Sweetcheripie Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I'm in my 40's and haven't dated much at all. I divorced when my kiddo's were 2.5 years old and 6 months. In that same year my parents died in a car crash and I don't have any other family. So I kinda shut myself off from things and decided to just raise my kids - my ex didn't see them much so I pretty much didn't have any time to date anyway. No regrets! Fast forward many years, met a guy (he literally walked into my life - was holding an open house and there he was) we dated for 6 months and it has just ended. I realized how very much I missed it!! It's really too soon to start dating again but I thought I'd just check out a couple of the dating sites!! OMG! I logged on to one and in about 10 minutes there were 15 emails from guys interested - WOW! I had no clue. So what to do? Should I flirt a little or just hold off for a while? How long to wait to date again? I really am done with the exbf - I thought I adored him but a lot of it was a lie - I don't want to go years again but I don't want to use anybody to just forget about him, kwim?? Also, I'm a little scared of this online dating stuff!
melodymatters Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Good for you, and theres nothing to be scared of ! One of LS's coolest posters met his wife on a site and now they are expecting their first child ! I tried this last year, and like you, got TONS of responses. I've heard thats what happens with " new" people. ( especially if you are attractive and write a nice profile) I got kind of overwhelmed. Too many people to try and " get to know", so I narrowed it down to 2 that I talked on the phone with. One was very nice, but no chemistry, the other made a date and flaked. After that I took it down, not because it was such an awful experience, but I wasn't in the right mood/ mindset to date at the time. Just have fun with it, and who knows what might happen ? At least it's good for the ego and shows you that there are many fish in the sea, even if you don't meet " the one" this way. Also, how is it really different from meeting somone at a bar, at the park, or an open house ? You never know someone until you put in the time.
Author Sweetcheripie Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Thanks Melodymatters!!! That is great info! I think I am going to have a little fun with this! Definitely put me in a better mood this Saturday afternoon!
Road Rage Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 sweetcheripie Yeah, go ahead and post it and I will be the first one to respond:)
Author Sweetcheripie Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Aww thanks RR - that made me giggle!
Timberlane Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I've done the online dating thing for a three month period and had some good dates, met some nice women I ended up having more with, and also learned a lot. The main thing I learned is not to set up too many dates. Ugh! You really get spread thin and burned out. Definitely take your time, go slow, and choose someone nice to go on your dates with. Don't go on more than one a week, for sure. The woman I ended up seeing briefly was so wonderful. We lived in different states, but we visited each other a few times. Things were very warm from the first visit. I stopped online dating last Spring and have since met women just by chance. That's ultimately worked out the best for me, but I would go back if chance was not working. Have fun!
Lizzie60 Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 It is normal to get so many messages when you first put your profile... They have a way to find the 'new' profiles... and then you get a ton of messages... they do that to all new female registering for the first time... Be picky... take your time... ask for a picture... email a lot... get to know them online first... then if you want to meet, go for a coffee (never dinner LOL) in a public place... I've done a lot of dating sites... not anymore... but it is a lot of fun... but it could be overwhelming at times. Good luck! Let us know if you find 'Mr. Right'.
Timberlane Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Ask for a picture? You really should be on a dating site where you have to post pictures, or at the very least you can filter out the profiles that have none. It is best to post multiple pictures of yourself in good lighting so that there are no surprises when you meet. To hide behind bad photos either intentionally or otherwise serves no purpose and will kick you in the butt later. I made certain that all of me was in the photos, too. No hiding the lower part of your body. Think about the things you either like to do or would like to be doing in the near future. Hopefully you are passionate about several hobbies or avocations. Shared things like that are great when you are getting to know someone. Another thing, I really preferred to talk on the phone with someone a few times before we met. A female friend of mine said she hates this, but I know it's because she doesn't like how she comes across over the phone. I like the phone because you can tell if someone is warm, aloof, interested, etc. a lot better than from e-mails.
betterthandead Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 Yeah, online dating it works best for women, not for men.
Author Sweetcheripie Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 Thank you so much for all the good info! All of the men that sent messages had pictures. I really like the idea of talking on the phone a couple of times first and definitely just meeting for coffee! I am really surprised how much information people provide. One guy sent a link to his work so I could read his bio. It was a great bio but what if I was some type of lunatic? I now know his name, where he works, his work number, and cell phone number. I emailed him a picture with my first name because I am in real estate and it would be easy to find out lots of info about me if a person knew my full name. Is it weird to send that much info within a couple of emails? Or is he just being open and giving me lots of info so I won't be nervous?
Road Rage Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 sweetcheripie It is not so risky for a man to provide info. If I were a woman it would probably be mandatory that I had important info so you could positively identify this person before you meet him. If you think about it, there are lots of people around who know where you work, phone no`s address and so forth if they wanted to get that info. As a woman you should welcome the man who provides info right up front because a man should be considerate and give you reassurance. I have never done online dating but if I did, a requirement would be enough info on a woman to do an internet background check. It would be worth it. At best, online dating may require some out of pocket money to avoid some real doozies. I don`t see it as something to do if you are scrapping for bucks.
