Grace112 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 "You are so much better off" - that's something everyone tells you in a break-up. It's been almost 3 months since the day my ex called off the wedding, but I can honestly say I don't feel any better off. I'm exercising more, making better food choices, and am more toned, however I'd say 99.9% of the time I'd trade it all just to be with him again. I feel so frustrated. Everything that is "right" just feels so empty. I want so much to share my life with him and to share in his. Today, I made another payment on my engagement ring and instead of feeling upset that I had to do so, I felt wistful because I saw that he named the account using his pet name for me. I can say that I am physically healthier, but I definitely don't feel any better about this situation at all.
Sanslatete Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Sorry to hear that Grace112, it must be tough. I can identify with what you say. I'm healthier, eat better food (no junk, just proper meat, veg, fish, and no caffeine). I keep myself active most of the time and stay among people every day. But everything seems pointless and dull and without purpose. I have issues with my ex, but I miss her and think about her all the time. I wish I could undo everything that's happened since the summer and just go back to how we were. I don't want to live this life (existence), being healthy seems like an empty gesture when I'm only doing it to 'cope'. Having to pay for your ring must really tug at your emotions, I can't imagine what that kind of attachment to the past must feel like. My heart goes out to you.
carrotgirl Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Grace, my heart goes out to you as well. We all like to whine a little about our troubles and yeah, we all hurt but my hurt doesn't begin to compare to yours. I'm in awe of you that only 3 months since you're getting on as well as you do! Brava! Carrot
sedgwick Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Grace, why are you still paying for your ring?!?
Author Grace112 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 sedgwick, his credit is not good so we bought the ring under my credit. Knowing that he wouldn't continue to pay for the ring after he called off the wedding, I kept it and have been making payments ever since. I'm trying to sell it so that I don't have to continue paying but so far the offers don't even total half the original cost of the ring. I had no qualms about doing it - I never thought I'd end up having to pay for it. carrotgirl, thanks for the props. I really don't even feel half as strong as I put out there. It's out of pure necessity because I don't have a choice otherwise. The wedding date is a month past. He hasn't contacted me. He has a new girlfriend. As much as I wish I could do or say something, I know it's not going to make a difference to him. He made this choice because a life with me isn't what he wants. It makes tears well up in my eyes every time I think about it, but I know I can't make someone want to be with me. I don't like it and I don't want it, but he's with the woman he wants to be with. For my own sanity, I don't look at the ring every day. It's funny how one piece of jewelry means so much to me and nothing at all to him.
sao2 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 A lifetime ago(6+ years ago) I was left with a ring from a previous engagement. That relationship ended and I ended up paying the ring off for almost 10 month's after we had broken up. In fact almost a year afterwards I paid the ring off on Valentines day. I even in passing saw the ex at the mall the day I paid it off. It was GREAT closure for me. I lived and loved to be hurt again if it is any consolation. I still even have the ring, my Mom has it in her jewelry box. You do seem quite strong and to be honest I am surprised you didn't shove that ring where the sun don't shine. It would have been the gentlemanly thing for him to do to pay for the ring,not because he called off the engagement but because he is the man(ol' fashioned I know). With time this pain will pass. I remember seeing that ex a couple of years after we broke up. She dumped me and I was very hurt. Afterwards when I saw her, all feelings on my end were gone, she seemed like she had held on to alot of anger she had towards me. It was bittersweet, I might have even smiled if I still had feelings. I actually just felt sorry for her that she had held on to the anger she had for so long.
angie16 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 i feel the same way grace. i feel and look better but would go back in a second.
hopeforlove243 Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 I wish I could be like all of you, work out more and hang out with friends more. I just want to go home after work, and being alone When I am with my friends, I couldn't stop wondering when I could be happy again as they are, that just make me feel worse. Keep doing the right thing for yourself!
trulysomething Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 Grace, that sucks about the ring. The boy and I broke up about 3 weeks ago or a bit more. I too am healthier, exercising more (still sad to go out with friends..especially the ones in new relationships!!) but I am managing slowly. I technically "know" I am better off without him..but that doesn't stop the fact that I "want" to be with him each day and I would have done anything to work on things. But the issues were his to work on. (I ws handling mine) I want to call him when I wake up and hear his voice wish me a goodnight. He calls, I don't answer..maybe every third call. In time I guess we will all feel better..but until then, we have each other to chat to.
Author Grace112 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 I know we had difficulties. I know that there were things I did and said that hurt/angered him and vice versa. I know that I'm willing to work on those things and that he's not. In fact, it seems that the behaviors that used to so worry me in the past are in full force. Why then do I want to be with him so desperately? The very same things that used to stress me out didn't just disappear. They're all still there. A personality doesn't magically change over a couple of months. Somehow though the hopeful part of me thinks that if we were just back together again - things would get back to where they used to be when we were so happy - that we learned our lessons on our own and that we can be better people for ourselves and for each other. Naive? I don't know - I'm just hoping for the best.
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