IS this really my own fault

[lazy]

Hi all i was hoping someone may be able to give me a little advise. Right where to start, i was with my gf for 2 years and we had recently been talking about engagement.Oh ill just get to the point, im working away at the moment so for the last couple of months we have only spoke on msn and the phone.Everything seemed compleatly fine to me and she would tell me how much she loves me all the time etc,then last sundy she was very quiet and odd with me, i asked what the mater was to which she replied she was having a bad day.Well this apparent bad day whent on till tuesday, so i asked again if she was sure everything was alright between us, she replied "im not sure". Wow my heart sunk.I pushed a little for answers to which she replied she just needs time.So i agreed and left her to it.

 

This is the point where i begun to make every single mistake in the book. First stop alcohol (oh boy) anyway after a few hours drinking she txt askin how i was i replied "confused" i cant remember her reply but i do know i started to really push for answers.I did not get angry at this point but i just wouldnt let it drop till eventually she turned her phone of, cant blame her i guess. Anyway the next day we spoke on msn where i said sorry for the day before after a while she said "i just wanted some time but u couldnt give me that" I asked if she wanted to break up and yes she did.apparently if i had not pushed the day before she would not of (hmm)

 

The next day we did not talk.However the following day she txt again askin how i was, unfortuanatly i was very drunk and feeling angry and a real deep sense of loss.And well to cut a long story short i lost it big time and hurled loads of abuse at her, I always considerd myself a chilled out guy and really ashamed of some of the things i said i have no idea why i said them.Skip forward another day again she asks if i was ok and the conversation lead to her saying "I was goin to try get back with u but cant after the thing u said" So this is twice she has pointed out it was my fault.

 

She says she wants to be friends and is still in love with me and wants us to be together but we cant be.Im so confused is she just stringing me on for some reason? Is it a normal thing to break up with some one cus for the 1st time in a 2 year relationship i called her a few nasty names? the thing that i hate is she knows i would never of got angry if i wasnt confussed upset and well felt like my whole future had been ripped away from me, why cant she forgive me for that if she loves me so much. GRRR i just dont know maybe i deserve it. Any way any words of wisdom or insight would really be appreciated, I feel so lost and cant see a way out of the feeling.

Thanks for your time anyway:)

[Teach28]

Just simply going by what you said I'd say she has some underlying issues with herself or the relationship in general.

 

I had my ex break up with me mainly because he had not found who he was and got to the point where he needed to figure himself out. Instead of being able to really admit that he used the name calling as an excuse.. We all say things we regret and I doubt name calling once in a long term relationship would cause that much damage that she would call it quits. I think it's an excuse for something else. I mean I can't know for sure and I'm sure others will give their take on it.

 

But seems a bit similar to my experience my ex- called it off because I demanded my stuff right away and called him a sissy and a p*ssy. Hell I could have said much worse. I feel your pain- I think my actions brought somethings to a head though and wonder if it was the cause-- it definitely didn't help the situation but I don't think your actions were the sole cause if things like that have not happened in the past.

 

Give her sometime see what develops. Good Luck!

[Spinderella]

The relationship was already fragile or she wouldnt have asked for space. Maybe she really does believe what she is saying, but, only because she was already unsure of her feelings. No you didnt push her away. That doesnt mean you cant though. So as Teach says, give her time. NC.

[lazy]

Hi, thank you for the replies,yes i cant help but think theres more to it than the words i said.I also understand why you would say give her space,but the problem is she says she wants to carry on talking all the time but only as friends,im not sure if to do this or not, on one hand i think maybe i should in the hope shes just mad with me and i can show im just myself or on the other hand just to go no contact and see what happens.Im worried if i go no contact i may miss my chance (false hope maybe) oh this love thing sure is confusing.any surgestions please?

[Spinderella]

Yes, if there is going to be a reconcilliation, it is less likely to happen if you try to be friends. No contact gives both people time to figure out their own emotions and feelings. Nearly everybody thinks that if they do NC they will miss their chance, when actually its the best way to increase your chances. Its the most common mistake.

It doesnt mean that NC guarantees you will get back together mind.

[lazy]

Ouch,No contact that sounds absolutely terrifying

[sedgwick]

She asked you for time and space. If you really love her, you will give it to her. You already showed disrespect by calling her names -- don't show her more by refusing to give what she asks. You should at least give her a little time (say 2 weeks, a month) of NC before you try to talk with her again. I know it's hard, but you have to show her that you are capable of giving her what she needs.

[lazy]

No she dosent want time and space now , i blow that already apparently.No its over but she says she just wants to carry on talkin every day with the only differance being we are no longer a couple.