Krytie TV Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 This will likely be a bit disjointed. I do so try to avoid long posts. OK, yes, I had a mildly disturbing weekend (another post) and am OK about that now. Now I'm trying to understand my motivations for what I'm thinking. About 4 months ago I started doing a lot of dating after a break up. It was a little overwhleming for me, and I started to really get a rush out of it as the attention was new to me. In the process, I had met this girl that I really really liked. I was not as honest with her as I could have been on the situation, though at the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. I told her I needed time, when what I meant was I'm not done screwing other people yet. She told me to have a nice time and she ended it. Since that day, throughout all of the different experiences I've been having, I have run into her on two separate occasions- at the grocery store and out walking the dog. Every time I saw her, it made me remember how much I liked her. I have been thinking for a while about her and have wondered what it could have been like, but just put it out of my mind. I have been having the urge to get back into contact with her for a while, but decided that wouldn't be fair. Yes, I have just dealt with a relative large dose of rejection over the weekend and am a bit wounded at the moment. I know that the natural inclination when one gets wounded is to retreat to a safe place. This could be the "get back in touch with the ex" syndrome. I know it well. But I mentioned it here a while ago that the going out with many women for the sake of going out with women has been getting a bit old. I was told to be happy with myself and enjoy time by myself (solid advice, Star). I'm no longer wondering who I can have sex with next, though it was fun for a while. I'm wondering what the heck I should do. Is this one of those times that I just chalk it up for a loss and move on? My personal feeling is to wait a week or two until this recent event blows over and go from there. I just remember how great and comfortable I felt around her and how though that is what I've been looking for, she was the only one that had it. She wasn't my ideal physical type, but then that's not the most important thing to me anymore. I married a hottie and she became the ugliest person I've ever known. I don't know what the future would hold with her and I don't know that she would even talk to me again... this I understand. I just am ready for that "companion" feeling that I haven't had for almost 2 years. Is it wrong and narcissistic of me to get in touch with her again in a while? Is it OK for me to give a relationship with her a chance after the way it went down the first time? Do I need to just chill and let life happen for 6 months? I don't know if and/or when I would feel compelled to contact her, but I think it's worth looking at before I decide. Don't be afraid to let me have it. I'm not fragile. I want any honest thoughts and opinions that anyone can muster, but understand that I don't think I'm an angel.
spookie Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I think, like you said, you definitely need some time to pass after your rejection-filled weekend before you contact her. It's likely that your ego is just bruised, so you want to reach out to the comfortable and familiar. Is this the girl that you were giving mixed signals? The one you told you didn't have chemistry with, and then made out with because she reminded you of someone else? If I were her I'd be confused and pissed if you tried to get ahold me again after all the mindfking... but if I liked you enough I might listen to what you had to say. If you're sure now that you want to give her a chance, and you're not reaching out just for the validation, I think you have nothing to lose in contacting her.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 Is this the girl that you were giving mixed signals? The one you told you didn't have chemistry with, and then made out with because she reminded you of someone else? If I were her I'd be confused and pissed if you tried to get ahold me again after all the mindfking... but if I liked you enough I might listen to what you had to say. Lol, no. I got my act together with her and we are now working on the friend thing. I can say with much pride that I have not faltered since I last posted about wanting to kick my own ass after making out with her. Thanks for your insight.
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I think you should tell this girl everything you said here. Be honest and tell her you really like her, and you want to be friends, and hopefully something will blossom from it. The only problem I see is right now is, not enough time has gone by for her...She could still feel hurt by it ending and maybe isn't ready to open up herself to you again...
uniqueone Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 To me it sounds like she's the girl who got away....who didn't play the game...and that's what makes her more attractive. I've been that girl and it makes the guys who want to screw a bunch of women want to pursue me even more. My experience has been that it's the challenge to them and once I've started liking them, the thrill for them is gone. This is just the way it looks to me from what I'm reading.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 To me it sounds like she's the girl who got away....who didn't play the game...and that's what makes her more attractive. I've been that girl and it makes the guys who want to screw a bunch of women want to pursue me even more. My experience has been that it's the challenge to them and once I've started liking them, the thrill for them is gone. This is just the way it looks to me from what I'm reading. I am in no way a "thrill of the pursuit" kind of guy, but I can see where you'd get that. I guess your point, from a different angle... one that I tend to think about, is that it was the way she handled the situation and the resolve that she had that impressed me about her. I admire the character traits that she showed, in walking away like that. It's that kind of strong will that I find very attractive in a woman. So it has nothing to do with the chase, as it were, but yes, her reaction did endear me to her even more for different reasons.
Kamille Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I remember her! (Wait, was I Kamille back then? ). You were into her even back then. Contact her. What have you got to lose? I mean, it sounds like things ended rather amicably. Just wait until the effect of the rejections has worn off (we all go through weekends like that.) and make sure you are feeling confident. ps: I had put in the link to that previous thread, but then took it out. Just tell me if you want me to post it here.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 ps: I had put in the link to that previous thread, but then took it out. Just tell me if you want me to post it here. Yeah, Kamille... that would be nice of you. Thank you.
Kamille Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Here it is all! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t127904/ I guess the question is: was it just a question of worng timing - or is the fact that Krytie wasn't sure back then a sign he just isn't that into her, to borrow from a book's title. I vote for: timing. along with a quote from that whole thread: If is was "black and white" it would be easier. This isn't about telling someone I'm not into on an emotional level that I'm just "not ready" for the blah blah. The problem is that she is the single easiest woman to be around. Whatever wavelength I operate on, she's on the same one. Personality-wise, this is the person that I would strive to meet. The difficulty is that I just don't know if I can deny my downright boyish impulses to have fun while it may be my last opportunity. I just feel like I need to know what it's like. At the same time, this girl is GREAT! I don't know that I'm not ready for her. That's why it would be so hard to have this conversation because it's not a yes or no thing, it's simply an "I have no idea" thing.
sb129 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Would you be feeling this way if the weekend hadn't gone so badly?
