k10k Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Hi all, Just been reading everyone's posts and it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels the way I do and there is some great advice on here! Just thought I'd share my feelings as writing does seem to help. My situation, I'm the one who was dumped, 2 weeks ago, after 4.5yrs, we were living together. All came as a bit of a shock, still not sure of exactly why this happened, main reason I get is "I'm just not happy anymore". I guess I will never really know why.. hard to accept that someone can just stop loving you all of a sudden. I'm sleeping better now, and my appetite is coming back, but I'm still struggling to let go ... I caved in and have phoned twice already - I know this is bad, and not helping myself by doing this - but it's true what everyone says, it's like trying to quit a drug. I always feel better after I've chatted to him, I guess cause I still want the bond to be there. Then after awhile it sinks in again and I realize that he actually doesn't want to be with me anymore, and the bond is not/can't be, what it used to be. Everyone keeps telling me that I will only start feeling better once I decide in my own mind that I need to move on.. but how do you do this? Does this just take time? How do you control your thoughts and those terrible urges to just want to talk to them and to be with them!? Sometimes I wish there was a pill that could just magically make me stop thinking/remembering/hoping.. argg. So hard!
lexi29 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I was dumped almost 2 weeks ago and I have just gotten over the crying every minute of every day stage. Yes, it does feel like your ex is a drug because when you have contact with them it makes you stop hurting temporarily. I've been in no contact for a week and I'm fighting off urges to call him. I think it does take time to get over the loss. I know one thing that helped me was packing all of his stuff and everything that reminded me of him away in a box in the back of my closet. It might be harder for you because the two of you were living together. Also make a list of everything your ex ever did to you to hurt you, annoy you or just things you didn't like about them. Even though I'm struggling with all these good memories of our time together I was able to come up with a two page list of things he did to hurt me or how he treated his family badly, and little things that irritated me about him. I was suprised I came up with so much and it does help with the longing to see him. Also I know this is a cliche but it does help- keep busy, talk to friends, treat yourself to something special.
Author k10k Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Lexi29 Sorry to hear you're going through this too! Almost the same amount of time into our "grieving processes". Well if you're fighting off those urges to call.. then so can I! Yip, it is hard to pack away all the stuff, as we lived together, still can't bring myself to do that yet, and I'm really dreading the day when he comes to fetch it all.. Thanks for the advice, I did start a list a little while ago, but only came up with 3 things, but I reckon I should sit down and do some more thinking about that one, will definitely help, instead of focusing on all the good times. Good luck to you .. I'm sure we'll both be fine when we get through this and on to the other side;)
BrianG Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Lexi29 Sorry to hear you're going through this too! Almost the same amount of time into our "grieving processes". Well if you're fighting off those urges to call.. then so can I! Yip, it is hard to pack away all the stuff, as we lived together, still can't bring myself to do that yet, and I'm really dreading the day when he comes to fetch it all.. Thanks for the advice, I did start a list a little while ago, but only came up with 3 things, but I reckon I should sit down and do some more thinking about that one, will definitely help, instead of focusing on all the good times. Good luck to you .. I'm sure we'll both be fine when we get through this and on to the other side;) in the same boat. 5 year relationship and she is picking up the very last of her stuff today while i am at work. I feel like just throwing it out, but i have the smallest shred of hope she will change her mind. I feel like an idiot for feeling that. Its hard looking at all the cards and sweets things you wrote me saying that we could work through anything. i guess maybe i should try the list. We have to meet up this saturday to transfer the bills and part of me is dreading it and part of me really wants to see her. How pathetic, but i have nobody to blame but myself
Author k10k Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 in the same boat. 5 year relationship and she is picking up the very last of her stuff today while i am at work. I feel like just throwing it out, but i have the smallest shred of hope she will change her mind. I feel like an idiot for feeling that. Its hard looking at all the cards and sweets things you wrote me saying that we could work through anything. i guess maybe i should try the list. We have to meet up this saturday to transfer the bills and part of me is dreading it and part of me really wants to see her. How pathetic, but i have nobody to blame but myself Can relate to you having a little hope (I guess it's normal, even if we know its pathetic!) - and yes, reading cards is totally heartbreaking .. I found a card last week by mistake, awful feeling.. avoiding stuff like that from now on! Don't blame yourself, you still have feelings, and as they say, "Good people hurt, when bad things happen to them". Good luck with your list, I just added to mine, and it does help a little! I hope all goes well on Saturday..
Double D Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Next week will be a year since I my ex and me broke up and it does it easier. Packing mementos and stuff away helps. My advice is be patient with yourself. I was with my ex for only 6 months it was an intense six months, so you guys coming out of 4-5 yrs relationships and holding it together are my inspiration and enough respect goes out to you. Try to be postive about yourself and also face up to some home truths, so writing down a very honest account on why you think the relationship ended, will also help. Wish you all well!
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