hurtonceagain Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I used to see in color, see the best in people, everyday even if it was a bad one, I would see the best in things. I hate that I trust no one anymore, I am broken, hurt, angry, the deep feeling of betrayal is so painful, I have no idea how to cope anymore. All I see is the worst in people, situations and things. I lost the beautiful person I was and this definitely is not better because if the A. I am not happy deep down like I was just a year ago. We have an anniversary coming and I am dreading it. DO we even celebrate anymore? He broke his fricken vows and I am supposed to do what?!?... I really feel alone in all of this. FWH is trying but I am not there. I am so broken, no counselling or good book can fix what is broken inside of me. I hate me. Anyone else?...
dbtmarley Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I've been where you are. I was betrayed and given a gift that will never go away. I was angry and became a very negative person ( positive at the same time lol). It sucks I know... I am sorry I am not familiar with your details but I have felt your pain caused by a wayward spouse. All I can say is fix you. Work on you and put you first. Do nice things for yourself and if this man(husband) of yours will not straighten out his act and you cannot forgive him, then try and move on. Once again I apologize for not knowing your details... Not sure if your situation is one that you want to fix or give up on. Me personally, I cannot be with a cheater, liar, and an ass. I just saw your post and wanted to respond because of the pain I felt you were going through. Put you first, get back out there because there is a whole lot of living to do! Thomas
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I think those days are normal, but are you feeling like this every day? You are speaking in very "all-or-nothing" terms. If you are feeling like this every day and can't function and truly do hate yourself, I would strongly recommend calling a crisis line. I'm worried about the language of your post. Remember, people don't kill themselves because they don't want to live - they do it because they don't want to feel the pain anymore. And all pain is temporary. I am going through the same thing, so I know how painful it is. But this is how you are going to heal. Walking through the pain and facing it is the best, most heathiest thing you can do. And it WILL get better. I know it will. I hope you do try counselling and you are NOT alone. Lesser people have gotten through this and you will too.
cj1988 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 As you can see WE all feel and share the same pain. It is like a dark cloud above you head that hides the sunlight. But, as you see we are all still making it through the day. I go to sleep with my pain and wake up with all over again, BUT I am getting better everyday. I can see the light through my cloud more and more and it feels good. You are a special person and GOD takes care of us all. Just remember now, you are number one and take care of you. That is what I am doing now and the pieces are falling into place. I will soon know where I belong and will take the necessary steps to make it happen. I love myself UNCONDITIONALLY, say that to yourself ALL day, you will see a difference before you know it. Not a big one, but it is a baby step in the right direction !
sarme Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I will never EVER understand why people choose to live a life of pain like this. Of course you had no choice in the betrayal but you definitely have a choice now. Every day life starts over. Why are you suffering next to someone that has slapped you in the face the way they did and the mere action of seeing them everyday is a way to keep the wound open? Death is tremendously hard to cope with and unforgiving and yet we must learn to go on without our loved ones after death. Betrayal should be looked at in the same way. It's not fair but it is life because people are not perfect and we cannot hold other's actions accountable since everyone is their own will. I know it's not fair what was done to you but you have to take your life in your own hands and accept your reality. If you have tried to forgive your partner and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel why in the world don't you move on? I'm sorry but it does not sound like you can take care of yourself while by the side of this man, so do it on your own and away from him. Nothing needs to be decided now, but if you need your space to rethink your wellbeing and what might constitute that, then do it. Be alone to take care of yourself.
Faith4u Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Sorry about your pain. I do not know the details of your life. If you love your H give him another chance but let him know how you feel so if what he is doing keeps on going you have given him all you can and he has to know it is his last chance. Start taking care of yourself only and eventually you will attract the people that you need in your life. If you stay the way you are, you will only feed into yourself things and people at the same level of your perception. Hope you understand what I mean... He did wrong and is wrong, it is your choice to live with it or to let him go. This, you only know. Good luck and stay strong. What makes life interesting is its experiences and the unkown, you direct it the road that you want and discover! I used to see in color, see the best in people, everyday even if it was a bad one, I would see the best in things. I hate that I trust no one anymore, I am broken, hurt, angry, the deep feeling of betrayal is so painful, I have no idea how to cope anymore. All I see is the worst in people, situations and things. I lost the beautiful person I was and this definitely is not better because if the A. I am not happy deep down like I was just a year ago. We have an anniversary coming and I am dreading it. DO we even celebrate anymore? He broke his fricken vows and I am supposed to do what?!?... I really feel alone in all of this. FWH is trying but I am not there. I am so broken, no counselling or good book can fix what is broken inside of me. I hate me. Anyone else?...
