tanbark813 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Well then, I'm a f**king lunatic, because if a guy made me sleep on the couch, my interest level would plummet FAST. He didn't "make" her and you wouldn't opt for the couch anyway.
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Are you suggesting that I should have offered her the bed while I slept on the couch? I hope that is not what you are suggesting. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. That is EXACTLY what ALL the women here are suggesting, and Krytie too!
Krytie TV Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Are you suggesting that I should have offered her the bed while I slept on the couch? I hope that is not what you are suggesting. I've done that many times. You have a problem imagining that? Hmm... interesting. Why would that be so horrible, because you would then be inconvenienced? Does chivalry only work when it doesn't affect you?
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 He didn't "make" her and you wouldn't opt for the couch anyway. I wouldn't opt for the couch, because I have almost always been offered the bed - with or without him in it. But where I have only been offered the couch, I've called myself a cab.
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I've done that many times. You have a problem imagining that? Hmm... interesting. Why would that be so horrible, because you would then be inconvenienced? Does chivalry only work when it doesn't affect you? EXACTLY. A true gentleman inconveniences himself for the comfort of his female companion. He takes off his coat and wraps her in it to keep her warm, he walks her to the door in the rain, and he offers her his bed while sleeping on the couch.
Author peace_pipe Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. That is EXACTLY what ALL the women here are suggesting, and Krytie too! I think I just threw up in my mouth. This is not chivalry, this is callousness. I should just have my spine removed now and hand it to her. She had no plans to spend the night and I'll be darned if I am sleeping on the couch while she gets my bed. It would be a cold day in hell when a woman would do that for me. Wouldn't that be the same as me getting pissed at my friend for offering me the couch last time I was too drunk? It's never good enough eh? If she didn't want to spend the night .... GO HOME. If you recall, this girl and I are "friends". Last time my drunk buddy stayed the night he slept half on the couch and 1/2 on the floor? Why? I don't offer my bed to friends.
Star Gazer Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I think I just threw up in my mouth. This is not chivalry, this is callousness. I should just have my spine removed now and hand it to her. She had no plans to spend the night and I'll be darned if I am sleeping on the couch while she gets my bed. It would be a cold day in hell when a woman would do that for me. If she didn't want to spend the night .... GO HOME. If you recall, this girl and I are "friends". Last time my drunk buddy stayed the night he slept half on the couch and 1/2 on the floor? Why? I don't offer my bed to friends. You were NOT "friends" when she was at your place. But even if you were, a true gentleman would ALWAYS at least offer his bed for her to sleep in ALONE. I think you'll find yourself very, very lonely for a very long time to come if you maintain this attitude.
Kerewin Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 peace-pipe, on the bed thing, I still think you should have offered her the bed-solo. NOT for chivalry, if that's not your thing, but because it would've sent a message. You say you offered her the couch like any other friend. You know what? Offering her the bed would've be a clear sign that you were thinking of her being maybe more of a friend. It would've served YOUR self-interest in moving things along, if that's what you want. I have lots of guy friends, but I only do the "girl stuff" for the guy I want more from (cooking dinner for him, what have you). I don't do it because I think a woman's SUPPOSED to it, but because it serves my self-interest in communicating my intentions.
jcster Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 So if a guy offers you the couch he is trying to get some? Couch is for drunk friends who can't drive. Bed is for drunken females to get laid. That's been my experience darn near 100% of the time. And yes, I have offered the bed to a guy and offered to take the couch...didn't work out that way (ahem) but I did make the offer.
Author peace_pipe Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 I think you'll find yourself very, very lonely for a very long time to come if you maintain this attitude. Trust me SG, lonliness is much better than dealing with most women. I am more than prepared to live my life alone if it means not compromising my pricipals. You were NOT "friends" when she was at your place. But even if you were, a true gentleman would ALWAYS at least offer his bed for her to sleep in ALONE. I offered her the couch and my bed. It's never enough, is it? I hope you don't mind, but I rephrased your quote with something that sounds more fitting. a true spine-less man would ALWAYS at least offer his bed for her to sleep in ALONE.
