Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 You can't forsee what life would be like with someone when you hardly know them. Lets be honest- you were never really this guys proper GF, so you don't really know him. He may not be R material right now, but to jump to all sorts of conclusions about his potential as a H and a father is ridiculous. If you do this too soon with every guy you meet you will end up constantly disappointed, as nobody is perfect, and most guys your age still have quite a bit of maturing to do anyway. LOTS of people behave badly when they are drunk- he didn't get angry for no reason either. The other night I had had a few too many wines and screamed like a fishwife out the window at some strange guy who woke me up by sitting right outside my window talking really loudly at 3am. Wonderboy and I had had a stupid argument earlier that night because I was being drunk and irrational. He isn't suddenly re-considering his position as my BF... he knows that its rare behaviour from me, and I hardly ever even get drunk. I think you have too many expectations, AND you over-analyse things, and you are far too desperate for a boyfriend (at any cost to you). Harsh I know, but you have so much time, I wish youwould just enjoy yourself and not focus so much on this, it will make you neurotic. I understand SB. I need to chill out, he was just a rough patch that I'm finally getting over, it just took much longer than I expected.
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Chill chick... I know that this might be rude..but... which (jerky) guy is this again? (It's just that there are so many that I can't keep track of them). Hey JC. He's that baseball player guy that first brought me to this site in the first place. I had a different name at the time so my very first posts aren't on here anymore, but I did post one awhile ago "he's back..again" which is about him. I really got overattached with him which wasn't healthy to begin with, and I'm now realizing that is was SUCH a waste of time because of the way he really treats me. He's confusing, jealous, and only wants things his way, well too bad for him, I don't know where he gets his attitude, or even still talks to me for that matter.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I understand SB. I need to chill out, he was just a rough patch that I'm finally getting over, it just took much longer than I expected. Actually CC, I think you did really well with this guy! You gave him a shot, he proved himself to be a total d-bag... and your not going to give him another chance... thats pretty much what you should be doing! I have to admit that I cannot keep track of all the guys in your life. I think maybe you have a similar issue. Ever get a call and schedule a date.... then get to the date and find out it wasnt the guy you were thinking of? I used to have this problem with girls, so I suggest creating an alphanumeric system, to categorize your men! For example, then you could post about Mr. A-113, and we would all know exactly who your referencing!
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Actually CC, I think you did really well with this guy! You gave him a shot, he proved himself to be a total d-bag... and your not going to give him another chance... thats pretty much what you should be doing! I have to admit that I cannot keep track of all the guys in your life. I think maybe you have a similar issue. Ever get a call and schedule a date.... then get to the date and find out it wasnt the guy you were thinking of? I used to have this problem with girls, so I suggest creating an alphanumeric system, to categorize your men! For example, then you could post about Mr. A-113, and we would all know exactly who your referencing! Thanks Cobra, and ya know..it felt SO good to say goodbye and NOT look back at him when he dropped me off at the airport, last time when we said goodbye I was sobbing a big mess. So I left him this time with my head held high and for once I felt power within myself knowing I can do so much better. Sometimes, like writing this post, I get setbacks or something good reminds me of him, but then I think of what it was really like and I quickly think of something else besides him. And it's also taken another guy, a nice guy, to help me realize that I do deserve better and I can get respect and the attention I need in a healthy manner. I'm still seeing that "nice guy" and it's going well, we're both teaching each other how to treat one another and it's helped me a great deal in my own self-respect. I'm more willing to stand up for myself, and not be scared that the guy is going to run away if I do. You're right lol, I do (did) have too many guys to keep track of myself, but I've gotten rid of the bad seeds, the baseball player, the 3some guy, & the hot model. I've been focusing more on myself even with the nice guy and that is a relief in itself, and it looks like it's turning out for the better.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 You're right lol, I do (did) have too many guys to keep track of myself, but I've gotten rid of the bad seeds, the baseball player, the 3some guy, & the hot model. I've been focusing more on myself even with the nice guy and that is a relief in itself, and it looks like it's turning out for the better. Well, Im glad the 'good guy' is living up to his name! However, if that is the case... why persue the baseball player also? Hmmm.... tell you what. If you have an oversized fur coat, I can mail you a ruby handled cane and a large lampshade style pimp hat! Someone else can donate a rayon/polyester plaid liesure suite! If you dress appropriate guys will know in advance who they are dealing with! They better step back and recognize!
uniqueone Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Ok CC....here's a lil' suggestion....time to change your avatar. Time so show people that you're not some Barbie airhead and that you're a smart woman, sister!
oppath Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Is this the "nice guy" who only sees you once every two weeks? And who will go a week without contacting you? I thought you were done with him, too. Be careful not to behave in old patterns and not to accept less than what you want.