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Would you be feeling this way if the weekend hadn't gone so badly? Wow! This is a fantastic question. Really should make you stop and think KTV.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 Would you be feeling this way if the weekend hadn't gone so badly? I already addressed this in my post. I have been thinking about her for a while, since before the weekend. And knowing that people tend to gravitate to something comfortable when they've been rejected, I completely acknowledge that now is not a good time to get in touch with her. I conceded that regardless of what I decide, it needs to be after this whole event of the last weekend has blown over so that I can decide with a clear mind.
sb129 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I already addressed this in my post. I have been thinking about her for a while, since before the weekend. And knowing that people tend to gravitate to something comfortable when they've been rejected, I completely acknowledge that now is not a good time to get in touch with her. I conceded that regardless of what I decide, it needs to be after this whole event of the last weekend has blown over so that I can decide with a clear mind. Yes you did, I apologise. I felt it was important to focus on though. However, I think the above post has answered your own question. Give yourself a week (or two) with no dates with anyone else, and see how you feel after that. You have nothing to lose by waiting.
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I vote for not contacting her. If you let her get away you weren't that into her to begin with, and if you get back together with her you will probably just end up unsatisfied and hurting her more. She only seems appealing to you now because you don't have her. Also what you said about her not being your "physical ideal" is a red flag. Don't minimize the importance of physical attraction. You may be attracted to her, but if you're not crazy about her...if you don't find her really beautiful, I doubt the relationship will work. That kind of attraction may not be sufficient, but it is necessary, imo. Frankly, I don't think you would be capable of being giving in a relationship at this point. You need attention and reassurance, but you wouldn't be able to give back. That's my hunch. Stay single for another while.
jcster Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 My personal feeling is to wait a week or two until this recent event blows over and go from there. I think that's absolutely right. You need to make sure you're acting, not reacting. Is it wrong and narcissistic of me to get in touch with her again in a while? Is it OK for me to give a relationship with her a chance after the way it went down the first time? Why no, I think it says a lot about your maturity. Hopefully she will think the same thing. I say go for it!
sb129 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Wow! This is a fantastic question. Really should make you stop and think KTV. WWIU are you being sarcastic because i blatantly missed him addressing it in the OP??? I can't be the only skim reader here... no offense KTV. I must have missed where you suggested you wait a few weeks because there I go trying to take credit for that idea too!
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 There are a few things I wanted to add, but my edit timed out. I think if you try a relationship with her you'll feel like you're settling on some level. Also, it's really dangerous to seek a relationship out when you're feeling vulnerable/insecure/needy. Those are the times when you're least able to give to another person or do the things necessary to make a relationship work. It sounds to me that it's more about you wanting the affirmation/sense of security a girlfriend provides and you're just looking for the most convenient girl to fill that roll.
Kamille Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 True story from real people I know: A friend of mine was once in the juggling women situation - and enjoyed it very much. At one point he was dating two girls - Lindsay and what's-her-name. He eventually broke things off with Lindsay because he wanted to take things further with what's her name. Of course, things didn't end up working out with what's-her-name. He found himself thinking about Lindsay and wondered if maybe he hadn't made a mistake in letting her go or whether it was just the effect of being alone and single talking. No matter, he got in touch with Lindsay and she agreed to meet him. They have now been together 4 years, just bought a house and are engaged. He is one of the man I know who's eyes gleam when he talks about his fiancé. He loves loves loves loves her. You have nothing to lose.
underpants Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Is this the girl that you chose to jump into the cornflake box?
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 WWIU are you being sarcastic because i blatantly missed him addressing it in the OP??? I can't be the only skim reader here... no offense KTV. I must have missed where you suggested you wait a few weeks because there I go trying to take credit for that idea too! God no! I was and am being completely serious! Unless I read your question wrong or what you were referring to? See, how I took it was, if that date hadn't cancelled on him and he didn't have such a rotten weekend, would he still be thinking of this other woman, wondering what could have been? Wondering if she was still interested in him.
Author Krytie TV Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 Is this the girl that you chose to jump into the cornflake box? I've been trying for several minutes to understand this reference without any luck. Can you elaborate?
Author Krytie TV Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 I vote for not contacting her. If you let her get away you weren't that into her to begin with, and if you get back together with her you will probably just end up unsatisfied and hurting her more. She only seems appealing to you now because you don't have her. On top of all else, this is my single biggest fear. I would hate to stir it back up only to find that I was wrong. There's much validity to this statement. Though I obviously can't predict the future, I feel like I don't truly know without trying.
melodymatters Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 If in real estate it's : location,location,location... ....in relationships, it's : timing,timing,timing !!!!!! ( that means I think you should GO for it K, timing is HUGE in a Relationship and maybe it wouldn't have worked then, because YOU were'nt ready, might be great now, OR she could have found somone new by now and your timing still sucks )
Star Gazer Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 On top of all else, this is my single biggest fear. I would hate to stir it back up only to find that I was wrong. There's much validity to this statement. Though I obviously can't predict the future, I feel like I don't truly know without trying. If you don't know how you feel about her, but know you hurt her in the past... don't contact her again. It's selfish.
johan Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Is this the girl that you chose to jump into the cornflake box? I was wondering the same thing. PS: Getting any action on the wax?
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