Randal602 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 S During the last six weeks (since we seperated) you have amazed me over and over with how truly cold and selfish you can be. Every time you hit a new or high (or low>) I am floored once again. What started out as a break for us, has finally boxed me in that "corner", where one again I am left with no choice. So I wanted to take some time and recap the events over ther last few weeks, just to see if we finally see things the same way. Did I want you to move out? no..you know that...and from them moment you cried, and said this is the biggest mistake you have ever made, things have gone downhill eversince. The whole "you are numb" inside thing has finally started to sound like a load of BS to me. I do know I did the wrong things for the first couple weks..begged, been desperate, but screw it, I'm only human afterall. Now it seems that the further I get from you, the harder you try. Remember you were the one who said you only "felt quilty" and that is why you talked to me...so I quit calling, talking to you, then all of a sudden you need me to watch the dogs.help you do things, etc. Then of course, (this is a classic) You don't wanna be married (because you don't wanna feel obligated) once again. I fell for it a few times, but not again. I guees I kept holding on because I felt we had not damaged each other that much. I still do not think you are having an affair. Few people can when they go home and go to bed at 8 every night....whats worse is you still report everything that you do to me to reassure me that you are not while at the same time telling me that I need to let you go. Remember it is you who chose to move right around the corner, so I can't leave my home without passing yours. I do know you lost your father and how close you are, that your son got married and moved away, and that you and your dather had af fight and youv'e not spoken to here in months. All in all, you have had a crappy year and I have tried to be supportive. I know that you will never admit you are depressed over these events.....and thats why you won't go back to therpy with me, but I am still going... The sadest part is when you said I was a good husband and you know you were a bad wife....but you don't think you want to deal with it right now, you just want to be left alone. So now I give you divorce papers....wait a week and go back to pick them up..yet you haven't signed them?...so of course I see hope again...ask you to go to the theripist again and you say I am forcing you to go or I'll divorce you?.....damn right, sorry so then you say the papers don't mean anything to you, they are just papers....but yet you didn't sign them...I wait a few days then call ad you finally sign them..but ask me to wait a month before I file..I said Id think about it... so we come to last week...I go by to get the dogs..you said I look cute (im 44..shes 46) I said thanks..and left. You call me on Friday said I looked nice again, then asked me to wait till Monday and have a talk about things...again..i said ok. Course you were supposed to ge the dogs before I get home on Sunday...but you didn't came on in set down...actually was a nice conversation..then you leaned over kissed me, hugged me, said I love you and left.... Then it gets crazy...after all the cruel dismissive things ou have said in 6 weeks...Monday is the worst. You come over, talk..and seem to be opening up...a glimmer of hope...again...but I don't bite (well a bit, but not hard)...then your eyes glaze over again and say I should file for divorce..cause you know you are hurting me...and I have come to far to wait for you, and you don;t like causeing me such pain...so I say what the f***, ok i quit. Then you talk about how cute I am and ask if i have met someone else (guess cause I more aloof now?) ..and you know I wouldn't do that till we are divorced....then you say you want to have sex...kinda blew my mind...course you didn't want to if it was gonna give me false hope...course I said your are pitiful..you got mad and left... then of course you call back in a couple of hours and "weak" me answers...still on the sex thing I see....so as a lark I say ok...(course you throw in the "is better then me going to someone else"...)...so time passes..I know its a bad idea..I stop by on my way to meet my buddies.you start to talk about you kids...I ask you not to tell me anymore about them...and explain why (I was very close with them..they lived here..I helped them though college..was a part of my day to day life..it pains me to hear about them right now)...course you get mad again and ask me to leave....then you reconsider..i sit down..you look at me and ask me to go again...I get up and ask what not...again you say "cause you are so cute to me and it breaks my heart" so i go out with my buddies..u call and ask am I still coming over for sex...laughing I say sure...and I do..and it backfires on you...was great sex...but it had no feelings for me...truly, as we were together, every horrible thing you have said to me came back....and I was the one who was "numb"... so, remeber when you asked me not to tell you if and when I filed for divorce?...you are getting your wish, I filed today...and remeber when you asked me last night to promise you I would no loger have sex with you after I sleep wit someone else...your getting that one too....for, you see, I never want to talk to or hear from you again...if you call I won't answer...If you come by I won't open....(I put the house on the market today)..will move in a different neighborhood... whats bad is I feel no need to call you names and don't hate you...have a nice life R PS your fried A called last week....might call her back in 30 days anyfeedback...what do you think
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 What kind of feedback are you looking for? It's good that it is a letter you will never send. Because sending it won't accomplish anything and you would regret it later once you have some time and distance from this event in your life. I'm also separated about 6 weeks and I, too, wrote a letter. But there are days when I look at it and think "Wow, how whiny and pathetic this sounds." And it's knowing that I am thinking that more often, that keeps me from sending it.
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