DRDimeMami Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 We have been together for 8 months now and things in the beginning were good. In the middle some things happened that my mom doesn't want me with him anymore. Things about his past he didn't want to talk about because he was scared of how I would react or losing me or having me judge him. His mother passed away but he didn't tell me the real reason. He never had such a great relationship with his father (used to get hit), he stayed in a foster home for a few years, has been up and down, he had to help his dad and work so he didn't finish school, and now he's basically a grown man at the age of 20. I'm 19 and my mom doesn't want me to be with him because of all the things hes went thru. She thinks if we stay together I might suffer but he has been showing me that he has changed his ways and will continue to do so. He apologized to my mom for all he put us through but she still doesn't want to talk to him or let me see/go out with him. I really want to be with him but its like she won't let me make my own decision & find out 4 myself. He had rough times he didn't have a place to stay and he had quit his job for being hardheaded and unexperienced. I couldn't let him stay with me b/c I do live with my parents and I'm the youngest and they protect me alot. What he put us through was us worrying about where he was staying without no money. He stayed in his car for about a wk, etc. After all this has happend 2 months ago, he got his job again thank god, he has a place to stay at until he can move out on his own, hes trying to change his ways being responsible, he wants to go to school and finish up and go to college, and trying to make things work with his family that weren't there at times when he needed them. I do understand my moms point of view but I want to be able to make my own decisions as well as keeping her advice in mind. The first sign that things are going wrong, I will leave him. But right now he is showing that he is trying his best to make things work. I know she wants whats best for me. He's my first real boyfriend and she married my father and he was her first. I know she wants me to meet other guys and doesn't want me to go thru what she has gone thru with my father. I know not everyone's relationship is always the same but I just want to find out for myself and she won't let me. She also doesn't want me to do some of the same mistakes my sister has made in her past and I'm not planning to. He's showing me that hes changing but she won't even give him a chance either on letting him prove to her that hes gotten better. My mom had a verbal fight that was almost physical with my sis's b/f that I got into defend my mother from my sis's b/f cuz he was defending my sister. After that, my mom spoke to him and later on things were worked out and they are still together they live on their own and are 25 now. They were about 22 when that happened. I just want her to give my b/f a chance just like how she did with my sis. What happened with my b/f could have been worse but it was a mistake & hes learned and is still learning. What can I do? In the beginning they were getting to know each other and getting along. My mother is strict hispanic mother. We're both from the same country. I'm light skinned but he's a little darker than me. He has curly hair and so do I and my mother thinks that he's not that cute. But they were getting along before. Once all this drama happened, she made up her mind that she doesnt want me with him. I know she wants whats good for me. When I've seen him outside of my house she tells me I have 2 mins, she won't let me out with him, and hates that I'm usually talking to him on the phone. I have snuck around to see him and she has found out but if she wasn't the way she was acting and would let me see him then I wouldn't do that. Last week he stopped by to see me outside and he brought me flowers. He's treated me good even tho we both have our little tempers and stupid fights we get over them. Ive tried talking to her but it still doesn't change anything. I want to be with him and try it out and make things work. I want to be more independent from her. I don't know what to do!
Saxis Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I know she wants me to meet other guys and doesn't want me to go thru what she has gone thru with my father. I know not everyone's relationship is always the same but I just want to find out for myself and she won't let me. Hold that thought right there.... She has actually said this to you?? If she were happy in her marriage she would never bring this up. Every marriage has their problems. Or is she happy NOW, that the problems are over? Does she really think that without the experience of working through those problems that she'd really know how to deal with "other guys"? Does your mom wish she'd tried "other guys", or does she think everything will be perfect if you try "other guys"? No relationship is perfect... They all take work, and you learn as you go. This guy sounds like he's been through some pretty rough patches, but it also sounds like he is not giving up. There is definitely some respect to be given for that. I'd say as long as he is still pushing forward with his life, and you support and love him, and he does the same in return, nothing should stop you from continuing this relationship. Not even your controlling parents!
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