Galexia Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been together for 3+ years. He's 59 and I'm 30. There hasn't been many obstacles up until now, only because I'm worried about my future w/ him. We get along wonderfully, have excellent sex, and genuinley love each other. He's the best partner I've ever had. BUT....I'm just starting a career and he's getting ready to retire. I'm about 85% sure I don't want children, and he's certain he wants no more (he has 2) We lack friends, and feel judged a lot. What are others opinions about this? Anyone in a similar arrangement? Any Advice? I see older-younger relationships in Hollywood a lot, but it's Hollywood...its not real.
allina Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I often have a difficult time understanding how such relationships work but I see nothing to discriminate against in your situation. You were both adults when you got together and you're in a LTR that like all relationships will have some disagreements about the future. I tried pming you a link but you don't have pm options yet
Author Galexia Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 I'm wondering if I'm having a hard time with this because MOST of society does. Is that why I'm questioning it?? I guess things are great now, but in like 10 yrs, I'll be 40 and he 70....Can this really work? Is there any way you can just type out the link? I'd love more feedback! Thanks!
allina Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I'm wondering if I'm having a hard time with this because MOST of society does. Is that why I'm questioning it?? I guess things are great now, but in like 10 yrs, I'll be 40 and he 70....Can this really work? Is there any way you can just type out the link? I'd love more feedback! Thanks! That could be a part of why you're questioning things. However I think we all have similar questions about the future like "what will happen in 10 years?" "What if we can't agree on kids or where to live?" I feel like that's a part of making a life together. Here is the link http://community.livejournal.com/agegap/profile it's a forum about age gap relationships that I think may be helpful.
mirroredmalice Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I think it's okay. I'm a strong believer in 'if it feels right, it's okay' and if you both love each other then I think the age difference doesn't matter. I'm having a similar problem (on a much smaller scale coz I'm only 16!) but I don't have anything against big age gaps. However, the fact that your partner is nearly sixty may mean you may not have a very long future together - not to try to dampen your spirits or anything! But get out there and meet some people - if they're not ready to accept your situation then they're not worth your friendship.
Poboy Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 are you prepared to live the rest of your life on your own or with someone else once he is not there ? you have less friends , no kids . you have to live in this society. you will always have people around you who will talk about your relationship. thats not important , what is is how you think about your relationship especially the future.
Lizzie60 Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I know how you feel... but IMO, when the age gap is more than 15 years, the chances of success on a long term is almost nil... It's OK for a few years but I cannot set my mind that it can last the same amount of years as a relationship with 2 equal partners (in age). I have dated and sleep with guys 30+ younger... I absolutely can't see how it can last... they get mad when I talk about it.. but that's another sign (for me) that they are immature and not 'realistic' about it. The dynamic is very different for a woman; older men/younger women has been seen for decades... it's accepted by society... Older women/younger men (especially when the guy is a lot younger) is not perceived the same way... they are judged a lot. I know it's a double standard but I can see why... It can't changed overnight. I just can't see myself at 55 with a 85 yr old man... But if you are questioning yourself at this time (30)... methink you will only question yourself more and more as the years go by. I am not sure what to tell you... only you know what's best for you, since I don't know much about your relationship. Good luck!
Replicant Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I'm wondering if I'm having a hard time with this because MOST of society does. Is that why I'm questioning it?? I guess things are great now, but in like 10 yrs, I'll be 40 and he 70....Can this really work? Is there any way you can just type out the link? I'd love more feedback! Thanks! That's the thing, people spend too much time worrying what the rest of society thinks. But it's not the rest of society whom you are coming home to at night, or in any right an active part of your life other than a judgemental one based on their own perspectives. Age does not matter as long as you both are fine with that. Don't question it, just do what you enjoy doing.
Sean0775 Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I dated a girl who was 34 (I was 23 at the time). It worked for a while, but she eventually wanted things to move too fast and I was forced to break things off. I don't think I'd do that again, but different strokes for different folks.
Tony T Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I dated a girl who was 34 (I was 23 at the time). It worked for a while, but she eventually wanted things to move too fast and I was forced to break things off. I don't think I'd do that again, but different strokes for different folks. One or the other wanting things to move faster is NOT an age thing. It can happen to people in junior high or in the rest home.
Sean0775 Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 One or the other wanting things to move faster is NOT an age thing. It can happen to people in junior high or in the rest home. Yes, but I tend to foolishly operate on the Hot Stove theory. If I get burned once, I don't do what I did before...or I at least wait until I forget about it and whatever I did seems like a good idea at the time. In this case, the good idea at the time was a pretty, older woman who threw herself at me and I naively walked right into it. I'm of the belief that failed relationships are equal parts learning experience/wastes of time, so maybe somewhere down the line I'll date another older woman. The whole "50 when I'm 35" possibility is a bit of a turn off though.
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