Ponzoli Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 First of all, I just wanted to say that I appreciate the help that all of ya'll have provided me in my previous posts. I do appreciate the responses, and advice. Thanks. I was just wondering, if any of ya'll had ever dated a guy you were NEVER physically attracted to. Sorry for the CAPS, but I just wanted to make sure that ya'll understand what I was asking. Not someone you lost your attraction for because they got fat, went bald, etc. I am talking about going out with a guy who you weren't physically attracted to from the moment you first saw him (on a scale of 1-10 he never ranked above a 4 or 5 physically). If so, how in the world did he get you to go out with him in the first place, if there was not a scintilla of physical attraction? Just curious. Thanks.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 First of all, I just wanted to say that I appreciate the help that all of ya'll have provided me in my previous posts. I do appreciate the responses, and advice. Thanks. I was just wondering, if any of ya'll had ever dated a guy you were NEVER physically attracted to. Sorry for the CAPS, but I just wanted to make sure that ya'll understand what I was asking. Not someone you lost your attraction for because they got fat, went bald, etc. I am talking about going out with a guy who you weren't physically attracted to from the moment you first saw him (on a scale of 1-10 he never ranked above a 4 or 5 physically). If so, how in the world did he get you to go out with him in the first place, if there was not a scintilla of physical attraction? Just curious. Thanks. Hey Ponzoli! Funny you should ask this question. I have in fact dated a guy who I was not attracted to. Mind you, I wouldn't say it there was ZERO attraction...but it was certainly minimal. I went out with him b/c he was my best friend. He was quite intelligent and very kind. Also, my parents adored him. So I continued dating him (for a LONG time). I should've gotten out of the relationship a lot sooner (or not dated him in the first place). We were just wrong for each other. But to answer your question, yes, I did.
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 If the girl can get wet and the guy can get hard, that's enough of a physical attraction IMHO... other things contribute to someone's attractiveness... such as personality, intelligence, warmth, etc... This means that if you're not physically attractive enough to turn the other person on, then it'll probably never happen (aside from gold-diggers of both sexes). Although, if you're in that category even barely, then you have a shot. Physical attractiveness is the least important aspect of a relationship IMHO, but probably the most important when judging who you want to date lol. Kind of ironic, don't you think?
Author Ponzoli Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 I could not agree more with your quote below. It perfectly sums up the conundrum we all face (especially those of us less attractive than the average individual) when first seeking out a mate. It might ultimately be the least important aspect of a lasting relationship, but it is damn hard to get your foot through the door without it! Once again Darkzen, you hit the nail right on the head. Life can be a b*tch sometimes, no?! Physical attractiveness is the least important aspect of a relationship IMHO, but probably the most important when judging who you want to date lol. Kind of ironic, don't you think?
Author Ponzoli Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Thanks for your response in this thread. You and Darkzen both raised excellent points. Unfortunately, I seem to have violated an internal code of conduct by having the audacity to actually ask you for your opinion on my "Guys, Ladies-Is She interested in me?" thread, as evidenced by the fact that this tidy little message appears at the bottom of my Original Post :"Last edited by LoveShack.org moderator." I also received a stern reprimand via Private Message from a LoveShack moderator and a penalty of 3 points (does this mean my auto insurance will go up?) I am not sure if you will ever get to read this message, but I am assuming that since you and Darkzen have responded in this thread, then I will be permitted to mention both of you by name in this response without incurring the Wrath of Khan. If there is anyway, that you could read the factual scenario laid out in my aforementioned "Guys, Ladies-Is she interested in me?" thread, I would appreciate it. As I stated before, I appreciate ya'll's opinions and look forward to reading your take on that situation. Thanks (and if I happen to be led off to the gallows by the LoveShack moderators for this thread, let me say that it was a pleasure speaking to each of you and I appreciate all of your opinions and help.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I did a few years ago. He was really intelligent and I respected him a lot, but he wasn't boyfriend material (at least not for someone like me). We were really honest with each other, and I told him several times throughout our relationship that I wasn't physically attracted to him, and he seemed hurt, but accepted it.
