Kerewin Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Okay, I'm keep getting philosophical replies to my logistical question, so I'm going to try reposting. Here's the hypothetical--you meet a girl, you have a blast with her, you have a lot in common, sex is fun, etc. BUT, you don't feel the old *spark*/ warm & fuzzy with her. It's more like she's a really good bud you can have sex with. So you give her the "friends" speech. Is there anything a girl can do or HAS done in this situation that would make you re-evaluate your decision?
compassion42 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I'm not a guy but I would think it could help if you were to make yourself less like a bud and more alluring and mysterious. Also when you are around him...make sure you look extra good.
lost66 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Don't have sex with him anymore, don't call him for a bit. If he is at all interested, he'll be back. good luck.
Poboy Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 if there is no spark , usually its not going to work no matter what the girl does. only a fwb relationship is possible.
brothermartin Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Yeah, ask yourself why you had sex with someone you consider a "bud." If you can answer that, then you just might see her as more. If not, it's probably not her, its you.
StaringContest Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Yeah, ask yourself why you had sex with someone you consider a "bud." If you can answer that, then you just might see her as more. If not, it's probably not her, its you. FYI. The OP is the chick, not the dude.
Timberlane Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 It's pretty rare that I would not want more of a relationship with someone that good. I only did that recently because the friend and I more or less get on each other's nerves, yet still have things in common. But it was not something that was going to last, and it in fact didn't. I think it's also pretty rare that a FWB is really all that great, to tell the truth. That's why they don't go further.
lonelybird Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Yes, Stop sex ALL TOGETHER. If he comes back, fine; if not, you don't want him anyway. Can I be a little blunt here? If a man have sex with you and don't commit to you, that is emotional rape, don't settle for this. and YOU are responsible for keeping the boundaries
Author Kerewin Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 op here-- speaking as an actual rape survivor--no it's NOT rape, not by a long shot. absolutely no comparison. completely minimizes what is actually means to raped. I know you're trying to be helpful, and I'm not trying to dump on you, but it's just a hot button issue for me (for obvious reasons)
lonelybird Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 op here-- speaking as an actual rape survivor--no it's NOT rape, not by a long shot. absolutely no comparison. completely minimizes what is actually means to raped. I know you're trying to be helpful, and I'm not trying to dump on you, but it's just a hot button issue for me (for obvious reasons) ok, understand. sorry about what happened. we women have special quality that different from guys. our emotional welfare connect to sex. If we have sex, we want commitment. if commitment is not there, we feel uneasy, something is wrong. maybe this guy don't know this, or just act on his interests and didn't think through all these things, either way he is not mature enough to protect your emotion and feelings. but YOU have to protect yourself. Commitment first, sex second. otherwise you will be vulnerable in that kind of situation. you can control it by holding back sex. what most valuable is your precious heart and soul, not your past; the man you choose to have sex, must have a good heart and soul as well.
Author Kerewin Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 lonelybird--we have a little different take on things. True, I'll sleep with a guy before there's a commitment, but that's because I've found that if I wait until I think the sex should "mean something" it hurts SO much more if it doesn't work out. That said, it's far easier for a guy to get into my pants than my heart---that's the place I hold sacred.
Timberlane Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Eh, not every woman wants a commitment that is having sex with someone. You know that, lonelybird. It Depends®
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