Brownie0915 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Me and my ex of 1 year called it quits about a month ago. She has already gotten another boyfriend and it kills me inside when I think about it. We still talk about every day or couple of days though. I'm not sure if i'm still in love with her or if its all in my head because i'm so used to being with her. I lay up at night sometimes and think about her and it drives me crazy, because I know it's over. She already has another boyfriend but she thinks it's immature of me if I delete her as my friend on myspace and facebook, and tell her I can't be friends with her. All I want to do is get her out of my head all the time, because theres no point of thinking about someone who has already moved on. But I do respect her as a person because we did have had our differences in the relationship and she believes we dont work together but she says she does love me. So how do I move on and what is the best way to stop thinking about her?
Spinderella Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 She wants you around while she gets on with her life, thats why she says its immature. Dont worry about what she thinks, do what you know is best for you to heal from this. Its rare for somebody to get over an ex while they are still in contact.
niceguy27 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 get yourself into some new routines. keeping yourself busy will help you clear your head a little and give you some time to mull things over
Author Brownie0915 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 Well I don't talk to her that much really anymore, and since I deleted her as my friends on myspace and facebook, I dont think about her as much. Should I just deny her calls or texts if she trys to contact me? or does anyone have any other advice about my situation?
tanbark813 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 1. No more contact with her (at least for a lengthy period of time until you're over her). 2. Buy the movie Swingers. 3. Watch Swingers 100 times, preferably with your booze of choice.
oppath Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 1. No more contact with her (at least for a lengthy period of time until you're over her). 2. Buy the movie Swingers. 3. Watch Swingers 100 times, preferably with your booze of choice. Agreed. The movie has layers. It was written that way . You are not immature for wanting no contact. I'm 27. My friends are either 24 or younger, or over 30. I'm mostly friends with females at the moment because all my guy friends moved away. I've talked about "friends with the ex" with my friends. The ones who are older have learned that you need TIME and S-P-A-C-E before talking to an ex again. They have learned that you can't be friends right away. They've either been through it themselves, or they realize they were selfish in trying to be someone's friend who they hurt. The younger people, they think "it's immature. There's no reason we can't be friends." Yes, there is. You can't be friends with someone you love and want a relationship with who doesn't feel the same about you. And you can't be friends unless you can look at the person dispassionately. Even for an amicable breakup, a no contact period of 2-3 months is HEALTHY and MATURE. Deleting your ex from your friends lists is NOT immature. It is mature. You are saying "I can't be your friend right now. It will hurt me to see your photo everyday and to know what is going on in your social and dating life. Therefore, I want to shield myself from those things until I don't care, and I can look at you dispassionately, as a true friend. It will be several months before I could do that. Therefore, I need that space because it will MAXIMIZE the chance of us eventually being friends." Sadly, if she hasn't gotten her heart broken and been through it herself, she is probably oblivious to you needing space.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Well I don't talk to her that much really anymore, and since I deleted her as my friends on myspace and facebook, I dont think about her as much. Should I just deny her calls or texts if she trys to contact me? or does anyone have any other advice about my situation? Do everything in your power to avoid this girl. Until you fully get over the relationship, you shouldn't have any contact with her. You can only be friends ONCE you want something purely platonic with her. Until then, stay away from her (no matter how ardently she pursues a friendship with you).
ninjaturtles Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I am going thru a breakup and i had the same dilemma. At 1st i thought it would be 'childish' to delete him from facebook,but its not..not at all. You need to move on, you dont need to see her new pics, see pics of her having fun etc. It will only draw you back. I thot i cud deal with having him as my friend on facebook, till i saw his recent pics and tears came down my eyes..i hadnt seen him since we split and the memories just came back. I was so upset. So iv deleted him now and trying to move on. pLS DONT CONTACT her..if she does not want to be with you, then u need to get over her.
niceguy27 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I watched my ex go from changing her status from in a relationship to single about 2 weeks after we broke up. that killed me. since then i see pics of her going out and doing whatever. i finally deleted her from my friends list. small step, but take them as you see fit. all our stuff is already packed away. all small steps but they add up and help out in the long run.
Author Brownie0915 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Yesterday she left me a message saying she needed her heels back (which I had no idea I had) so i brought them back to her and got my shirts back. We talked for about 5 good minutes and it was kind of akward. She says she understood that we can't be friends right now. So i gave her a hug and told her to take care of herself. She responded "You act like i'm never gonna see you again." But the truth is that i'm probably not going to be seeing her anytime soon, especially that she has a new bf that she has fallin for already. But I have my good days and my bad days. I go to college at a school that has strict rules about girls in the dorms and partying, so I have alot of down time in my room that lets my mind just wander. But I went from thinking about her all the time to just a few times through out the day, and i'm starting to feel better about all of this. I've never been through anything like this, but I guess it just takes time and not talking to her or seeing her will eventually make me forget about her. All this advice has helped out alot and I just wanted to thank everyone on this site for it. If anyone has anything else they would like to add that would be great!
Ocean-Blue Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Yesterday she left me a message saying she needed her heels back (which I had no idea I had) so i brought them back to her and got my shirts back. We talked for about 5 good minutes and it was kind of akward. She says she understood that we can't be friends right now. So i gave her a hug and told her to take care of herself. She responded "You act like i'm never gonna see you again." But the truth is that i'm probably not going to be seeing her anytime soon, especially that she has a new bf that she has fallin for already. But I have my good days and my bad days. I go to college at a school that has strict rules about girls in the dorms and partying, so I have alot of down time in my room that lets my mind just wander. But I went from thinking about her all the time to just a few times through out the day, and i'm starting to feel better about all of this. I've never been through anything like this, but I guess it just takes time and not talking to her or seeing her will eventually make me forget about her. All this advice has helped out alot and I just wanted to thank everyone on this site for it. If anyone has anything else they would like to add that would be great! Having known MANY people who've gone through a break up, I can tell you, time does make it better. Sounds like you're already moving on a bit. Stick to it. My ex had a very hard time dealing with the fact that I moved on...and he and I no longer speak...but he's also moved on. He is very happy where he is (and with his new soon-to-be fiance too). So you see, in time, this girl will be nothing but a thing of the past.
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