Trialbyfire Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Yes, I've dated a few guys who, on initial meet were okay but grew progressively more attractive after getting to know them, to the point where I had no qualms about dating them. I've also met many good-looking men who after the initial admiration of "he's kinda' cute", getting to know them was like getting to know a cesspit. And no, I didn't date them.
sofakingmad Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 isn't this question like asking is someone shallow or not?
jcster Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 If the girl can get wet and the guy can get hard, that's enough of a physical attraction IMHO... Wow...you're quite the romantic! But...to answer your question...no...I don't ever go out with guys I'm not physically attracted to. (ps...it's not the wet/hard guy....)
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 This is my problem too. I am barely ever truly attracted to someone and when I am, guys are somehow unavailable. As I'm getting older I'm realizing that if I want to have family and kids, and I badly do, it is just not going to happen for me if I am waiting for that strong spark coupled with compatibile and kind personality. However, if I am prepared to leave out the spark, I can find guys that would be good matches. Also if in long term relationships passion fades anyway and all we are left if companionship, why not just start out with this? My point is that in few years time, we will be in the same place as couples with mad passion. Also, strong passion can often be destructive.
Citizen Erased Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Please never use ya'll in a post. It hurts my brain. Sorry im quite weird today. I assume you mean physical attraction, and I rate that lower then intellectual and emotional compatibility when considering a relationship with someone.
birdie Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I met someone once I didn't rate at all in terms of looks and in fact thought that he had certain features that actually put me off, he asked for my number but I refused (since I wasn't going to play games with him). Nevertheless we became sort of mates, not close friends but would hang out with the same circle of friends and he didn't give up - he wasn't a creep though. So he wore me down basically and we ended up dating and I have to say he was quite possibly the best lover I ever had. I saw him about a year and a half after we broke up and the physical attraction was still very strong. so there you have it.
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Well, yes, I did. Not that there was zilch physical attraction. There was just enough of a teeny weeny little spark there that I thought if I tried hard enough I could ignite. Why did I do this? I was lonely and had thrown myself out on the dating scene with a ferocity that was unhealthy. I was in search for the right partner (and stumbled on the worst possible one)! But that's beside the point. Anyway, we dated for a few motns but the fireworks I was so anxiously waiting to explode within me me never got off the gorund. I 'd rationalize and try to convince myself that he had so many good qualities: kindness, consistency, values, honesty etc.... And I was bored to tears!!! So I decided to go for the big test and invite him into my bed! Not once but twice!!! A complete disaster!!! He was falling for me and so I knew I had to back off though I enjoyed his company as a friend but nothing more. Being the sensible, rational person he was , he too backed off, not wanting to get to hurt. I was relieved. Which to quote Elliot," leads me to an overwhelming question"? Why are the bad boys sooooooooo irresistable????
Herzen Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 "Why are the bad boys sooooooooo irresistable????" Bad boys, as you call us, often have quiet confidence and the erotic energy to back it up. Both attributes are a turn-on for many women. Bad boys must always be careful, however, that their confidence does not curdle into arrogance and their sexuality does not become the sole measure of their being. The best of the bad boys have fun with sex and make the sex even more fun for their partner.
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Bad boys, as you call us Ah, Herzen, darling! I can always sniff out a "bad boy" even in cyberspace!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs and more hugs! Marlena
Herzen Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Hugs back to you, woman. I'm only a "bad boy" with certain women. Some women do a better job than others in eliciting a guy's inner "bad boy." Why is that? Perhaps because of her "bad girl" qualities, which I'm sure you possess in spades my dear. Later.
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Herzen darling, I take that as a compliment!! Yet more hugs, Marlena
Author Ponzoli Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Herzen? Marlena? Man, I wish I was a bad boy so I could take part in this discussion and maybe get some huggin' action.
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Huge hugs to you too, Ponzoli! As for Herzen, well, I guess you have to first prove to him how much of a "bad girl" you really are!!! Not hard to do!!! He spots them oceans away!!! Herzen darling, Later!
Mustang Sally Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Question: Have you dated anyone you were not physically attracted to? Answer: Yeah. Twice. They were great guys, good friends, had a lot of good qualities, we had fun together. But I had no significant physical attraction to them. Of course, the relationships ultimately were unsuccessful.
Els Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 How do you actually define physical attraction? Simply looks, or anything visible from the outside -- as in, the way he walks, laughs, carries himself, etc? I'm gonna come off sounding really weird here but honestly, yes I have, and it's been over half a year down the road and I don't regret it. As in, I can objectively say he isn't handsome, but I find many 'physical' things (the way he laughs, smells, the way his hand, chest etc feels) attractive. Yet somehow I don't think that counts as physical attraction. So yeah, I have and I still am. Plenty of other things to admire in a guy anyway, and I always thought people who made looks their main criterion in choosing a mate were shallow.
