Jump to content

So i wrote a text message...

Jmina

By Jmina
in Coping

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Jmina Established Member

Jmina

Posted
Posted

Quick over cap of my story: Instant fireworks, friendship based on excitment, sexual tension, the need to know each other,genuine care. The relationship was based on care for each other and trust, the terms 'soul mates' and 'the one' where used. a lot. We held each other up through very hard times. She left me in sobbing cries, we were both heartbroken but she felt it was the right thing for both of us at the time. A respectful breakup until i felt betrayed and angry and sent a mean/truthful email. been trying to make up for it ever since but ended up pushing her away. She went from wanting me in her life, to having no doubt that we would be friends one day, to not wanting to be friends for a long time, to being uninterested in being friends for a long long time and only if it got to that. The connection we have is still there. even in our arguments we are able to give each other time to speak and acknowledge what we have said.

 

anyway.

 

Its been 2 and a bit months since i gave up and gone into no contact.

 

I've forgiven myself and her as much as i can, and i am mostly happy. She is more than a passing thought to me still though and i only appreciate what we had ... i have had many friends and i am dear to many and so close to people but this one was mind blowing!!! one of a kind.

 

Last night goes like this.

 

I was lying in bed awake last night, about 3am (well this morning) thinking if i spoke to her now what would i say?

 

So i wrote her a text (i didn't send it)

 

I miss our friendship, i miss the bond we started with and always had.

 

Looking back now after meeting new people and making new friends, and after some time and a perspective, i have found that it really was a friendship like no other, i have always known it, but meeting other people and some time has confirmed it.

 

I'm not asking for friendship now, i just want to acknowledge it and mention that noone has or can replace it.

 

I dont know whos in your life now and i dont want to screw anything up for you so you can just delete this once you read it. Also i'm not asking you to tell me who is in your life.

 

Know that i care and that i'm not here under anything sinisiter. I have never intended to be. I now know that sometimes i have done the wrong thing. I realise i came across as a psycho ex ever since i became angry at you one night and then on tried to hard to fix things to try and show you that i never wanted to try to hurt you, instead of appreciating what you were going through and keeping our sufferings seperate. Unfortunately the attatchment was still there for me, and it was the only way i knew how to cope. I have since learnt.

 

I just never wanted you to feel so bad about me when i never intended to upset you. I didnt realise that what was a dilemma for me was a passing thought for you and that i totally added insult to the injury of your situation. I feel that you now think i'm a bad person. I know i'm not. I also know in my heart that you know i'm better than that too.

 

well, take care.

Jmina.

Also i have found a few more of your things of the weeks.

 

 

(i didnt realise my phone could text so much!)

 

What do you think of this?

 

My gut says not to send it.probably cause i have been brainwashed on L'S! =) So i won't send it. I do want to because of the chance that she will thank me for acknowledging those things but i also know that it could result in

 

*no answer

*a very negative answer

 

and i don't want that.

 

What kind of feel does the text have? especially to the dumpers on here.

needy? pointless? Psycho ex girlfriend still? truthful and maybe worth sending?

 

Please respond asap in fear that i might get an urge to send!

I fear that the never slip up in NC Poet Jmina may just slip up this time... then i'll have something to write about!!!! lol

 

Jmina

Citizen Erased Established Member

Citizen Erased

Posted
Posted

I have nothing to add other than that nothing meaningfull should ever be said via a text message.

carrotgirl Established Member

carrotgirl

Posted
Posted
Psycho ex girlfriend still?

 

Yup.

 

Carrot

  • Author
Jmina Established Member

Jmina

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I kind of agree.

 

The next step would be an email .. but is that just as bad.

 

I could ring her and tell her but the repercussions of that could be devastating all over again...

 

so basically i just dont send it..

 

will take a week or two to get it out my head but ive done it before.

 

this time what i have written is different though. i havnt tried to make her realise how much i care about her and love her. i have acknowledged what she was going through.