Author Sweetcheripie Posted October 14, 2007 Author Posted October 14, 2007 Good points Road Rage! I have to admit I like what he sent and it immediately set him apart. You are right I do think it was very considerate. Funny thing, the website link was a place that I actually know really well - and it turns out one of my dearest friends knows him. What a small world!
Phateless Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I've played with it a lot, but don't meet that many people from online dating. I consider it mostly a complement to the real world, for when I'm bored, or mostly just because you never know, you might meet someone amazing... Talk through email a bit, talk on the phone, and go from there... I usually like to meet in person sooner rather than later to see if there's any real chemistry. Sometimes you can get to know someone on the phone only to discover that it's not what you thought in real life. That really sucks. I have a fwb who is actually a really good friend who came from a dating site. Go figure...
halfarock Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I tried online dating for awhile. I dated several women but none that lasted for more than a couple of months. One woman told me that she had put up her profile and a week later had around 200 replies. The problem that I had with on-line dating is that through email and phone conversations you get a sense that you know someone but it doesn’t necessarily translate to real life. It seems to me that with the women who I’ve had the best relationships that there was this feeling, chemistry, that I felt around them from the first time I met them. It’s something that you don’t get on-line. It’s just hit or miss. I raised my kids as a single parent from the time they were 1 and 3. Their mother was rarely around. Except for a couple of times, when friends tried to set me up with someone, I didn’t date for almost 10 years, with no regrets. I feel much more comfortable running into people than meeting someone online. It’s more real, I get a feeling about someone much better live than online.
wizer Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Yeah, online dating it works best for women, not for men. Speak for yourself. I have done quite well with it. Just because you may have struck out doesn't justify that sort of generalization.
betterthandead Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Speak for yourself. I have done quite well with it. Just because you may have struck out doesn't justify that sort of generalization. You're right, online dating does not work for really ugly no-personality types like myself.
sb129 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 i met wonderboy online, and we now live together, and are really happy. A few more friends of mine have had some success- if anything its an amazing confidence booster! I would just recommend that you not leap into meeting up with people in person too soon, and be safe. Good luck!
sapphire0903 Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I would say that overall, my experience with online dating has been good. I have been on and off for about 8 mths now,.......I think online dating is a great tool for meeting people. I have met some very interesting, smart, & fun gentlemen,.....none has been the "one", but I am not rushing it. Just having a good time, and enjoying myself, and my advice to you would be to do the same. Don't take it all too seriously, protect yourself in all ways, (but don't be too paranoid), and keep it real. Be safe!
uniqueone Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 It is normal to get so many messages when you first put your profile... They have a way to find the 'new' profiles... and then you get a ton of messages... they do that to all new female registering for the first time... That always makes me wonder....do they even care what she's all about? I mean, the fact that almost all women, when they're new on a site get lots of messages tells me that it's more the newness than anything and that's kind of off-putting in my opinion.
uniqueone Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I tried online dating for awhile. I dated several women but none that lasted for more than a couple of months. I wonder how typical that is in online relationships. I mean, I wonder if these relationships are more short lived. The people in them know that new people are just a click away. One woman told me that she had put up her profile and a week later had around 200 replies. I would say that she was exaggerating.
wizer Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I wonder how typical that is in online relationships. I mean, I wonder if these relationships are more short lived. The people in them know that new people are just a click away. I can't imagine that people that have met through online dating sights are willing to give up that much faster than people that met in real life just because it's easier to find someone else. Lots of relationships only last a few months. That much said, I have been in 3 relationships from dating sites. The first was 4 months, it crashed and burned because I was just not ready to jump back in after my marriage failed. I took almost no time in between moving out and dating. The second was 1.5 months. It was volatile, we were arguing within a few weeks. One argument was actually about the fact that she was still looking at her profile after we declared each other exclusive. My present relationship is 4 months and going strong.
sapphire0903 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I wonder how typical that is in online relationships. I mean, I wonder if these relationships are more short lived. The people in them know that new people are just a click away. I would say fairly typical,....it is true, it is soo easy to go online and look around. But then you are not wasting alot of time.....that is a plus for me in my experience. By placing the type of relationship you are looking for in your profile, you can gage a little on what the other person wants as well. ( If they are being truthful) I would say that she was exaggerating. I wouldn't, .......the men usually outnumber women sometimes as high as 5 to 1.....pretty good odds for an attractive woman....even better with good pics and decent profile.
wizer Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 How do you know the percentages? Are they listed somewhere?
lonelybird Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I had one On line relationship last for 2 years, we just talked and talked, we were too far to meet. anyway I strongly believe if it is meant to be it will be. and online dating is a good way to learn another's mind and thought before any physical contact
wizer Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I had one On line relationship last for 2 years, This thread is really about online dating sights. Meeting people online. You are referring to an LDR, or long distance relationship.. Wow, that's a long time never to meet. And you didn't date anyone else during that time? I can't help but wonder how many opportunities were lost for you.
Recommended Posts