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Is this the "nice guy" who only sees you once every two weeks? And who will go a week without contacting you? I thought you were done with him, too. Be careful not to behave in old patterns and not to accept less than what you want. yah same guy, BUT we've been going out more often, we communicate about everyday, and he treats me right, like a lady, I can tell a change since I first met him and I can tell it's for the better, and I believe it's because he knows other guys are interested but I tell him what I expect out of things, and I make sure I get respect from him, and since I've shown that, he's been even better at seeing me as a whole person. so we'll see how it goes.
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Well, Im glad the 'good guy' is living up to his name! However, if that is the case... why persue the baseball player also? Hmmm.... tell you what. If you have an oversized fur coat, I can mail you a ruby handled cane and a large lampshade style pimp hat! Someone else can donate a rayon/polyester plaid liesure suite! If you dress appropriate guys will know in advance who they are dealing with! They better step back and recognize! yah I was pursuing alot at once, but now I'm focusing more on this nice guy instead. I want to be done with juggling guys and I think it's a great start that I will no longer associate with the baseball player. I like the idea of the whole pimp idea lol that was cute
shadowplay Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Ok CC....here's a lil' suggestion....time to change your avatar. Time so show people that you're not some Barbie airhead and that you're a smart woman, sister! Word...
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 Word... hmmm...well I'll have to think of a good one
reelwoman Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 unique's idea is great and doing that list thing has helped me---I got dumped last spring and even though it was kinda mutual and there were all kind s of reasons that I had been unhappy in the relationship for awhile ( more unhappy than he was, actually), once we broke up all I could think about was how much I missed the good things. I would get that list out every time I thought about calling him and it kept my perspective on track. Now after about 6 months we're casually hanging out in group situations and he's totally flirting with me and it's very confusing---so I am getting out that list I made this summer when I wanted to remind myself of all the reasons I was really happier without him in my life....it does help because when you're feeling that romantic pull, that attraction, it's hard to be realistic/logical!
Kamille Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 , I have plenty of other guys back home want to date me, he said that he didn't want to stand in their way. You have brought up variations of this comment in this thread and other ones. Which makes me believe that you think your self worth is measured by the amount of guys interested in you. the fact is, it doesn't matter at all wether baseball player values you more because you have guys chasing you. First off, because that would make him shallow. Second, saying it makes you sound shallow and immature. (you do realize that right?) Besides, he likely already knows you have guys chasing - but he might also think they're chasing because you encourage them. Which likely means that you are reinforcing his perception of you as a fun to be with girl not to be taken seriously as a girlfriend. I think I remember reading here somewhere that in order to really get a guy to take you seriously you have to start behaving like someone he would be proud to introduce to his mother. I'm not sure I fully agree, but I think in your case it is something you should reflect on. I also think the "so I have plenty of guys back home" comments explain why you keep juggling such a nice set of losers. You're afraid to face the possibility that no guy is into you. You would rather have attention, anyone's attention, rather then face the day when your self-worth isn't conforted by some guy or other. Why? Do you think it would be horrible? Think it through - imagine waking up tomorow and removing all these semi-jerks who are interested you from your life. In fact, magically, your guy selection all wrote to you in one day to tell you in no uncertain terms that they were no longer interested. How would you feel? Does the thought scare you? Is it impossible to fathom? Or does it, simultaneously offer you a slight sentiment of relief? Why do you need someone to be interested in you at all times chill chic? I have gone through periods in my life where, if guys were into me, I hardly noticed. It didn't matter. I had other things on my mind, was happy on my own and did not need somebody showing me attention in order to feel self-worth. All those time, such as the most recent one, were cut short by me actually meeting someone I could not pass up.
Star Gazer Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I think I remember reading here somewhere that in order to really get a guy to take you seriously you have to start behaving like someone he would be proud to introduce to his mother. I'm not sure I fully agree, but I think in your case it is something you should reflect on. That was my suggestion, and I still reinforce that concept - even more so in CC's case.
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 one quick question...and I will reply to the last few posts that were very insightful. in general...if say I was laid off from my job, a lil stressed, and if I told that to someone I was say dating, wouldn't you expect support back? it seems strange, but like I said above, this guy & I have been communicating ALOT more lately, seeing each other, etc, and so today I found out that I am for sure laid off. I have other options that are being thrown my way, so I mentioned it to him in an email since he wrote me one earlier about going to a haunted house with him tomorrow. I just told him I was a lil stressed out, but to wish me luck because I have a interview tomorrow with another agency. I was hoping for something along the lines of "good luck" or some supportive words, even if he is just my friend, I know he's not my bf, but still, wouldnt you think that I'd get some encouragement when I'm being honest? I dunno, just a thought...
uniqueone Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I think I remember reading here somewhere that in order to really get a guy to take you seriously you have to start behaving like someone he would be proud to introduce to his mother. I'm not sure I fully agree, but I think in your case it is something you should reflect on. There's a nice thought intended in this statement but it's pretty d*mned sexist if you ask me.....and if you give the statement more thought, I don't think it's really a good concept to go by. What if mom's a thrice divorced, chain-smoking boob? I'm sorry, but the statement: "in order to really get a guy to take you seriously you have to start behaving like someone he would be proud to introduce to his mother." is just wrong to me. Note the bolded parts....... It's saying to "get a guy" you have to be like someone--even if that's not who you are. No....in order to get a guy to take you seriously......be yourself. In order to take YOURSELF seriously, start behaving like someone that you'd be proud to introduce to YOURSELF.