 

the aim for the text? maybe peace of mind that she doesnt hate me, hope for friends in the future.

 

I feel like i will ALWAYS be wondering about this damn friend thing.

 

okay i agree.... the text reaks of "FORGIVE ME! doesnt it...

 

URGH

dropdeadlegs Established Member

dropdeadlegs

Posted
Posted

PLEASE! Never text or email anything truly heartfelt. It is too impersonal. At least take the time to put words to paper and mail it if face to face is not an option.

  • Author
Jmina Established Member

Jmina

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Okay i have decided NOT to text it because i dont want to look pathetic, i dont want to drop to it. i do want her to know some of the things ive said though.... such as

 

" I realise i came across as a psycho ex ever since i became angry at you one night and from then on tried to hard to fix things to try and show you that i never wanted to try to hurt you, instead of appreciating what you were going through and keeping our sufferings seperate. Unfortunately the attatchment was still there for me, and it was the only way i knew how to cope. I have since learnt.

 

I just never wanted you to feel so bad about me when i never intended to upset you. I didnt realise that what was a dilemma for me was a passing thought for you and that i totally added insult to the injury of your situation i am sorry for that"

 

 

but i wont text it. i wont even email it...

carrotgirl Established Member

carrotgirl

Posted
Posted

Jmina-luv,

 

You can't do anything about her being a friend to you. She will be or she won't be. With any luck, if she ever is, you'll recognize it as such. You can be a friend to her as much as you like, but today that means leaving her to herself.

 

If it's so important that you must say it, I agree with the others. Skip the e-mail and any written media. Say it in person, face to face. Bet you that prospect isn't as appealing! No psycho girl though. Put her back in the box.

 

Carrot

  • Author
Jmina Established Member

Jmina

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Lol thanks carrot.

You guys have given me that bit of strength that i needed to tame the psycho ex girlfriend!

Spinderella

Spinderella

Posted
Posted
Jmina-luv,

 

You can't do anything about her being a friend to you. She will be or she won't be. With any luck, if she ever is, you'll recognize it as such. You can be a friend to her as much as you like, but today that means leaving her to herself.

 

 

Carrot

Excellent post.

 

Hi Jmina:)

I dont know if I can add to anything that Carrot has said. Being a friend and loving someone (and I know you know this, because you have posted about unconditional love before), means leaving them be if thats what they want.

She does want this at the moment, because she hasnt been in touch. Not contacting her, is the best way of showing her you understand and are sorry and respect her.

I know youre a poet, but words arent everything:);)

Take care

sao2 Established Member

sao2

Posted
Posted

Let sleeping dogs lie. Given enough time you won't care if you are the psycho ex or not. Let time do it's job. Doing this will set you back I promise you.

 

If the hope for a relationship/friendship is gone, then there is no point in trying to fix things between you.

funkybassplayer Established Member

funkybassplayer

Posted
Posted

you sending anything at this time is for your own need, ie a responce. When you can send something without the need for a reply, then you will send it with the right words, and the right reason. I think a letter is better, as it will give her time to digest, and re read the letter, and wont be under pressure for an instant responce.

  • Author
Jmina Established Member

Jmina

Posted
  • Author
Posted

yeah i'm very much aware of that, and its the wrong reason. which is why i havnt sent it.

 

I dont think its the right time to send it for both of us.

It doesnt feel feel right yet, and i dont want to upset her healing if she has just got me out of her head.

 

I've defenetely cancelled out texts or emails for this kind of thing, letter sounds like a better option..

 

i think its not worth thinking about anymore now till i get the next urge to send something. ive gone 2 months with out any urges, and i expect it to be even longer this time.

 

thankyou for your replies.

sao it really isnt time that does the job. time is a symptom of healing, not the cure. my case isnt a ordinary mainstream breakup either. not a girl meets boy, girl falls out of love and boy runs after her. which im grateful that some of you guys have appreciated and acknowledged after reading/following my story. i will always care.

 

jmina

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...