jgarrard28 Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 So to make a long story short, my ex and I broke up in early June. Nothing really changed besides the fact that we dropped the label. We were still hanging out every day and still going on dates. Well, we never actually sat down and tried to fix anything, so of course things just gradually got worse and worse. In the middle of July she started seeing someone else, while still being emotionally attached to me. Eventually we stopped contact after both of us were emotional wrecks. We could not even communicate. I think we both knew we weren't going anywhere with what we had, although our foundation was amazing. She immediately jumped into another serious, and very rushed, relationship as I turned my attention towards my relationship with myself. Late August I felt like I needed to get a few things off my chest and some closure. I went to her apartment and basically told her how I REALLY feel. No lovey dovey type stuff. I was being very sincere with her and how much I cared for her as a person. I could tell it really touched her because she was holding back tears. This is the last time I spoke to her in person. I know I'm going to get crap for this, but the next week I wrote her a letter. It was basically an extended version of what I talked to her about the previous week. I didn't really talk about the relationship at all. I just told her how much of an impact she had in my life (she actually inspired me to make a drastic change, eventually bringing me back to God and my beliefs). I felt like I needed to do this for closure more than anything, and to my surprise it worked. Well it's now October, and I've been getting weird signals from her. She seems to be really happy with this new guy, so I've made sure to stay far away. It was the last week of September when she started making contact again. She left a comment on my Myspace right after I put up a picture of me with my shirt off (although I wasn't in terrible shape, I had made very noticeable improvements to my physique). I also stated on my Myspace that I had finished my Ebook that I was writing, which I know was really important to her. Also, I have a IP Address tracker so I can tell when she is on my site. She's been on pretty much every other day for the past few weeks, multiple times a day (I know that sounds creepy, but I have a tracker for a good reason). She's also sent a couple random texts. She did this a lot when we first broke up so she would have an excuse to see me. She'd have me pick up something useless at her house, or she'd come get something at my house. I responded to her Myspace comment which was really short and sweet, but I didn't respond to any of her text messages. I do have a good foundation with this girl. I still have feelings for her. I know she still has feelings for me, whether they be small or strong. I'm pretty sure she's trying to reach out right now, but the fact that she's in a serious relationship at the moment keeps us in minimal contact. If she really wants to talk with me, I don't want her to beat around the bush. I want her to CALL ME, or COME SEE ME. I'm trying to be really careful about things right now. I don't want to get in the way of her relationship with her boyfriend, but at the same time I don't want her to think I'm being cold or playing games by not responding to text messages. I'm trying to be a 21 year old adult here. I'm keeping my distance, but I want to be there when she wants to talk to me. Ladies, or men, what does she want me to do? What is she doing on my Myspace almost every night? Why is she sending these random texts again, even though she seems to be decently happy with her new man?
birdie Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 well if she's only started to see this guy in July then I don't know how it can be classed as a serious relationship yet. it's been just 3 months so far. it does sound like she is trying to reach out but my question is: why did you break up in the first place? do you think it would work if you got together again? seriously. if not then it doesn't matter what she is trying to do. think through what would be the best outcome long term and then decide the course of action
Author jgarrard28 Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 Well, she did the classic rebound thing. It was pretty obvious she started with him where her and I left off in seriousness. In the first week she was talking about marriage with him. So when I say "serious", I mean she basically continued where she left off with me immediately after the breakup. We broke up for a lot of little reasons, no different than any other relationship really. There wasn't anything big. I know she felt a little pressure from her mom who never seemed to approve of me. She also felt like I stopped progressing during the last month or so of the relationship, which is partly true. It was basically a lot of little problems eventually turning into big problems because we never sat down to resolve things. We just let things progressively get worse. I guess our pride just got in the way. I really do think we'd work if we were more mature about it the second time around. We care for each other a lot. What it really comes down to is immaturity on both of our parts. We're young. She's 19 and I'm 21. We're both still learning a lot. I think sometimes breakups happen because the timing was a little off. I think that could be the case for us. I bet she's learning a lot with the 28 year old she's dating. Anyways, I am being very cautious about this whole situation. I don't want to jump into something bad just because I miss her. At the same time, I'm not going to completely ignore her. There's a possibility she just misses my friendship also. I don't really know what's going to happen, I just want to be smart about it.
birdie Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 that's a good way to go I think. you seem to have a good handle on the situation and it is not bothering you so much that you should cut contact. if you think you can deal with how things are (ie the fact that she is seeing someone else) and may not develop further, then by all means keep in touch with her. do bear in mind what you said about the reasons for the break-up. if you ever get back together both of you will have to make sure you talk to each other and don't let small things get out of hand. good luck
Sw3etdev1L Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I believe she doesn't want to lose you but more as a friend, because she is already with somebody else. That's the truth I mean, the facts.
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