kelly james Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I think I have come on here to look for I dont know help or advice. I am 36 years old and have two wonderful children aged 3 and 8. I m so deep in this hole I cant see any light just now. My wife and I split only 3 weeks ago because of something that happened which Im not wanting to talk about in depth but I have problems which go back a lot of years. I was always on the internet chatting on messenger texting woman I didn't really know. I had an affair about 7 years ago which I thought we got over but you just dont. I always felt I had to be flirting with other woman using whatever means. My guilt and anger took over me and I used to take it out on my wife and children (please do not think I am violent, Im not. I have never hit my wife or children) always came out with moods bad tempered breaking things etc. Sunday 30th September my wife told me to go. For a split second I felt the only way was to take my own life and so reached for the paracetemol. I took 10 when my wife stopped me. For that second or minute the very thought of life without being around my wife and children was not worth it. She rang my mother and step father who came and took me away to their house where they have been very very supportive. I have been seeeing the children often. Her family never want her to go back. She is under enormous pressure. She wants to stay in our house for the time being because her new job is here and the children are settled in schools and have great friends. After a few days after that Sunday I began to go around to the house to chat to my wife and see the kids but she says its too soon for us to be in each others company whuch at first I found very upsetting but I see the reasons. The children are out of their routine and are wondering and asking why daddy is not around anymore. This is all too much. She says we will never be back together as husband and wife and although Divorce is not on anyones lips all I can think is that it will come eventually. The very thought of my wife falling for someonelse makes me sick and depressed. This is very sellfish of me I know., My wife is entitled to happiness. So what do I do? I;m struggling in my job , Im an IT contractor, I feel there is no hope. Currently I am seeing a Clinical Physicologist to try and get to the bottom of my problems. I want to be that man my wife fell in love with not maybe for us to get back together, I can t see that ever happening, but also for my children to look up to. Its very hard for me to see any solution at the moment. My mother says I should be more positive, try to agree to all my wife says, never disagree. Ring the children every night and let my wife want to speak to me if she wants. Never play the emotional game. Never argue. Give her time and space. Etc etc. I still feel there is an easy way out of this but the other side of my brain says FIGHT. I first met my wife nearly 20 years ago. We married in 1995. It just seems so much to throw away. I have told my wife that even if there was a chance of getting back together I couldn't because I simply have too many important issues to sort out. Personal issues. I suppose then I have come on here to seek any advice or encouragemet. I 'm not sure. I cry all the time even when writing this. All of the bad things I have done in my life. All of the love I wished I showed to my wife..and my children.....
Msblueyes Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 You need professional help! Your affairs/flirting seem from reading your post to be the catalyst. If you get help, maybe being seperated is the answer for now. I don't have much sympathy as cheating & flirting are what's wrecking most relationships, I don't believe it's just the men doing it, but you are textbook.
Fancee Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Let her go. She has every right to the pursuit of happiness. You know you are not going to do right. You had a whole 20 yrs. But if you really thinking about changing then you need to listen to your mother. If you want to rush things then you have to be some rich man and buy more new cars and bigger houses ect. But I have actually been in a brand new house with a large brand new pool and fully furnished and his wife stayed 2 day and still left. Your moms advice is the only and best you can do right now. Of course last but not least- you can go to God in prayer. One thing for sure we all pray but we never know who prayers he will answer.
blon_dee Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Sorry for your pain.But being right in the middle of the "other end of it" for the second time in four years, i can feel no sympathy towards you. You really do need professional help, and like the others have said, you have to just let her go.
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