cdd469 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Hey, I am a first timer in loveshack, and this is my first thread, and i really need advice. I am a 21 year old student and a year in a half ago i met an amazing girl, I loved her company and i was in love for the very first time.. I treated her the best way possible, I loved her and was really romantic. Honestly I did nothng wrong and everyone said i was the perfect boyfriend.. Before our summer break she came to a conclusion that we should have an open relationship over the summer..to get more experiences because we were so young, and still madly in love....However during the summer things went a bit odd, she wasn't talking to me as much as we used to and eventually she told me that she wanted to break up with me.. The reasons were because i was holding her back... At first I thought she got confused from the whole open relationship thing, and i thought when we got back to uni we were gonna hook up...but now that i am back in uni, things haven't changed, she is actually having a lot of fun in uni more fun then she had when she was dating me...and actually really bonded with her friends which before when we were dating she was kinda far away because i didn't really click with them.. and hasn't given me any signs that she wants to get back with me....we are still friends however we only speak once a week over msn...and its very dull convo - friends convo...I was thinking of the things i had done wrong which might have effected her decision...and came up with the fact that i enjoy staying home and just chilling and never got along with her friends...while she loves going out, and hated staying around...I know the main reason she most prob broke up with me is because she thought she could do better or smt..after all i am not that greatly built...but honestly i can't get her out of my mind...i am still in love with her and want her back...and sometimes i just want to phone her and say i love u and actually tell how i feel about her, but i am scared of scaring her away...without her i am really depressed and just knowing that she is better off without me is kiling me inside..i really need her, and my life withot her is misrable and lonely...is there any way of getting back with her?
Author cdd469 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 or is it a complete lost, and there is nothing i can do anymore...
Ocean-Blue Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 So you two are not together anymore? If so, have you had the chance to sit down and talk to her? To figure out exactly what went wrong? Perhaps you need "closure"...you two drifted from being exclusive to seeing other people...and you seem to have been left behind.
Author cdd469 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 we aren't going out anymore...we are just friends....the closure she gave me was that i was holding her back, which is kinda true, because i wasnt going out and always sitting around the house while she wanted to meet new people and go out a lot...and honestly thats not me...but i still didn't have a problem with her going out with her friends without me..and i did go out with her from time to time...but maybe it wasn't enough...also to add she is a very independent girl...and she never wanted to be tied down...which i understand...but during the whole relationship she was happy and never complained about anything untill summer when she broke up with me....she hasn't given me a proper closure..and i did ask for one quite a few times..and right now wants to stop talking about it...
Ocean-Blue Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 we aren't going out anymore...we are just friends....the closure she gave me was that i was holding her back, which is kinda true, because i wasnt going out and always sitting around the house while she wanted to meet new people and go out a lot...and honestly thats not me...but i still didn't have a problem with her going out with her friends without me..and i did go out with her from time to time...but maybe it wasn't enough...also to add she is a very independent girl...and she never wanted to be tied down...which i understand...but during the whole relationship she was happy and never complained about anything untill summer when she broke up with me....she hasn't given me a proper closure..and i did ask for one quite a few times..and right now wants to stop talking about it... If she doesn't want to provide you with closure and wants you to "stop talking about it" then perhaps you should do that. What is the point in pursuing someone who doesn't want to be with you? All you are doing is delaying the inevitable. You need to learn to shut her out. She's moved on and so should you. The sooner you do that, more distant of a memory she will become. I know it's hard to see that now...you are wallowing in the memories and the rejection. And it's healthy to do that for a while (to feel the pain). But at some point you gotta man up and say "whatever" and just move on. Do NC. Forget about her.
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