lotuseater Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Hey. I am a 35 year old male who has a crush on someone younger. We have been really close for 3 years and I saw her through problems in a relationship that lasted about 1 year. I have never told her how I feel about her but I feel fairly certain that she knows. Recently, she ended her long-term relationship and immediately launched into something with someone else. It was a situation she had been flirting with for some time, and I was aware of it but in some state of denial. The problem is, this pattern of hers of looking for a relationship to replace the long-term one has been going on for some time and has always caused me strife. Right now, though, this new situation is particularly painful to me. I think she doesn't think about me that way. Which is, OF COURSE, her right, but it is causing lots of problems in our friendship because I feel myself lashing out at her. I realize that is unfair. I want very much to keep her as a friend. But I feel that unless I can deal with these feelings somehow, I will continue to treat her badly and lose her altogether, in addition to hurting her feelings. Can anyone give me any advice as to how to deal with this situation?
Ocean-Blue Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Hey. I am a 35 year old male who has a crush on someone younger. We have been really close for 3 years and I saw her through problems in a relationship that lasted about 1 year. I have never told her how I feel about her but I feel fairly certain that she knows. Recently, she ended her long-term relationship and immediately launched into something with someone else. It was a situation she had been flirting with for some time, and I was aware of it but in some state of denial. The problem is, this pattern of hers of looking for a relationship to replace the long-term one has been going on for some time and has always caused me strife. Right now, though, this new situation is particularly painful to me. I think she doesn't think about me that way. Which is, OF COURSE, her right, but it is causing lots of problems in our friendship because I feel myself lashing out at her. I realize that is unfair. I want very much to keep her as a friend. But I feel that unless I can deal with these feelings somehow, I will continue to treat her badly and lose her altogether, in addition to hurting her feelings. Can anyone give me any advice as to how to deal with this situation? Has she confirmed that this is a case of unrequited love - or are you merely reading into it? If the answer to the above is "yes", then I suggest you get some distance. If you have feelings for her, you lose your ability to be objective (or most people do anyway). What she does in her romantic relationships is up to her. If she is into rebounds...well that's her choice. Not much you can do but be a supportive FRIEND. But seeing as how you've been pining away for her, it's not a good idea to delve into her personal relationships. Leave it be. Get some fresh air. Make other friends.
fudge_cake_89 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 ok. ive been in a similar situation in my life already, but ive been on the other side of the situation to you, the same side as her. as happened with me, my friend evidently liked me a hell of a lot but never said anything which made me more anxious around him. he finally told me and we became very close...we entered a relationship 5 months after he told me, but it has just ended because i feel like im letting him down because i still dont like him half as much as he does me, and he deserves better than that. we are still best friends though. i dont know your whole situation but basically if you think it will work, tell her you really like her, even if she knows already, the act of you admitting it may bring you closer in the longrun. hope it works out for you guys.
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