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 like I can tell when he reads my email, but then he responds right away, this time I can tell he read it, but still has yet to respond.
uniqueone Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 one quick question...and I will reply to the last few posts that were very insightful. in general...if say I was laid off from my job, a lil stressed, and if I told that to someone I was say dating, wouldn't you expect support back? it seems strange, but like I said above, this guy & I have been communicating ALOT more lately, seeing each other, etc, and so today I found out that I am for sure laid off. I have other options that are being thrown my way, so I mentioned it to him in an email since he wrote me one earlier about going to a haunted house with him tomorrow. I just told him I was a lil stressed out, but to wish me luck because I have a interview tomorrow with another agency. I was hoping for something along the lines of "good luck" or some supportive words, even if he is just my friend, I know he's not my bf, but still, wouldnt you think that I'd get some encouragement when I'm being honest? I dunno, just a thought... You're doing it again, CC! Something's telling you that you're not being treated the way you really should. But yet, when you feel that way, you're doubting your thoughts and you're asking others whether or not you're supposed to feel bad about something or not. THIS is the part that you need to fix. If you don't fix this, you are going to continue this pattern with man after man after man. You need to get to a point where you KNOW when you're being treated right or not. You won't have to ask.
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 uh oh...you guys are going to bring up the way I dress next. well don't worry I just bought a ton of jeans trust me! I'm dressing more like a mature 26 year-old now and I think that it's helped thus far actually, so there is some truth in that, in the way someone carries themselves.
Star Gazer Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 There's a nice thought intended in this statement but it's pretty d*mned sexist if you ask me.....and if you give the statement more thought, I don't think it's really a good concept to go by. What if mom's a thrice divorced, chain-smoking boob? I'm sorry, but the statement: "in order to really get a guy to take you seriously you have to start behaving like someone he would be proud to introduce to his mother." is just wrong to me. Note the bolded parts....... It's saying to "get a guy" you have to be like someone--even if that's not who you are. No....in order to get a guy to take you seriously......be yourself. In order to take YOURSELF seriously, start behaving like someone that you'd be proud to introduce to YOURSELF. Why is it sexist? Guys should behave like the guy a girl would want to bring home to dad, and girls should behave like the girl a guy would want to bring home to mom. CC has been herself for a long time now, and she has yet to meet ANY guy who takes her seriously. The reasons why are too numerous and detailed to list here in one response, but if she made any effort whatsoever to be wife-material as opposed to solely bed-material, I think she's have better luck finding guys who took her seriously and treat her with the respect she deserves. R
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 You're doing it again, CC! Something's telling you that you're not being treated the way you really should. But yet, when you feel that way, you're doubting your thoughts and you're asking others whether or not you're supposed to feel bad about something or not. THIS is the part that you need to fix. If you don't fix this, you are going to continue this pattern with man after man after man. You need to get to a point where you KNOW when you're being treated right or not. You won't have to ask. I know I kinda snuck that one in haha. well yah but I'm asking in a general sense I guess, well hmmm I'll be patient with it, but maybe this is a good test too.
uniqueone Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Why is it sexist? Guys should behave like the guy a girl would want to bring home to dad, and girls should behave like the girl a guy would want to bring home to mom. CC has been herself for a long time now, and she has yet to meet ANY guy who takes her seriously. The reasons why are too numerous and detailed to list here in one response, but if she made any effort whatsoever to be wife-material as opposed to solely bed-material, I think she's have better luck finding guys who took her seriously and treat her with the respect she deserves. R I agree with what you said about the sexism part. Good point. As for the other part....if you read the rest of my post, I was not saying that she should continue being the way that she is. I'm saying that she shouldn't start behaving a certain way for someone else....she should be herself. BUT....there's a qualifier here...... The qualifier is that she first needs to be someone that she would be proud to introduce to HERSELF. (I don't know if I made any sense trying to explain this better)
uniqueone Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 I know I kinda snuck that one in haha. well yah but I'm asking in a general sense I guess, well hmmm I'll be patient with it, but maybe this is a good test too. Well I didn't give you my answer on it because I think you KNOW the answer already. I think it's time that you started to listen to yourself when you start hearing those little bells go off.
Author chill chic Posted October 17, 2007 Author Posted October 17, 2007 well so much for him then...geez when ya think ya know someone
Author chill chic Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 me & him were just talking a lil about this the other day when I was at his house and he seemed supportive, so I dunno freakin' know, all I know is that I'm a damn stress case yes I admit it.
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