wowIlose Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Quick background story: We met while in highschool, we were each others first, dated almost 4 years, lived together 1 year. I am now 21, shes 20. What lead to the major break up? To make a long story short my girlfriend broke up with me after what I realize now was periods of where I treated her as if she was always going to be there. I took her for granted. Eventualy she broke up with me. We had a few minor break ups in the past that I was able to patch up. This built a confidence in me that I had her for life. But please don't get me wrong, I wasn't keeping her on a string, the whole time I truly loved her and I knew she loved me. The day she broke up with me I broke down.. I realized I couldn't patch it up this time, I realized it was my fault and it was the small things that added up. She didn't break up with me because she liked someone else.. she broke up with me because she became unhappy. I tried everything immediately after the break up, pointing out my flaws, taking responsibility, almost pressuring her into trying again but I now realize that was a mistake. We continued to see each other and even have sex immediately after the break up, but no longer as girlfriend and boyfriend. Last week she came to my house and said she just wanted to be friends. This was another bullet, here I was trying to patch things up, and the last connection I had with her (physical) was now being taken away. I felt as long as we where physicaly together that it gave me a chance to work on the things that brought us to this point. I quickly at this point realized I could no longer be friends with her, not because I didn't care but because it hurt beyond belief to be on the side while the possibility of her finding someone new and me fading away from her life while I was still attached. I told her this when she through the idea out. I just want to make clear that I now realize I messed up beyond belief. I take full responsibility for being in this situation and respect her decision. I love her more than the air I breath. I told her this instantly after the break up. I layed everything out, I told her I would fix things. I did everthing but the one thing she wanted , which was space. She even told me that she thought we might get back together. But now after all this pressuring iam starting to wonder if I have driven her away. I suppose its to early to tell.. Its only been 5 days with NC. I almost broke down like 100 times and almost called her but kept strong so far. I haven't texted her, called her, sent an email.. I even kept from being online so she wouldn't see me online. The only thing she has access to is my facebook. Meanwhile I realize that I have to move on, it really pains me because I know this is my fault and if she could only give me one more chance I would never take her for granted again. I have already started going to the gym again, hanging out with friends... and even had a night out partying... Of which i have 60 pictures from(on facebook, which she has access to). I did have a good time during this party but inside i was misreable ( and still em).. I know I can't show her this weekness.. I have a lot of pictures with other girls in this album from the party.. One is even kissing me on the cheek.. (iam not kissing her tho).. I feel this is good because it shows iam moving on but iam scared she might take it to hard and think I am becoming a sleeze bag(which iam not) and not give me another chance. Either way iam moving on, its only like I said been 5 days NC.. she did text me once to a totally unrelated matter.. Her mom gives me rides to work and she was leaving earlier than usual, her mom has my number tho so its weird she was tellng me over a text.. either way Iam not taking this as anything yet.. I didn't text her back but instead called her mom directly to let her know I was ok with it. I love her so much, not just now because we are broken up. I have always loved her this much but at times I failed to show it and now I am here, heartbroken and it burns. I am moving on now.. but inside me I can't let her go completely. Its as if I know we will still get back together ... followed by a very empty feeling of the possibility shes had enough and this is it.. followed by me breaking into tears every time this thought enters my head.. wow iam a mess.. She knows how I feel now, she knows I am willing to put 110 percent in, should I have not put up pictures of me with other girls?? , I am doing NC, Iam making attempts to move on , what else can I do? I really want her back in my life...
BrianG Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I feel for you man because I am in the same exact boat as we speak. Man is it hard. I resist every urge in my body to staying in no contact. I have to see her this weekend to transfer the bills from our apartment and I am trying to prepare myself to handle it. This is may be what you want, but you have to respect and think about what she wants. I know its hard to hear because i have a difficult time swallowing it as well. Only thing i can think to say is dont focus on the future and take it one day at a time. I hate this cliche but if it was meant to be it will be. I know it sucks. stay strong, your alone I dont have all the answers to fixing the situation, but there is nothing you can do. Give her time and space and maybe she will want to try and works things out, maybe she wont. Hang in there! or at least try your best and thats all you can expect to do for yourself right now
Author wowIlose Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 Can someone tell me if I am on the right track? Any further advice? Thanks for responding
BrianG Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Can someone tell me if I am on the right track? Any further advice? Thanks for responding What do you mean right track? just work on yourself, there are no tracks
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