canadiangurl Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Is it fair to say that a guy like this is not interested in anything beyond a One Night Stand? If you're on a first date with a guy and when you say goodbye at the end of the night he kisses you and during the kiss his hands are all over you - inside your shirt, up your skirt, trying to touch your breasts, even trying to touch your vajay area - that he is just trying to get some easy sex, right? I had a first date like this and I had to repeatedly tell the guy to take it easy with the wandering hands. I was very attracted to him and enjoyed the kissing but his hands were EVERYWHERE. He also said "so, can I sleep in your bed?" and I laughed and said no. When I said no he eventually went home and then called me the next morning to set up another date. But he could ONLY be after easy sex to have acted like that, right?
r4836 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I would definitely say he is after sex. If I were out with a girl, I would definitely not do that - talk about respect.
Kamille Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 well he called the next day to set up a new date so... hmmmm. I don't think one could assume he was only looking for penis accomodations. How was the date? Would you say you two really hit it off? Question 2: do you feel like going on second date with him?
Trialbyfire Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Do you want a ONS? If not, I see some mixed signals on your part.
The Collector Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Sounds like a regular red-blooded man. I'd act pretty similarly (if I was given the right signals) and it would in no way mean I wasn't interested in anything more serious. All of my serious relationships have begun with some action ASAP - otherwise I figure the girls not interested or frigid. But then so have lots of one night stands or relationships that went nowhere. **** him if you fancy him is my advice.
reboot Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Sounds like a regular red-blooded man. I'd act pretty similarly (if I was given the right signals) and it would in no way mean I wasn't interested in anything more serious. All of my serious relationships have begun with some action ASAP - otherwise I figure the girls not interested or frigid. But then so have lots of one night stands or relationships that went nowhere. **** him if you fancy him is my advice. I'd tell you what that makes you sound like, but I'm sure you don't care. To the OP: I can't answer the question as to if he was after nothing but sex, but he is at the very least pushy and rude, and definitely no gentleman. Maybe women don't expect that anymore, I don't know....
Author canadiangurl Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 well he called the next day to set up a new date so... hmmmm. I don't think one could assume he was only looking for penis accomodations. How was the date? Would you say you two really hit it off? Question 2: do you feel like going on second date with him? It's a weird one. I met him a few months prior to the first date and he spent all that time trying to track me down (he gave me his phone number when I first met him but I lost his phone number). During the first date, he was gentlemanly and I really enjoyed his company and was really, really attracted to him. He walked me home and we said goodbye and went to give each other a friendly hug which turned into a very very passionate kiss (there seemed to be a lot of chemistry). Then we decided not to end the date there but rather to go out for another drink. At the bar we went to he could not stop kissing me and his hands were all over me. I liked it but did at the same time think it was too much too soon. Then he walked me home again. We kissed very passionately outside my building. We must have kissed and joked and talked for over an hour. This was when his hands were REALLY wandering. He called me the next day but I was going out of town that day for four days. We texted each other every day and arranged a date for when I got back into town. We were due to go out the night after I got back into town but then he texted me asking if he could see me the actual night I got back and whether I'd like him to pick me up from the airport. In the end we did not have sex on the second date.
compassion42 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I think he was just being a normal guy who found you to be very sexy. I like that he called you the next day to see you again-that says alot in my opinion. Some guys just assume all girls are easy and you made it clear that you weren't-good for YOU!
directx Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I don't know if he is normal. He doesn't have any tact. Plus I would bet he would probably be really lame in bed because it doesn't sound like he really knows how to enjoy a woman, especially a new one.
fray718 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I dont' think he was necessarily after you just for sex, my gut feeling says that this is jus the way he is as a person....that is, he doesnt have that much self control when he sees a girl he really likes and just HAS to has his hands all over her? (fact that he called next day for another date is a good sign). If I were you, I'd tell him that this is a bit too much too soon and tell him to take it slowly....if he likes u only for sex then he'd be gone....if he wants more, well then he'd keep calling u for dates. This is how you'd eventually find out what he's after in this case.
daphne Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 canadian, Well, a guy that gets that handsy with you on teh first date surely doesn't have monogamy and long term relationship on the brain. He wants sex. Doesn't mean he may not want more. But most of the time, when a guy looks at you as long term material he's not going to screw it up by pushing you too far.
betterthandead Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Seems kinda desperate, usually I'd do that after hmm 2-3 meetings with her.
WaterTiger Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 This guy seems AWFULY pushy...I'd be very suspicious of his motives. I'd also take a cab home from the airport or you're likely to hear the old :"I did a favor for you, you do a favor for me!" line. When guys move too fast like this I find it disrespectful and desperate. He's looking for fast sex or to make you a FB. The fact that you're attracted to him makes it easy for him.
jcster Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Most guys are looking for a hole...but they prefer it attached to a woman that they can like or even love. That being said, the guy sounds pretty inexperienced to me. Maybe he thinks it was sexy? BTW, the whole "so, can I sleep in your bed" is incredibly lame.
