Fervor Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Hi all. I wrote the below "piece" during a drunken rampage when I was angry, hurt, and lost. I didn't want to post under my usual name (out of shyness really). I hope it brings some of you something. It was therapeutic to write down. Bear in mind that this was written when I was especially drunk, with tears streaming down my face. He stood there, with his mouth open. She wasn't listening. And he didn't care anymore. It was time to stop. But he just didn't know… how to tell her. She was the one with the hopes and the dreams. And he didn't have the heart to tell her. DONE. She knew. And yet, she persisted. She remembered the first time. The kiss. The violent kiss that she laid upon him back then. He loved it. Her lack of experience and her naivety. Her lips and the soft look in her eyes. She was small and insecure. He, he was simply never there. He told her he loved her. But she knew, like the others before her, she was simply something for him to pass time with. She was as disposable as his socks. Her hair, her smile, her eyes…these he would forget. And he'd move on and love the next one with the same ardent passion he loved her with – only more. And he'd marry the next one, she was sure. Because she was his disposable little pair of fu*king socks. And now, she sits there. In the coldness, clutching her quilt. Wondering, about what could've been. I don't know why I let myself get into this. I thought I was better than this. He lied. And he continues to be indifferent and yet I persist. I want something more from him. Something I don't think he can ever give me. How incredibly cruel fate can be. I gave him my entire being, every cell of me. And now I want it all back. I want him to give me back to me. Please, turn the ****ing hands of time back. Please let me go back. Let me reclaim what is mine. My heart. My soul. My love. So we have ****ing chemistry. Something that , really, at the end of the day, doesn't mean much. Why? Because he won't be there when I need him. He won't be there to listen. He won't know who I really am. Underneath this insecurity and anger, he won't know the real me. He never really knew me. He saw something that was never there. And now, I want to leave. I want to leave him behind and make him hurt. But how do I do that? How do I move on from this? From the warm passionate kiss? From the soft wet tongue? From the large hands? From those eyes? From that body? From that hair? How do I forget him? How do I forget that time when he held me while I cried? How do I forget? Someone ****ing tell me how I forget. I want to move on. I don't want to remember him. I don't want to remember the moments we shared there. I don't want to remember how I sat on top of him with the moonlight spilling through the window. I don't want to remember that he could carry me. I don't want to remember how he felt inside of me. I don't want to remember the smell of his skin. I don't want to remember the way he laughed at my stories. I don't want to remember his straight, white teeth. I don't want to remember his incredible, soft mouth. I want to forget. I want to move on. So how do I do it? How do I ****ing move on? The tequila does nothing. The cigarette burns a hole through my soul. Nothing…nothing ****ing works. I want something to work damnit. I want something to make this ****ing better. Someone, tell me, how the **** do I make it better? His lips are the hardest to forget. A kiss, you should be able to forget it. You are better than this. You are a woman. You are strong, you are a independent. But his kiss. His hands. His ****ing kiss. His fu*king tongue. Damn it all to hell. I want to move on. TO walk away. Not look back. To spit on the memories. Spit. So tell me, how do I do it?
Bosiell Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Very moving and emotional. I can feel your hurt and bitterness in your words. Not being able to control your emotions, to not be in control of a situation, knowing there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to change your situation. Your sadness and pain is down to one person, just one. Only some comforting words from he or she can stop this mess, but you know deep down that isnt going to. The desparation is choking at times.. Why do you let ourselves get like this, how do we get out of this. At times none of it makes any sense. I feel nauseous from constantly having to deal with the memories that are upon me 24/7, the whys and if onlys. To want something soooo much, more than anything, and to be denied, the heart burns. I am just to fricking tired from trying to get my head around it all. Yeah I want to move on, to walk away not giving a fudge, to spit on those memories, but no. At the moment it isnt happening for me either. If I knew I would tell you..
Sanslatete Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I am just to fricking tired from trying to get my head around it all. Yeah I want to move on, to walk away not giving a fudge, to spit on those memories, but no. At the moment it isnt happening for me either. It's an endless task, this trying-to-get-my-head-around-it-all isn't it? Days like today, when the sun is shining and it's a lovely autumn day, I would have been wandering somewhere in the country with her, just chatting in the way that we used to, holding hands and without a care in the world. But she gave it all up, broke my heart into a million pieces, and I can't understand why.
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