kirikat Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Ok - I dont want to have to rewrite my whole tragedy again - but the short story was that I was involved with confused immature guy, and I finally couldnt stand waiting for him to make up his mind anymore. I solit, and he returned the favor. So - the problem was, in these last couple of months, it had built up in my head and my stomach so badly that rather than healing, I was getting worse and worse and worse. So, I decided the only way around this was right through it, and I called him. We had a meeting. Now - I should have left without any conversation about the relationship at all - because my objective was to just make friends for now - open the door - and leave. But somehow, we began talking about our "feelings". Yes, he misses me. Yes, he wants to see me again. He doesnt want to lose me from his life. And for about 3 minutes, I thought that what he wanted was to actually get back together.... And then the fear passes over his face, and he begins to lay out the terms. To be absolutely blunt about it - the NEW terms are that not only does he want the milk for free, he doesnt want to buy anymore hay for the cow. Now, of course, were I to bluntly state that this is what he was saying - he would deny it. So, I laughed, and I said that this was not really good enough. So he raised the stakes. I said "uh uh". So he raised them some more. Finally, he gets to someting I find acceptable, I say so - and he starts requalifying it again. Fortunately, in the process of this, I realize that he no longer makes my knees weak. He touches me, and none of those delicious chemicals get released from my body. He is unable to make me stupid in the least. Oh My. The causes for our break up are still the same, nothing there has changed... and in the 2 months we have been apart, he has managed a 1 month affair and an STD. Now, this is not a bad man. I swear it. I promise you that underneath all this BS, this is a good boy. The qualifying term here, I believe, is boy. I don't want to say "What a Dick" - but.... so, for those of you who ARE men, and those of you who understand and like men - WHAT WAS THAT? So, Im gonna let him stew in his own juices for a while. We shall see what he has in mind, and - to be blunt - what's in it for me. Feedback please?
funkybassplayer Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Morning hun, if nothing has changed, or if its worse even, then be carful, its your choice, but you may set yourself up for an even bigger heart ache! Like you say hes not a bad guy, but he is a kid, and may run at the first sighn of pressure, and you have to really think where will i be after that ? is it worth the pain, or shall i keep moving forward and see what the future holds?
MartianChronicles Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 kiri, your ex reminds me sooo much of my ex bf... looks like all these italian guys are more or less the same
Spinderella Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 He sounds as though he has commitment issues from what you have posted here. He may be the loveliest guy, but still have phobias, that mean he is unable to give you the relationship you want. If anything going back a second time would heighten that anxiety, as you saw when you met him. The first time, well, in the beginning commitment is not expected, the second time, it is one of the terms of getting back together. No, it will never happen. At least, not until he has dealt with his issues, which could take years. It isnt neccessarily an indication of immaturity. Its good that you met up so that you could realise you are almost over him.
Author kirikat Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Oh guys - dont worry about me 'getting back together' with him. No commitment - No deal. Now - the commitment doesnt need to be about marriage, or engagement, or anything like that, but I need to know he is committed to my life, to being my friend, and to sharing his life with me. (Which is what I have been trying to teach this dumb**** all along....) However, he has this ditch he keeps going to die in called 'I dont want to spend the rest of my life with you'. Now, the thing is, right now, I don't actually consider him a candidate for this. He's not good enough for me. However, I am certainly not willing to say "he will NEVER be good enough for me" - miracles happen. Furthermore, there is the possibility that he will manage to come down with a horrbile disease, and I could be the LAST partner he ever has. But honestly, if that is his ditch to die in, and he has somehow decided that if he asked, I would be inclined to say "yes" - then too many decisions have already been made that make anything meaningful impossibile. I am sad, confused, elated, releived, amused, and outraged. All at the very same time. And the fact that he tried really hard to make my knees weak, and nothing happened makes me feel really really bad. And the fact that he went out and caught an STD makes me want to laugh hysterically. Oh - and it cost him a whole lot of my respect. Finally - as to his f*ckbuddy offer - perhaps he is simply delusional, but why on earth would he think that I do not already have several very lovely men to choose from on that score?
Author kirikat Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 kiri, your ex reminds me sooo much of my ex bf... looks like all these italian guys are more or less the same Well, at least all of them of this particular generation. They're "special"
MartianChronicles Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 oh dear the last time i heard from my ex, he said he felt confused and tired. he said he maybe would have come back with me in the future, but was not sure... poor thing... now it's been 5 days nc. i'm feeling definitely better, though sometimes i wake up with some strange anger inside (today is one of those days) which i have to yell out, before it eats me!
fabulousgal Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 And the fact that he went out and caught an STD makes me want to laugh hysterically. Oh - and it cost him a whole lot of my respect. That is pretty crass to say. I would be inclined to say if you took pleasure in that pain that you don't love him. Doesn't matter how careful you are or how many partners, short of refraining from any contact in a sexual manner, every person is a potential candidate for this to occur. Perhaps you want him to "get his" bc he broke it off, or has been with others, or even had the nerve to ask you to be FWB. Be the bigger person and make him "get his" by moving on - not by being someone who finds humor in his unfortunate luck.
Author kirikat Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 No - the reason it makes me laugh that he went out and got an STD is this: We fought about condoms. He felt them to be unnecessary. I made him get a clean bill of health, and insisted on sexual monogomy. So, he goes out and has a sexual affair, without a condom, and manages to come down with an STD. What really cost my respect, however, was not the STD (which was one that women get frequently, but men only get through sex...) - but the fact that when I inquired as to the young lady, he said the italian equivlent of "She was just a peice of a**"" We are talking ETHICS, my dear, not morality. (Oh, and a tiny bit of karma biting his butt too....)
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