sweetpea1318 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Hey there everyone. I'm new so I'll start by saying hi. I'm looking for advice on how to forgive my boyfriend (who has been my best friend since i was in my teens) after he lied to me about some really important issues in our relationship. I'll try to make this as easy as possible. been friends about twelve years decided to we were in love a year ago first six months everything is amazing THEN I hear a rumor his ex is pregnant no big deal (whether she is or not she was BEFORE ME) ask him about it, he denies it a mutual friend explains he is lying so i ask again he confesses tells me it was a one night stand two weeks later same mutual friend tells me it was not the one night stand again i drag it out of him it is one of my friends she's married a week later i find out i am pregnant all hell breaks loose for the next 3 months we fight all the time, he doesn't come home, he compares me to her when he is angry I AM HEARTBROKEN i loose our baby Things calm down and we agree to try to help and love and forgive one another and we want to work it all out. The past two months or so I find I am fighting with thoughts of him and her. I feel second best. I can't seem to let go and love him like I used to. I am short with him and irritable. I'm insecure. I have irrational fear about where he is or what he's doing. I constantly pick fights with him. I'm sick of crying but I am hurting so much. I feel like I'm a nut. How do i just let go? Is there anything I can do to help myself let go of my anger and learn to love him again?
melodymatters Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 so his supposed ex is pregnant with HIS baby and is married ? Do i have that right ? I don't know if I would work on forgiving him as much as forgetting him, but maybe I've got the facts confused.
Duck n' Bunnies Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I really am not trying to be rude at all... but maybe loosing the baby was a sign.
Krytie TV Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I really am not trying to be rude at all... but maybe loosing the baby was a sign. That is rude. Losing a life is never a positive.
Sweetcheripie Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Sweetpea, I'm sorry but I don't think you are asking the right questions. I don't think you need to let go of your anger and learn to love him again. I think you need to learn to let go of your anger at yourself and learn to love yourself. As cliche as that sounds. You have been through a lot. Take some time to take care of you. Are you two living together? I'm a little confused on the ex girlfriends baby too? Is she married to someone else with your bf's baby? Also, did this happen before you two were together or did he cheat on you?
Author sweetpea1318 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 let me try to be clearer. i was very upset when i posted. i apologize. yes we live together. he slept with a married woman before he and i were together. he knew that she was possibly pregnant but did not tell me. about six months into the relationship we moved in together. two weeks later i heard the "rumor" confronted him. he lied. told me that it wasn't true. but when she demanded a paternity test he had to tell me the truth. things got really bad between us. the worse things got the more he turned to her for comfort. the more upset i got he would say "(her name) would never treat me like this". i'll admit i was insane with jealousy. i checked up in him constantly. but i felt a lone. i was pregnant and he just kept lying. about where he was. about talking to her. about seeing her. and the more we fought the longer he would stay gone. he wouldn't come home. he wouldn't answer my calls. he would spend his lunch breaks talking to her about their child. it was if i was on the back burner. i felt alone and angry and just miserable. i couldnt understand why the man i loved so much and who had loved me so much was putting me in second place. he promised he wouldn't hurt me... then i lost the baby. suddenly he was there again. holding me. he was there for the horrid D and C. he took care of me. i thought things could work. but slowly he went back to calling her all the time. sending her messages. they couldn't see each other becuase of her husband but the whole thing just had affair written all over it (again). the baby is born now. and although we seem to be better i can't stop thinking ther is something going on behind my back. i don't believe him when he says he's working late. when he doesn't answer my calls i freak out. although, i can't prove any of my fears to be true. i love him so. but i'm still so furious and hurt. i'm afraid i'm pushing him away because of my jealousy and inability to cope... i feel very lost.
Author sweetpea1318 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 i guess i feel like i'm being irrational
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 That is rude. Losing a life is never a positive. i doubt it was meant as "yay, you lost your baby." i think that poster meant, "this is your new lease on life, get away from this guy and straighten yourself out. this is your chance." that's how it happened for me. i know a lot of people would think i was a nasty jerk for saying i do not regret miscarrying, but it's true. i would have been stuck with a horrible man in my life, or would have been stuck with a child i really wasn't ready for on my own. i never would have made the accomplishments i made if not that for that major change in my life. the creation of a new life in uncertain circumstances is not always such a welcome experience, as hard as it may be for others to digest that fact. for some people, a second chance happens that way. you live and you learn. remember that, sweetpea.
Author sweetpea1318 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 i won't say that there wasn't relief when i lost the pregnancy! sadness, grief, anger, but relief too. it was not my ideal situation or time. but it still hurts like hell.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 i won't say that there wasn't relief when i lost the pregnancy! sadness, grief, anger, but relief too. it was not my ideal situation or time. but it still hurts like hell. i understand. hugs to you.
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