Duck n' Bunnies Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 My boyfriend does not believe that you have to talk to your significant other while doing long distance to know that you are in a relationship with someone, and that the distance is temporary (even though it's about 8 months long) and that it will all be over and everything will be all happy in the end. I believe that in order for me to actually feel like we have any kind of relationship, I would like to talk to him at least once every few days. If he has something to do and I won't be able to talk to him and he lets me know, thats great... but he never lets me know... and dissappeared for 2 days this week, and I had no idea where he was. He went on a small trip and never said anything to me and I called looking for him a few times but there was no answer, no online msgs, no nothing. I didn't hear from him and got a little scared, I was worried, hoping he wasnt in a hospital somewhere or wasn't in trouble or anything. When I did get ahold of him he said "What? I skipped town for a few days. What's the problem? Look, I'm going to sleep now. I tierd." We got in a fight the other night when I called and told him that his dissappearing act upset me. He took it as a personal attack, and it got to the point where he said "If you arnt happy with the fact that we don't talk as much as you would like to then you should go find yourself a new boyfriend. It isn't that hard!" "Maybe you would be off with someone as needy as you are because your dependancy is driving me Fing nuts!" I was hurt and said nothing more than goodnight and hung up the phone. He didn't call back. I got an email the next day but it wasn't anything very apologetic... it was more like a "Sorry, but its all your fault you know!" type of letter. But the thing I want to know is... IS IT REALLY TOO MUCH to ask... to talk to him at least once every two days... for at least 5-10 minutes? Is that too much? I don't think I would feel like we even had a relationship if we never talked. I don't find myself dependent, as I am living happily and easily by myself on my own for the first time in my life, but he seems to think I can't walk, talk, eat, or breate without him. He knows Im commited to the relationship so I think he takes advantage of it, thinking that if he talks rude and disrespectful to me, it get's his point across, makes him feel better about himself, and I'll still stay with him. Is my request such a crime? Is it bad to even think to request to talk to eachother once a day? (Which I haven't asked nor would concider at this point) What should I do? I already told him that I was going to leave him this time for the comments and his attitude and he kind of broke down and apologised, but do YOU GUYS and girls think that what I am asking for is too much? (P.S - He does call me, on his own, and it's all good most of the time because we had this same discussion earlier last month about him trying harder and he made an effort, but the whole dissapearing thing really upset me, and the disrespect he was showing me afterwards hurt as well.)
Els Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I really don't think you are asking for too much. Granted, guys seem to need constant contact in a LDR much less than the girl (from what I've seen and experienced, at least), but even then, if he knows how much it means to you, it certainly isn't too much to ask him to call once every few days, and especially to notify you if he'll be away for some time. However, regarding the inconsiderate reply, only you can decide what to do about that. I'm a firm believer in 2nd chances except for a select few 'unforgivables', but perhaps that's why I put up with so much crap from my ex that I shouldn't have. Still, everyone has faults, and sometimes they're exacerbated by a bad mood, tiredness, stress, etc... and you say and do things you regret later. I know I have, which is why IMO you should base your decision on how he is the REST of the time, and how genuinely he seems to regret what he did.
catrocks Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 It's not asking for too much at all. So what if it's only temporary distance? It's still distance, and communication is one of the most important things for making it work. I think wanting to talk for at least 5-10 mins every 2 days is totally acceptable. The way he talks to you is not though. How long have the two of you been together? I think it sounds like he is not as into the relationship as you are. How was he with you when you were living close to each other? Did he speak to you this way then? I would say that what he said to you and then the email he sent... that would be a dealbreaker for me. He needs to respect you and not swear at you because you want to talk to your bf every now and then. Tell him this and if he still acts all crappy then I say get rid of him, you could do much better.
Author Duck n' Bunnies Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 How long have the two of you been together? I think it sounds like he is not as into the relationship as you are. How was he with you when you were living close to each other? Did he speak to you this way then? I would say that what he said to you and then the email he sent... that would be a dealbreaker for me. He needs to respect you and not swear at you because you want to talk to your bf every now and then. Tell him this and if he still acts all crappy then I say get rid of him, you could do much better. Weve been together three years, and when we are together we have an awesome relationship where problems like that don't occure, but whenever we do long distance (this is the second time) this seems to happen. It's not like this unless I call him and call him and hes busy and gets annoyed. But still... I don't talk to him all the time... anyway thanks for the advise!
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