This is a complicated one! Wife left me but contact is still a must.

[nookzter]

Hi All, Thanks in advance.

 

My wife has decided she wanted to separate 2 weeks ago. She says she no longer in love with me and was never happy and asked that i move out. I do not believe she was never happy for a second ( her answer was that I did make her happy at time but the bad times countered it too often). This all happened after I screamed at her and that topped it. I have to admit I could have been better as a husband but I am young and still learning to improve (25yo) and I took her for granted. She is 31yo. She moved from overseas with no family here to be with me and we were married for about 4 years. We also have a 3.5 yo girl together.

 

We knew each other for 1 month before she fell pregnant and I arrange for her to move to my country. She agreed with the hopes and dreams I would take great care of her and love her. I failed. We were married months later. I was troublesome at first, especially during her preganancy (most of her pain she brings up is from this period of time) since i was only 21yo and selfish but over the years I matured. I could say I began to really fall in love with her around 23yo but I was still learning to show it the right way. I realise now how much I love her but failed to see the "little things" happening around us. I desperately want to change and reconcile.

 

I have tried the first week or so trying to ask her back and that I have made changes (I know this does more bad than good so Im beginning to back off but its hard since guys are fixers). I have changed for the better a little at a time but she refuses to see it. When I ask for a chance to reconcile she says "at the moment" there is no chance but who knows what months, years will bring. As much as the answer frustrates me I know its realistic also (who know it may be me who doesnt want her). She believes I am sincere in my apologies and wanting to change because she sees what this is doing to me. I think I have done this enough and am trying my best to stop/minimize contact but this is hard for the reasons below which I need advise on how to handle.

 

She recently started working and brought up enough courage to ask for a separation once she had a part time job I organized for her. I couldnt help but notice this after she had some sort of leg to stand on she was not willing to work it out - especially when we just got back from a month family holiday which seemed all well. When my mum talked to her and asked her why she would was willing to work things out before she replied she was stuck with me(no money, family, cannot drive around etc). I have noticed that it is only this past few days she has become SUPER bitter and finally letting out her deepest pain when confronted about our relationship. I just take it and avoid arguments partly because I agree).

Even though she asked for the separation, she has asked me if I could pick her up every night from the station to drop her home after work - only 2 mins away by car. She has also asked if I could drop by on weekends to help them in their weekly groceries. She usually also asks that I drive her to the nearest shopping centre after groceries. I stay because I like the time with her and my daughter but it makes it hard not to bring us up. She is only starting to arrange for her own licence. She wanted sooo much to rely on me for this when we were married but I let her down on this also doing what was convenient for me. Too late now I guess. I now feel obliged to help her since its for her safety, my daughter's care and the facts she left her life behind to be with me all those years ago.

 

Any suggestions on how I can win her back? Do you guys think I even have a chance? What should I do? Give her enough space? Stop trying to get her back? She has suggested if things were to happen she would need to feel in love with me again, which is not there at the moment and that it should happen naturally. I agree.

How do I cutoff/minimize contact with her if I still have some responsibility / want to assist in her wellbeing? I asked her once if she would still like me around sometimes and she mentioned she still wants to talk to me once in awhile - not too often though (not about us but just to conversate)

 

From the little I have mentioned, does anybody think there is hope for us to reconcile? What are your thoughts on my situation in general?

Please help!

[nookzter]

Another reason I feel oblidged to help is because my wife may succumb to the pressure of doing it alone and not having any family in my country. Her sister has already advised her to return to her citizenship country but she said she wants to prove it to herself she can do it. If she leaves, it will result in her trying to take my daughter overseas with no involvement with me whatsoever. This would kill me and I will do everything in my power to prevent this happening.

[Ladyjane14]

Another reason I feel oblidged to help is because my wife may succumb to the pressure of doing it alone and not having any family in my country. Her sister has already advised her to return to her citizenship country but she said she wants to prove it to herself she can do it. If she leaves, it will result in her trying to take my daughter overseas with no involvement with me whatsoever. This would kill me and I will do everything in my power to prevent this happening.

 

See an attorney and have your wife court-ordered not to leave the country with your child.

 

Look, you can play around with the idea of reconciliation all you want... and no matter how good of a job you do, you have no guarantees of success. Other people's emotions are simply beyond your control. But... the nuts and bolts of physical separation are not. So, if you don't want your WW (wayward wife) removing your child from the country... make that a priority and see that she doesn't.

 

As far as helping her out with arrangements to get back and forth to work... I usually wouldn't recommend to a guy that he help his spouse leave him. But in your case, there's a safety issue to be concerned with, so I think for at least the time being, until she can make other arrangements, it's probably for the best. It gives you an opportunity to prove that you're a reasonable guy, and takes the sting out of having your child's passport pulled.