marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I'm wondering if the people who get played are just willfully blind, ignoring glaring red flags. I'm pretty good at reading people and detecting fakery. Well...I hope I never have to eat my own words. Yes, Shadow, it is all about ignoring what your gut instinct is whispering to you...no matter how faintly, the whisper is there. We choose to ignore it. It's pure, unadulterated denial! Nothing is really ever sprung onto us as long as we heed that oh so faint but nagging whisper. Then, we pay the price for our self - inflicted deafness! I so agree with you.
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Because for THEM, they've had plenty of time to process it all because it had been a long time in the making for them. Alas! Another, oh, so true statement!
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Thanks for the chuckle!!! I think your tiff was just that..something inconsequential... otherwise he would have wanted to have that heart to heart talk...peeing dog or not!! A good sign I'd say. Though I can't really assess as you didn't mention what the argument was about! If it was something silly..I'd just say let it go unless he mentions it first...Then, agian, if it were something serious, best address it now Marlena
Kamille Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Well we went to the dog park, dinner and a walk on the beach. We get back to my house and I think ok we are gonna talk, make out, something - BUT - the dog pee'd on him and he left! I feel terrible, but he took it in stride, asked for a kiss goodnight and said, we willl see each other tomorrow. So either things are fine, or he is breaking up with me tonight as last night he really needed to go home. UHHHHH, gotta make you chuckle though Good for you! But honey, I hope you were joking with that bolded statement. Else you need to ask yourself why you focus so much on the remote possibility, against all signs to the contrary, that he might still want to dump you. I'll venture a guess.... You really like him, are starting to feel like he is someone you want in your life and that scares you... It makes you feel vulnerable and this focus on breaking up is the way this vulnerability is manifesting itself for you. Plus, you two had your first 'relationship-ish' discussion. It went well. You expressed yourself, he agreed with you and even said maybe there was more that needed to be talked about. He wouldn't be the first human, however, not to follow up on the 'more to talk about part'. And I for one am of the type to believe that sometimes, somethings are best left underanalysed. I'm guessing that you might not be very used to things turning out well when you stand your ground in a relationship. You took what seemed to you like a risk and are having a hard time believing that the guy you are dating was into you enough, and mature enough, to actually manage to work things through with you.
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 And I for one am of the type to believe that sometimes, somethings are best left underanalysed. I agree with Kamille... indeed, some things, sometimes are best not overanalysed! Other times, the opposite is true. Always Lost, Early days yet! The signs are good. Unless he mentions it first, just let the dog pee on him instead! ] Thanks for the chuckle!
sunshinegirl Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Yay!!!! Things sound like they're gonna be okay. If he were going to break up with you, he most likely would've done it last night, dog pee or no dog pee.
uniqueone Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I'm guessing that you might not be very used to things turning out well when you stand your ground in a relationship. You took what seemed to you like a risk and are having a hard time believing that the guy you are dating was into you enough, and mature enough, to actually manage to work things through with you. I can so relate to that feeling and experienced in this last relationship I was in. I was surprised when he wasn't just walking away. It seemed like it actually meant something. But.....it turns out he was a narcissist and he didn't like to lose any of his female followers. So...while this is a really good point you're making.....it's not always foolproof......
sunshinegirl Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I'm wondering if the people who get played are just willfully blind, ignoring glaring red flags. I'm pretty good at reading people and detecting fakery. Well...I hope I never have to eat my own words. Yes, Shadow, it is all about ignoring what your gut instinct is whispering to you...no matter how faintly, the whisper is there. We choose to ignore it. It's pure, unadulterated denial! Nothing is really ever sprung onto us as long as we heed that oh so faint but nagging whisper. Welll.... some people are very very good at masking and avoiding what's really going on. With the BF I keep mentioning on this thread, my gut instinct told me something had changed, something was 'off'... so I tried to discuss it with him, to no avail. He just wouldn't talk about it, kept trying to change the subject or crack a joke. I finally suggested a break so he could sort himself out, being very clear that I cared about him, wanted to be with him, but needed him to want to be with me too. That said, I was still shocked as all get out when he dumped me, though, because even though he had been acting funny, I couldn't point to anything significant (incompatibilities, fights, etc) that would lead me to think it was doomed.
marlena Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 my gut instinct told me something had changed, something was 'off'... This, sweetie, was your first clue! The second was he didn't want to talk about it.
Kamille Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I can so relate to that feeling and experienced in this last relationship I was in. I was surprised when he wasn't just walking away. It seemed like it actually meant something. But.....it turns out he was a narcissist and he didn't like to lose any of his female followers. So...while this is a really good point you're making.....it's not always foolproof...... True - but then nothing much is ever fullproof. I experienced what I describe when I first started going out with my ex (we were together 3 years). I was used to commitment-phobes and simply could not get used to the idea that issues could be resolved without blowing up in my face. In my case, it was the basis for a very loving and healthy relationship. I would now never let myself fall in love with a man who isn't capable to resolve issues in a mature caring way. That's why, until proof to the contrary, I think Alwayslost is in a good situation.
lino Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I wouldn't dump a girl at dinner. What I find most interesting is that so many people seem to dumped unexpectedly. I mean what kind of relationship are you in where the communication is so poor that you don't know whether your partner will break up with you at any moment. It's happened to me totally out of the blue 3 times. I've found it to be that most girls just don't know what they want, though I've never dated any women under 26 years old so that could explain some of that. Also some girls are just really good at acting
oppath Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I wouldn't dump a girl at dinner. It's happened to me totally out of the blue 3 times. I've found it to be that most girls just don't know what they want, though I've never dated any women under 26 years old so that could explain some of that. Also some girls are just really good at acting Some people don't know how to handle confrontation. With me, I wouldn't say it was out of the blue, because I noticed distant behavior and called it out. But I trusted when I was reassured. And I think most of us have been in the reverse situation, where we started doubting and it took 2 weeks or so to realize "we are not right for each other" while we were dating the person as normal. Good people can initite breakups poorly. OP: glad the dinner went well. Minor tiffs happen, even early on. It's all about communicating your boundaries and expectations.
uniqueone Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 BUT - the dog pee'd on him and he left! How have your dogs instincts been with men you've dated in the past? Maybe your dog was trying to tell you something!
Recommended Posts