactly on WHAT PLANET would it be honorable to use someone who loves you for the purpose of relieving your own pain and sexual discomfort? We have lots of ladies available for this service in Parco Cascine, and certainly Milan has tons of them too. As to FWB's - dont even tell me you dont have a list of attractive men who are capable of fulfilling what I would consider this very important role in your life. I know that MY FWB's are all capable of REAL freindship with me, and would NEVER consider risking my heart in any way. Oh - and they have remained truly my freinds, well after the sexual affair has ended. N/C or not NC doesnt really matter. What matters is that YOU change YOUR attitude about what an acceptable way to be viewed and treated is. The saddest thing is, if you can change your attitude - his will change too... and you wont give a flying **** anymore either way.
Author MartianChronicles Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 the router in my office sort of exploded this afternoon. can you imagine a whole afternoon in office without the internet?? omg ok, serious mode now... first of all, thanks for your replies and support. i guess it was ok to reply to his email... but i guess it will be even more ok to ignore his further attempts from now on, and i bet there will be another... i know him. i'd been feeling ok since i'd gone nc with him, and really, until the other day i couldn't just give a damn about what he was doing, who he was fu**ing with, and stuff. i guess i'm fine right now too... just a bit sad. this man has nothing to do with the person i fell for last year. he's just proving himself more and more shallow and ridiculous as days go by. well, at least now i can see what a stupid jerk he is. as soon as i grow detached, maybe i can just treat hime like he deserves...
bustertypsy Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I don't know the circumstances of your break up,but I can only assume it was a recent break up as you still sound angry and hurt.If you are, then don't do anything hasty as you may regret it.If you choose to reply to his mails then be short but sweet.Only after you get past the anger will you be able to see clearer.As a guy I reckon he is trying to make contact to try and get back with you.If you are certain you don't want him back then just ignore him,but if you're not then reply with a short answer and see how things develop.I wish you well,ciao
kirikat Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Hi .... since you are a guy - Martian and I are both in a really similiar same boat. Italian men, different cities, and we were both in love with these "men". (Martian, please forgive me if I have the details wrong... but these stories are frighteningly similiar) In each case, what happened, more or less - was a devistating break up over "commitment" - and these men both know how badly we had been hurt. Now - we are hearing "I miss you. I want you back. So - being that I don't want to commit to you - lets just be "f**kbuddies" That these men are sincere when they express how much they miss us, well - we don't have a reason to doubt it. But - wanting us "back" is different than wanting us "back in bed" - and the "Peter Pan" syndrome is a real deal here in the land of the 'mammone" (mamma's boy) - where it is normal to have your mother do your laundry and clean your apartment for you, well into your 40's and 50's.
bustertypsy Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Kirikat,not too sure what your question is.If you think this man wants you back just for sex then it is imperative that you steer clear of him.If he loves you and genuinely wants you back in his life then I think you will know yourself that he is for real.Let's hope this is the case, as the time apart may make him realise what he threw away.
Author MartianChronicles Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 buster, my ex has already told me he "doesn't love me anymore" and doesn't want to get back with me. he just want sex. he used to say (and still does now) that i'm the best lover he ever had, it's sex he misses, not me. it's fine for him to talk to me about the iphone or apple osx, or linux, whatever, but it's not fine to have me back into his life. if he wanted me back, he wouldnt call me on sunday night (i usually spend my sundays with my frienda or my parents), telling me about the woman he fu**ed in the weekend, when he knows i still have feelings for him. i guess his attempts for contact are only meant to keep me in touch with him and keeping me under "control" (i know what she's doing, i know who she sees, how she feels, if she's moved on and forgotten about me). when he writes, texts or calls i usually try to be polite and not talk too much, not sound excited about him calling me, sound smart but calm and cool... but i'm not ready to be his friend, let alone friend with benefit. anyway, back to nc now. and of course i'll let you know if he writes again.
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