Steffie575 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Alright. Here's the story. I am an almost 23 year old woman. When I was 16 I met a guy named Adam who is about a year older than me. We became friends, but then he had to move back to California (where he's from) with his family. I live in FL. We continued to talk on the phone, write letters. send cards, etc. Over time, we became very connected and fell in love. I think we made such a tight bond because we had no physical interaction at all during those first few years, just talking constantly. Finally he came back to Florida to visit me and we had an AMAZING time. We continued this long distance thing with 2 week visits every so often and it was hard, but we were in love! The way he talked to me....I thought our love was special; that we were meant to be. The last time he came here was about 5 months ago and we had a great time. After he left I had been going through some hard times and it seemed like we were constantly fighting (which I realize now that I was probably bringing out my stress on him somewhat). During a particularly bad fight I told him that I thought he wasn't trying hard enough to transfer his job and save up money to move down here. Which he was trying to do....I was just mad and upset so I said it. So then he starts ignoring me. This goes on for a month. A month!! I was upset but we've had fights before where we ignore each other and take our space but we ALWAYS went back to each other. I went along with it for a week, but after that began calling and texting him everyday wanting to make up. it was so frustrating because the phone is our only way of contact. Eventually I got desperate and hacked into his Myspace account. (Bad idea!) I proceeded to find some messages back and forth to a girl who lives in California. Flirty messages but I didn't think anything too much of it. He figured out I got into his Myspace and FINALLY calls me. I ask about the girl and he tells me she is his new GIRLFRIEND. WTF! I am in complete shock and he tells me that what I said in our last fight really hurt him and during this last month he fell out of love with me! Of course I screamed and cried for hours on the phone with him that night and the night after. He told me he's already over me. That was almost two weeks ago and since that weekend he hasn't spoken one word to me. His new girlfriend even sent me messages on stupid Myspace telling me to leave them alone! Then he deleted me from his Myspace. Its only Myspace, yes, but to me it is another part of his life Im blocked from. So here's the thing. During our relationship he has basically been OBSESSED with me. We talked about kids, marriage, everything. We were in LOVE. He always said that if we ever broke up it would be me breaking up with him because he could never do it. He also said that if we broke up it would take ages for him to get over me. Yet he's "over me" in a month? Ive read that it takes at least half the time you were with someone to get over them. In my heart I know he isnt over me and that he still loves me. I know he thinks hes over me because he has another girl to focus on, you know? But i miss him SO much, Ive basically cried myself to sleep for two weeks straight. What no one seems to understand is that I dont WANT to get over him. I believe he will come back to me. No one understandds the way we used to talk to each other. Are all the things he said lies? Or is he just hurt and masking it with a new girl? Is it possible to leave a six year relationship and in a month be over that person? To fall out of love? And be with someone else? Is it possible that we will work it out if I give him time. Im afraid if I leave his relationship alone he may fall in love with her. But on the other hand, I also think that if i try to stop contacting him he will see what he's missing and come back to me? I dont know what to do or think.
fluffy0 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I don't think this guy is completely over you unless he was deceiving you the whole time you were going out and wasn't that in to you to begin with. But probably, he is still sad about what happened. However, by not contacting you and starting to date another girl he is showing you that he is actively trying ot get over you. Also, by letting his new girlfriend do his bidding for him and tell you off he is showing his immaturity and callousness towards you. If you continue trying to make contact with him he will just see you as some weirdo stalker ex that just can't accept that its over. Who knows why his feelings changed towards you so suddenly. Maybe the fight you had was just the last string. But try not to waste your time analyzing why he dumped you or if he still has any feelings left for you. Life is too short to spend it loving someone who isn't loving you back. His actions are making it quite clear that he wants nothing to do with you anymore. I know thats really hard to swallow and you wish so much you could change things. He clearly wants to move on with his life, or else he is playing some kind of weird head games with you in which case he is not going to be a very good partner in the long run anyways and doesn't really care about you. So, even though you don't want to, you just have to move on with your life. it takes two people to have a relationship so if he no longer wants to participate then you have no choice. It will be hard and you will feel hurt and betrayed for a long time but eventually you will move on and this will just become another closed chapter in your life.
Author Steffie575 Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Thank you so much for responding. Im glad im not the only one who believes he still has feelings for me! Its just that im so confused....i dont get how someone can be so in love and then want to move on so suddenly. Isnt there a chance that he's just hurt and shes a rebound that will end quickly? I do realize that I need to stop trying to contact him, because then he will start to hate me. Its so hard for me to hear people tell me to move on....when you believe someone is going to MARRY you and spend their life with you and then suddenly they dont want you anymore....i just wish i wasnt so naive.
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