howhard Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I've been thinking about divorcing my wife since last summer when I thought she was ready to leave me for another man. When I talked to her she assured me that he was just a friend, that she loved me more than anything, that she didn't want a divorce and that if I tried to divorce her she would make my life misearable. I think that she doesn't want a divorce because I make twice as much money as she does and it would be hard for her to live without me. She, of course, says that it's because she loves me very much and that OM was just a friend. I told her that it was OK if she communicated with him if he was just a friend, but it wasn't OK for her to try to keep it secret from me. She agreed not to do it. I didn't believe that he was just a friend, but I let it go and continued to spy on her email. In August I again thought she was ready to leave me, but OM told her that he was staying with his wife. Immediately after he told her that W closed her special yahoo email account that she used for nothing but emailing him. So I thought it was over between W and OM. I swallowed my pride and decided to wait and see how things went, still continuing to spy on her computer. Yesterday she set up a brand new yahoo email account, apparently for the sole purpose of emailing him and sent him a short email that said only 'What are you wearing?'. I just find it difficult to believe you would send an email to someone that you consider to be just a friend asking 'What are you wearing?'. At this point I think that I have made up my mind to get a divorce, however I'm wondering what can she do to make my life miserable. I understand the financial aspects, but it's the emotional aspects that I'm concerned with. Thanks.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 OM, financial aspects and threats from your wife aside, do you WANT to stay married to her? If there was no problems in divorcing, would you want to divorce her because you no longer want to be with her?
Author howhard Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 I no longer want to be with her primarily because I don't like the feeling that I'm her number two choice. I'm not sure how I would feel it it wasn't for that. I wish I could evaluate how I would feel ignoring this fact, but I don't seem to be able to. I don't think she wants to be with me, but because of the financial situation she probably thinks she has no option. Of course I have no way of knowing for sure how she feels. She would say that I am definitely wrong about this. It would be interesting to see how she would feel if she made more money than I do. I read some of these other posts and see the problems other married people have and think my problems are so inconsequential compared to others that I sometimes think I should just grin and bear it.
PWSX3 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I don't think she wants to be with me, but because of the financial situation she probably thinks she has no option. Of course I have no way of knowing for sure how she feels. Sounds like maybe you need to ask, you can't read someones mind. I know you hear it all the time here but have you thought of counseling? I feel it helps but both parties have to want to go, they both have to be positive about it. You both have to be able to talk with each other & she HAS to get rid of OM or she won't be able to be honest with you. She would say that I am definitely wrong about this. It would be interesting to see how she would feel if she made more money than I do. I read some of these other posts and see the problems other married people have and think my problems are so inconsequential compared to others that I sometimes think I should just grin and bear it. You shouldn't have to just grin & bear it, but there are things you can do to make it better. This has been something I have been working at & it is hard, but look inside yourself to find your faults, see what you can do to make the marriage better & don't wait for her. Someone suggested to me that you look at the positives your W has & not the negatives. Look at what works well for your marriage & build on that. Just my .2 & maybe something to think about.
Gunny376 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 When all is said and done? If all you are to the "Dear Wife" is a meal ticket? I wouldn't be going? I'd be gone! Aside from the financical aspect? What can she do to you? Mentally? Emotionally? To tell the truth? All she can do is get PO and use harsh language? Move and don't let her know where, get a PO box, caller ID and get busy finding someone who see's you for more than her personal meal ticket through life!
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I will give you an example of how a W (divorced) can make her husband's life miserable... My last ex' ex was crazy... She did everything after he divorced her to make his life and all his gf's life miserable... She assaulted his gf once, the one before me... Then when I got into the picture... boy did she hated me... She would call 35 times a day...to tell me all kind of nasty things... she would drive by our place, she would come and ring at the door at 3 in the morning... (after we blocked her number)... she would tell me nasty things in public (restaurant)... she eventually stopped... cause she was on probation after she assaulted his secretary.. she hated everyone around him... It was crazy.. and it came very close to separate us... I had to put my foot down and tell him I've had it with her... blablabla.. so he could do something about it...
Gunny376 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Sounds like maybe you need to ask, you can't read someones mind. I know you hear it all the time here but have you thought of counseling? I feel it helps but both parties have to want to go, they both have to be positive about it. You both have to be able to talk with each other & she HAS to get rid of OM or she won't be able to be honest with you. You shouldn't have to just grin & bear it, but there are things you can do to make it better. This has been something I have been working at & it is hard, but look inside yourself to find your faults, see what you can do to make the marriage better & don't wait for her. Someone suggested to me that you look at the positives your W has & not the negatives. Look at what works well for your marriage & build on that. Just my .2 & maybe something to think about. There was this guy? He was the World's Greatest Mule Trainer! He could train a mule to do things that no one else could! He could train one to do tricks like a circus elephnat! Stand on their heads, roll a ball around on command! You name it! Fella asked him what was the key to his success in training stubborn, hard-head mules? He took out back behind the barn. He walked to a new mule he was breaking in? He looked at the fella and said as he picked up a 2X2 and whacked the mule across the forehead? "First? You've got to get their attention?" If it were me? I'd take a day off from work, go down and rent myself a U-haul, hire me a couple of day labors , or entice a couple of buddies over with a couple cases of beer, and move what I wanted out and then for all sakes and purposes? Fall off the face of the Earth in so far as she was concerned? No contact? Hell she'd be filling out missing person's reports? Let her stew for a couple of months. My guess, is that by then she would be very positively motivated! She'd be with OM alright? His name would be "Mr. Reality!":mad:
Gunny376 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 That's the reason we have these things called Judges Courts Restraining Orders Police Officers Liz! I'd like for some woman to try and pull that kind of trash with me! Its ON! You want crazy! I'll show your azz CRAZY!!!!!! :mad: :mad: I'd would have loved the resturant scene! Nothing BUT a good time!
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 That's the reason we have these things called Judges Courts Restraining Orders Police Officers Liz! I'd like for some woman to try and pull that kind of trash with me! Its ON! You want crazy! I'll show your azz CRAZY!!!!!! :mad: :mad: I'd would have loved the resturant scene! Nothing BUT a good time! What do I have to do with this????
T L Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 I am new to LS and going through my own problems at the mo, but.... Would you think about individual counselling if your wife did not want to go? It may not be for everybody but it may help you make a difficult decision or at least see the situation from different points of view, it may help to step back, becauseI know it is hard looking atsomething objectively when you are in the middle of it and you obviously care about the person and there are all sorts of confused emotions. Do you think you can put up with feeling like this, whether she actually is having an affair or not? I did for a year, because I still loved my partner and hoped it wasnt the case, but is was horrible putting up with feeling like that. If you do make a decision though I dont think it should be affected by worrying about what she could do to make things difficult, as other posters have said that is what the law is for, just have your wits about you and dont let yourself get in a situation were she could accuse you of anything.
Trimmer Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 What do I have to do with this???? It was your example of how crazy an ex can be that Gunny was responding to.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 14, 2007 Posted October 14, 2007 At this point I think that I have made up my mind to get a divorce, however I'm wondering what can she do to make my life miserable. I understand the financial aspects, but it's the emotional aspects that I'm concerned with. Well, it depends on the laws where you reside...She can drag things out for years by not agreeing and even keep taking you back to court...But that's a big "if"... She can get alimony for 1/2 the time you've been married or for life if it's over 10 years in the state I'm in... But mostly, someone can only make your life miserable if you let them...
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