get.mos Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 hurtonceagain - funny how your avatar has a heart in it; so does mine. and, like you, i've experienced something very similar. i, too, have noticed how my behavior has changed, and not for the better. i am not happy with my personality with my mate, and i've even told him this. in my situation, we have a difference in opinion in terms of where our relationship will go, if at all. what i don't like about my behavior is that i acknowledge the outstanding efforts my mate has done to rebuild the trust in our relationship, and it seems like nothing is good enough. and that's not fair to him. i have told him this. i wish i could give you an answer, dahling. but i when read your title, i was hoping to find one myself. i see a counselor too. but i'm not sure i will find an answer to the question of this thread that will make me and my mate happy. just know that you are not alone.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 He broke his fricken vows and I am supposed to do what?!?... Well, what you're supposed to do is decide between one of two choices: 1). Forgive him and stay. 2). Blame him and leave. Either one could be right for you and what he owes you at this point is unpressured time to make up your mind. Hope it works out for you... Mr. Lucky
Wibble Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 It is very easy for those who have either a.) left their partner due to adultery, or b.) been able to forgive their partner for their transgression, to glibly point out that there are only 2 choices. Make up your mind, move on. In the middle of these two poles lies the muddy, no-mans land of hurt and anger that you find yourself in. You have been SO hurt by the betrayal you have suffered that it has shifted your entire view, not just of your partner, but people in general. Your partner has realised (TOO LATE!) the pain they have caused and is desperately trying to make ammends. What they will not realise, or accept, is that their actions have changed the rules of your relationship so profoundly that conventional expressions of regret will not bridge the yawning chasm they have created in your relationship. The betrayal and deception, the total lack of respect, the contempt with which you have been treated will take a long time to forget, if ever. Until then it is entirely understandable that the world is grey and unappealing. Just beware, however, that you are now very emotionally vulnerable. It is a phase that will pass, so don't go doing anything daft to make things worse. How do I know all this? I am there too.
Dazed1 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Only that I spent three years and more where you are, and i know what it is to not only feel betrayed, but as if the entire world has conspired to make you miserable. Trust noone right? The options you have all seem unacceptable to you at this point, and fear that you will always be this bitter and broken. I'm truly sorry that you are there... it stinks, but it is what it is. Natural. Hurt, someone else already said to take care of and work on yourself. That is so entirely true. Another thing you can do is to make yourself look for the little things that bring you peace and even a little joy. Not from your husband, but from your life. You were happy a short time ago, and i know that that happiness could not have sprung entirely from your husband. Look for the other things and revel in them. Aspire to return to the person you were and allow yourself to experience. I made the mistake of suspiciously guarding and hoarding my hurt and mistrust and put it into every facet of my life. It could have killed me. Always know that only your husband hurt you, do not transfer it to others, or you will find find yourself even deeper in loneliness and hurt... it's a vicious circle. Oky, no more lectures.... just be... and make the efforts it takes to be happy. Nobody can MAKE you happy, you can do it for yourself. -Dazed
Mr. Lucky Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 It is very easy for those who have either a.) left their partner due to adultery, or b.) been able to forgive their partner for their transgression, to glibly point out that there are only 2 choices. Make up your mind, move on. While I'll admit that my reply was brief (it was late when I posted it), it certainly was not meant to be glib. What I meant was that one way out of the hurt, wounded, powerless feeling of betrayal is to understand that circumstances have empowered you to make a decision. While what has transpired to this point has largely been up to your WS, what happens from here (at least as far as your role) can be up to you. Coming to that realization is one of many steps towards dealing with an affair... Mr. Lucky
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