BlueEyedGirl Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 How do you actually define physical attraction? Simply looks, or anything visible from the outside -- as in, the way he walks, laughs, carries himself, etc? I'm gonna come off sounding really weird here but honestly, yes I have, and it's been over half a year down the road and I don't regret it. As in, I can objectively say he isn't handsome, but I find many 'physical' things (the way he laughs, smells, the way his hand, chest etc feels) attractive. Yet somehow I don't think that counts as physical attraction. So yeah, I have and I still am. Plenty of other things to admire in a guy anyway, and I always thought people who made looks their main criterion in choosing a mate were shallow. This is not about looks. It's about physical chemistry and wanting to "do" someone. I have often been turned off by very good looking men who seemed like arrogant jerks and very much attracted to men who are average looking at best. But those average looking men were still attractive to me because of their other qualities. However, what I'm talking here, is men who despite all good qualities on paper just don't do it for me in the passion department.
Darkzen Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 This is not about looks. It's about physical chemistry and wanting to "do" someone. I have often been turned off by very good looking men who seemed like arrogant jerks and very much attracted to men who are average looking at best. But those average looking men were still attractive to me because of their other qualities. However, what I'm talking here, is men who despite all good qualities on paper just don't do it for me in the passion department. Actually the OP didn't really specify. But like I said, looks are only important to a point. You can be physically attractive and through mannerisms/actions become less attractive to someone. I'm sorry but if my perfect women was 500lbs, covered in ache and butt ugly... I doubt I could get hard, unless I drank so much I didn't know what was going on or I was strong-willed enough to close my eyes and imagine something else. I'm sure it's the same for women... they could have sex with anyone (under the right conditions), but wouldn't want to or wouldn't enjoy it. There has to be some measure of physical attraction... other things add or subtract to the base physical attraction, but there has to be a workable base. A lot of this is all in your head though. If you know how, you change the way you see the world. We're conditioned to find certain things attractive and unattractive by society... some of it follows our natural selection instincts. Bad boys are more attractive than nice guys, because of natural selection instincts. Just as bad boys feel the need to sleep around and spread their seed to as many women as possible, also natural selection instinct. I'm sorry, but I feel we have intelligence and reason for a purpose... it's what is the difference between us and animals. Animals are ruled by instinct... we have the power to pick and choose our path. We can be so much more, than nature intended us to be. I guess, this is why I get on people who are ruled by emotions/instincts. I feel that they're short-changing themselves. They seek happiness and contentment, but because of instinct/emotion, they end up moving farther away from their goals. We can spend our whole lives seeking perfection and never find it. When do you decide to settle, to be content, to enjoy what you do have?
Author Ponzoli Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Darkzen, excellently stated. I agree 100% with your following quote. Even if my OP did not specify it, that is exactly what I was going for. There has to be at least a base of physical attraction to work from for anything to happen thereafter Actually the OP didn't really specify. But like I said, looks are only important to a point. You can be physically attractive and through mannerisms/actions become less attractive to someone. I'm sorry but if my perfect women was 500lbs, covered in ache and butt ugly... I doubt I could get hard, unless I drank so much I didn't know what was going on or I was strong-willed enough to close my eyes and imagine something else. I'm sure it's the same for women... they could have sex with anyone (under the right conditions), but wouldn't want to or wouldn't enjoy it. There has to be some measure of physical attraction... other things add or subtract to the base physical attraction, but there has to be a workable base.
RecordProducer Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 I don't separate physical from intellectual and emotional. I see a man as a whole - the way he really is. I can't like his body but not like his mind. If I don't like his mind, I don't like appearance either. The older I get the more I get excited by intellect and integrity. I am talking about completely subjective assessment of one's intellect. With this I am answering your question; these two things accompanied by a sense of humor would make me date a guy whom I don't instantly like. I am highly annoyed by a question that automatically equates "attraction" with "hot looks." It's like asking me how I like the milk in the cake; I either like the whole cake or nothing about it. Dating and falling in love with someone who didn't instantly cause butterflies in your stomach is totally fine. It's the opposite that I find odd (dating someone just because you like their looks)! If I think that a guy is dumb, I can't go to bed with him.
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