The Collector Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I'd tell you what that makes you sound like, but I'm sure you don't care. I'm curious, hit me with it baby. Bear in mind that the OP has said they were kissing a lot and she enjoyed it. She says that the original date was to end, then after some passionate kissing went for another drink, where they continued kissing. IMO she encouraged it plenty but has some issues about sex (see thread title) and now feels guilty about it so started this thread so she had some tangible proof she is a 'good girl.' Of course no means no, if that's the implication. But there's many a woman that will put up some light resistance and wants the man to seduce her with his kisses and wandering hands. But the question is whether this behaviour means the man isn't looking for a relationship, and I repeat that getting passionate doesn't equal commitment-phobic in any way.
reboot Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 So if I kiss a woman and she likes it, then I have carte blanche to feel her up? Dammit I wish someone had told me that 30 years ago... When did kissing become an invitation for sex? Maybe it's just me, maybe the world has "moved on" since I was in the dating scene. Maybe I just wasn't raised that way. (barring a specific invitation) One doesn't just start grabbing a woman's privates on a first date.
Author canadiangurl Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 I'm curious, hit me with it baby. Bear in mind that the OP has said they were kissing a lot and she enjoyed it. She says that the original date was to end, then after some passionate kissing went for another drink, where they continued kissing. IMO she encouraged it plenty but has some issues about sex (see thread title) and now feels guilty about it so started this thread so she had some tangible proof she is a 'good girl.' Of course no means no, if that's the implication. But there's many a woman that will put up some light resistance and wants the man to seduce her with his kisses and wandering hands. But the question is whether this behaviour means the man isn't looking for a relationship, and I repeat that getting passionate doesn't equal commitment-phobic in any way. I may have a couple issues about sex. I'm totally into this guy but I'm also very very wary (not just about him but about men in general). I worried that his wandering hands meant that he only saw me as a sex object. However, the rest of his behaviour suggests that he's interested in my mind AND my body. I suppose that's not such a bad thing.
blowingthetrout Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Oooo, some raunchy anonymous glory-hole action would be perfect for him!
nicki Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 The same thing just happened to me! On the first date, the guy was very pushy for sex. What a turn off! And this was after I told him that I take things slowly. He grabbed me, kissed me HARD and then his hands went wandering to my chest....yikes. Whatever happened to a nice tender, exploratory kiss first and some shy moves on the guy's part to gauge a woman's readiness? He called me the next day and asked me out again. I went out with him again because I otherwise liked him and was afraid I had given him mixed signals. We were throwing sexual banter around a bit earlier on in the evening. Anyway, I have gone out with him a few more times. He is still pushing for sex, evening asking me during dinner if we can go "F*ck." How romantic. I'm utterly confused. He tells me he considers us in a relationship. He says he just really wants to be with me physically and is simply "going with it." That's just "who he is." When I tell him I like to take things slowly and get to know someone first, he says he is "teasing me and kidding around with me." BUT, he still acts pushy and says sexual things to me constantly. He also touches me whenever he wants, and I have to bat his hand away. It's weird. Most guys are gentlemen. I know guys want sex from the beginning, but what to make of such a pushy guy who seems inconsiderate of what I need? And that's more time, tenderness and romance. Anyway, just wanted to share my story so you know you aren't alone! It's a huge turn off.
nicki Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 And I know part of it IS my fault for acting way too sexual during that first date. He has told me that I exude a very strong sexual energy...whatever that means. I didn't dress too sexy or anything....oh well
Replicant Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 The same thing just happened to me! On the first date, the guy was very pushy for sex. What a turn off! And this was after I told him that I take things slowly. He grabbed me, kissed me HARD and then his hands went wandering to my chest....yikes. Whatever happened to a nice tender, exploratory kiss first and some shy moves on the guy's part to gauge a woman's readiness? He called me the next day and asked me out again. I went out with him again because I otherwise liked him and was afraid I had given him mixed signals. We were throwing sexual banter around a bit earlier on in the evening. Anyway, I have gone out with him a few more times. He is still pushing for sex, evening asking me during dinner if we can go "F*ck." How romantic. I'm utterly confused. He tells me he considers us in a relationship. He says he just really wants to be with me physically and is simply "going with it." That's just "who he is." When I tell him I like to take things slowly and get to know someone first, he says he is "teasing me and kidding around with me." BUT, he still acts pushy and says sexual things to me constantly. He also touches me whenever he wants, and I have to bat his hand away. It's weird. Most guys are gentlemen. I know guys want sex from the beginning, but what to make of such a pushy guy who seems inconsiderate of what I need? And that's more time, tenderness and romance. Anyway, just wanted to share my story so you know you aren't alone! It's a huge turn off. Just like the OP you contradict yourself in your actions. This guy has made his intentions quite clear to you yet you choose to continue seeing him let alone fan the flames by engaging sexual playfulness. You've given him the green light in his mind, so of course he's using a multitude of reasons to get into your pants. I don't support his actions any more your shifting blame by painting a picture of a pushy, inconsiderate guy lacking respect of your needs and feelings!? If you knew what those needs really were and had some self respect to go along with it you would have bounced the dude after the first date as he clearly defined his intentions and interests in you.
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