Krytie TV Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I think I just threw up in my mouth. This is not chivalry, this is callousness. I should just have my spine removed now and hand it to her. And here we have our answer. The true problem has nothing to do with the actual events of the evening. The problem is she probably woke up and realize that this is the person she was spending her time with and bailed.
lindya Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 If you recall, this girl and I are "friends". Last time my drunk buddy stayed the night he slept half on the couch and 1/2 on the floor? Why? I don't offer my bed to friends. I've stayed at platonic guys flats occasionally, and they've absolutely insisted that I sleep in the bed....changing the sheets and everything. Naturally I wouldn't want to deprive anyone of their bed, but my usual experience of guys is that there's no talking them out of their chivalry in these situations. It's that gentlemanly instinct that some men just extend to all women, regardless of whether they're involved with them or not....and it is one of the very appealing aspects of men, to be honest. I wouldn't be offended if a guy didn't offer me the bed, but I guess I'd see him as a bit studenty and "right on - you want equality, you sleep on the couch, sister" in his outlook.
Kamille Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Wouldn't that be the same as me getting pissed at my friend for offering me the couch last time I was too drunk? It's never good enough eh? No it's not the same but I think this statement proves camp chilvalry's point (Kerewin, Krytie, SG and me). Basically, by leaving her no option but bed with you or couch, you were suggesting that all you were interested in was a FWB arrangement. At least, that's how I would have felt had I been the girl put in this position. She had no way of knowing ahead of time that you would not put the moves on her once in bed, nor anyway of knowing that she could resist them. She decided it was better for her not to choose bed with you. Therefore, she was left with the couch or taking herself home. And being chivalrous is, for me, the opposite of being spineless. Don't confuse chivalry with insecurity. It's all about attitude. A confident guy, generally, does not worry about being mistaken to be spineless. He offers the bed, says I'll tuck you in and is easy-going about the whole thing.
Author peace_pipe Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 And here we have our answer. The true problem has nothing to do with the actual events of the evening. The problem is she probably woke up and realize that this is the person she was spending her time with and bailed. Whatever, man. It's really not the big deal you guys are making it out to be. You know what I would call rude? Asking that someone give you their bed in their own house. Now that's rude.
Author peace_pipe Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 And here we have our answer. The true problem has nothing to do with the actual events of the evening. The problem is she probably woke up and realize that this is the person she was spending her time with and bailed. OMG - And what person is that? The terrible person that offered her a bed and a couch to sleep on? If she flaked because of that, then it wouldn't have lasted long with me or any guy.
Krytie TV Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 And ultimately that may be the answer to the original post. Just because you two aren't compatible.
Kerewin Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 hey peace_pipe, I don't want you to feel picked on so please 1. Read my last post (before this one), see if it makes any sense to you and 2. Remember she doesn't know you that well. So she's going to make a big deal out of what information she DOES have about you, whether or not that's fair. And you know what? We ALL do that; if we made sure to give every person the benefit of the doubt all the time and made sure we knew EXACTLY what they were about before we decided how much of a chance to give them, we wouldn't have time for anything else. It's not fair that we "shorthand" people so much, but it IS reality.
Krytie TV Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 And peace pipe, though you may not agree with everyone here, understand that you're preferences and choices are not the only ones. And just as you choose to never let someone "take" your bed from you, there are some who would never stand for not having it offered... or anything else for that matter. You come on here and ask WTF about why this girl did what she did. Maybe these opinions of yours are very readable and maybe she just realized (after the alcohol wore off if there was any) that she didn't want someone with your views or that feels the way you do about chivalry. But don't make the responders out to be jerks for stating these things. Instead, accept them as possibilities and realities rather than direct attacks against you.
Author peace_pipe Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 And peace pipe, though you may not agree with everyone here, understand that you're preferences and choices are not the only ones. And just as you choose to never let someone "take" your bed from you, there are some who would never stand for not having it offered... or anything else for that matter. You come on here and ask WTF about why this girl did what she did. Maybe these opinions of yours are very readable and maybe she just realized (after the alcohol wore off if there was any) that she didn't want someone with your views or that feels the way you do about chivalry. But don't make the responders out to be jerks for stating these things. Instead, accept them as possibilities and realities rather than direct attacks against you. Nah, man...it's cool. The whole bed thing is mute anyway. Believe me, if it is one thing I am sure of, the "bed" thing did not come into play in her mind at all, at least not in the way we are talking about. Sometimes you just know these things.
Pentula77 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I just can't bring myself to hang with a girl who claims making out with me is a MISTAKE. So I told her to go away.... I just find the whole thing very peculiar. Her body languages says one thing and her mouth speaks another... Peace_Pipe your answer lies here...always pay attention to the actions not the words...
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