PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I am SO angry with myself. I got very drunk the other night and ended up texting MM. Why do I do these things to myself? I know he's not going to reply! I didn't do an, "I love you, I want you back..." or anything like that, thankfully, but it let him know that I was thinking about him. I spent the following day in bits and even considered asking a mutual friend to set up a meeting with mm (with him knowing of course) so that I could talk to him. Not to get him back or anything - honestly, I came to accept that isn't going to happen months ago - but to get some kind of closure, although ater sleeping on it I think maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Anyway, I'm not even sure if I WANT to see him. I seem to be having such a hard time moving on. Everytime this happens I feel like a prize idiot but when I have a drink all sense of reasoning seems to go out the window. I guess I should stay away from the demon drink.
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Its been awhile since you two ended it right? It seems you have good weeks and bad weeks. That is what I am afraid of. Although drinking does have a tendancy to make you free of worry, it also typically allows your true feelings to come out. I don't think its a crime that you think about him as I am sure that you still love him (and probably always will). Makes me wonder it NC is really the way to end it...
Woggle Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 MM are like crack. You know it's bad for you but once you are hooked you keep going back for more. What is it about a wedding ring that makes men so appealing to women?
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 MM are like crack. You know it's bad for you but once you are hooked you keep going back for more. What is it about a wedding ring that makes men so appealing to women? You always want what you can't have!!
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Make your own closure. He isn't going to help you get that... Wipe out lastnight like it didn't happen and next time you get the urge to drink, don't turn on your computer. BE with friends when you drink that way you won't call him. Respect that NC is the better thing to do - Maybe not so much in the short term, but in the long term, you'll benefit much more if you stick to NC. For your own sanity, don't contact him again.
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 MM are like crack. You know it's bad for you but once you are hooked you keep going back for more. What is it about a wedding ring that makes men so appealing to women? Perhaps it has to do with limerance (sp?) as someone had pointed out before. If the object of your affection is unobtainable the feeligns are that much mroe intense. Which might explain the situation a little. Just my two bits .. Bobby
Woggle Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I think it is the want what you can't have thing. I would bet money that if these men were to leave their wives and give these women what they want the OW would fall out of love very quickly.
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Perhaps it has to do with limerance (sp?) as someone had pointed out before. If the object of your affection is unobtainable the feeligns are that much mroe intense. Which might explain the situation a little. Just my two bits .. Bobby Maybe you're right, Bobby. I think this could be the case subconsciously. I often wonder if I had had a 'normal' relationship with him would it actually have worked out anyway? Woggle, the wedding ring is the one thing I WASN'T, and am still not, attracted to, but admittedly in my much younger days I was. Maybe it;s karma! WWIU, thanks - you're always a good help. I don't have a computer. This contact is all made by my phone and more often than not I AM with friends. When I have had a drink there is absolutely NO reasoning with me. It's pathetic really. I have even had friends confiscate my phone before although I have to have it in case I have calls about my son. I think maybe I should get some hypnotherapy as I know MMs no. off by heart. Now....maybe that's a bit obsessive! Liddie, thank you too. Yeah, maybe I WILL always love him. I SO want that indifference! I have a lovely man who I could spend the rest of my life with if it wasn't for the feelings I have about MM. I suppose deep down I always think, "What if I settle down with someone and then MM changes his mind?" but then I guess that if the 'someone' was that important to me then that wouldn't even cross my mind.
Woggle Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Just think about the fact that this man is betraying a woman that he promised to love and honor and if we were with you he would do the same thing. What is so special about a cheater that most likely used you for some thrills?
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Just think about the fact that this man is betraying a woman that he promised to love and honor and if we were with you he would do the same thing. What is so special about a cheater that most likely used you for some thrills? It wasn't quite like that Woggle, but generally speaking it often is, I know. I'm sorry, but I don't hold with the 'once a cheater always a cheater' thing. I personally believe that anyone is capable of cheating under certain circumstances.
Onelife Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Been there, done that! I hear you, my friend PP. I know exactly how you feel and where you're coming from. Don't beat yourself up too much over what you did already. Hey, it happens. Bad feelings come and go just like waves. You've tried hard and that's what matters. I really hope you will feel better about all this soon. This is the hardest thing, isn't it. Sorry if my comment doesn't help much. Mainly I just want to let you know that you are not alone. Big hug to you (((((((PP)))))).
kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I can relate, PP...I've been guilty of the evil drunk dial myself. All it did was get me deeper into his clutches, because in some warped way, even when I drunk dialed him and cursed him out, he knew I still thought of him and loved him. He actually told me that. Avoid if if you can!
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 I can relate, PP...I've been guilty of the evil drunk dial myself. All it did was get me deeper into his clutches, because in some warped way, even when I drunk dialed him and cursed him out, he knew I still thought of him and loved him. He actually told me that. Avoid if if you can! Thanks. I TRY and do well for a while and then for some reason it all goes pear-shaped! Thanks OneLife, your post WAS helpful. It's nice to have some support and not get all the old cliches thrown at me about the OW/MM sitch!
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 You know Posh, someone asked me the very same question the other day. What would I do if after getting into a R with a great guy, MM ended his marriage? I had no clue! I told her that if things were as great with the other guy I guess it wouldn't really matter. I guess that you would cross that bridge when/if you came to it.
Woggle Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 It wasn't quite like that Woggle, but generally speaking it often is, I know. I'm sorry, but I don't hold with the 'once a cheater always a cheater' thing. I personally believe that anyone is capable of cheating under certain circumstances. I operate under the circumstance that I am never the exception and that is why I will never date a cheater and most certainly would never date a MW. A person's history very much does matter and while I do believe people can change he is still cheating on her so he is still a dog and here you are tearing yourself up over a man that doesn't deserve a 2nd look.
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 I operate under the circumstance that I am never the exception and that is why I will never date a cheater and most certainly would never date a MW. A person's history very much does matter and while I do believe people can change he is still cheating on her so he is still a dog and here you are tearing yourself up over a man that doesn't deserve a 2nd look. You're entitled to you opinion. I have no reason to defend his honour now but he is NOT like that. I'm glad for you that you can be so virtuous. And you would know you were dating a cheater HOW exactly? Plenty of people for whatever reason marry or end up with the wrong person. Or what it most often is, is that they were the right person at the time, but that people change and grow apart. I don't believe there is one person for a whole lifetime, more like a few relationships that come, make us happy, and then go again. I am not condoning cheating by saying this - I don't believe there is any excuse for cheating - but it happens. None of us are infallible, Woggle, not even you.
kchiapet95 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Don't be too hard on yourself, PP...we all slip up and make mistakes. Trust me, there's someone else in your shoes. You're not alone!
Woggle Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 You're entitled to you opinion. I have no reason to defend his honour now but he is NOT like that. I'm glad for you that you can be so virtuous. And you would know you were dating a cheater HOW exactly? Plenty of people for whatever reason marry or end up with the wrong person. Or what it most often is, is that they were the right person at the time, but that people change and grow apart. I don't believe there is one person for a whole lifetime, more like a few relationships that come, make us happy, and then go again. I am not condoning cheating by saying this - I don't believe there is any excuse for cheating - but it happens. None of us are infallible, Woggle, not even you. If I found out she was a cheater I would drop her in a heartbeat. I am not infallible but I have basic decency and I would not just betray somebody that I made vows to like it was nothing to play with their emotions. Trust me I could easily cheat if I wanted as well because a wedding ring for some women is like catnip for a cat.
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 If I found out she was a cheater I would drop her in a heartbeat. I am not infallible but I have basic decency and I would not just betray somebody that I made vows to like it was nothing to play with their emotions. Trust me I could easily cheat if I wanted as well because a wedding ring for some women is like catnip for a cat. Never say never, Woggle! If you would drop a woman because of something she did in her past (no one died for f*cks sake!) then she would have had a lucky escape, IMO.
liddie Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 If I found out she was a cheater I would drop her in a heartbeat. I am not infallible but I have basic decency and I would not just betray somebody that I made vows to like it was nothing to play with their emotions. Trust me I could easily cheat if I wanted as well because a wedding ring for some women is like catnip for a cat. Can I ask you Woggle why you are on this board? I have several gf that go to bars and wear fake wedding bands. Turns out that men like catnip as well!
Woggle Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Never say never, Woggle! If you would drop a woman because of something she did in her past (no one died for f*cks sake!) then she would have had a lucky escape, IMO. It would speak volumnes about her character though and show that she would be more likely to cheat on me.
Shades of Grey Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 PP, Try not to be so hard on yourself. I for one know how incredibly hard it is to stop yourself from sending that one stupid text when every ounce of your being is telling you that you need to have contact on any level. Think of how strong you were on his birthday. Think of how infrequent these episodes are now compared to the beginning of the end. That's how far you've come. xx I am SO angry with myself. I got very drunk the other night and ended up texting MM. Why do I do these things to myself? I know he's not going to reply! I didn't do an, "I love you, I want you back..." or anything like that, thankfully, but it let him know that I was thinking about him. I spent the following day in bits and even considered asking a mutual friend to set up a meeting with mm (with him knowing of course) so that I could talk to him. Not to get him back or anything - honestly, I came to accept that isn't going to happen months ago - but to get some kind of closure, although ater sleeping on it I think maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Anyway, I'm not even sure if I WANT to see him. I seem to be having such a hard time moving on. Everytime this happens I feel like a prize idiot but when I have a drink all sense of reasoning seems to go out the window. I guess I should stay away from the demon drink.
Author PoshPrincess Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 PP, Try not to be so hard on yourself. I for one know how incredibly hard it is to stop yourself from sending that one stupid text when every ounce of your being is telling you that you need to have contact on any level. Think of how strong you were on his birthday. Think of how infrequent these episodes are now compared to the beginning of the end. That's how far you've come. xx Thanks Shades! I just feel like it's forever 'three steps forward, two steps back'. It's good to know I'm not the only one though. Hope everything is ok with you ((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Shades of Grey Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Well with that scenario think of it as a slow process but at least you'll always be one step ahead. It's a long road but overall you're on the right track. Hugs to you too x Thanks Shades! I just feel like it's forever 'three steps forward, two steps back'. It's good to know I'm not the only one though. Hope everything is ok with you ((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Cobra_X30 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I am SO angry with myself. I got very drunk the other night and ended up texting MM. Why do I do these things to myself? I know he's not going to reply! I didn't do an, "I love you, I want you back..." or anything like that, thankfully, but it let him know that I was thinking about him. I guess I should stay away from the demon drink. Posh... whats wrong with your BF? The only reason your having problems getting over this MM is because of the rejection involved! Your currently in a relationship. The fact that you cant let go of the previous one... and that your thinking about other men... thats a really really bad sign! Believe me!
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