Author T L Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 Update: Legal separation agreement was signed this week!!! Still have to wait 3 months before divorce can be filed, then it could take up to 8 months if not contested (and I would have to state adultery as the reason so it may be contested), so looks like it could take a year from this moment to be finalised. Have been reading where people say you should not divorce until you no longer feel emotion etc (ie could sit in a room with X and not want to throttle them -<joking>), I dont know whether to wait for that point or just file ASAP to try to keep moving on. I could be waiting a long time before I completely feel at peace with it all, should that be the point when I file?
sumdude Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Update: Legal separation agreement was signed this week!!! Still have to wait 3 months before divorce can be filed, then it could take up to 8 months if not contested (and I would have to state adultery as the reason so it may be contested), so looks like it could take a year from this moment to be finalised. Have been reading where people say you should not divorce until you no longer feel emotion etc (ie could sit in a room with X and not want to throttle them -<joking>), I dont know whether to wait for that point or just file ASAP to try to keep moving on. I could be waiting a long time before I completely feel at peace with it all, should that be the point when I file? Personally I did it the first day it was possible. I filed six months and one day from the date of separation which was the waiting period in my state. Yeah I was still hurting, angry etc. but it had to be done. No point in dragging that dead horse around any longer than necessary. You just have to work that much harder to keep ewmotions out of decision making when it comes to money, property and children. That's where it gets mixed up. Also where the lawyers make the $$.
so_sad Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Oh TL, I just read this whole thread and I am so sorry about your situation. So many things reminded me of my own story - from the warning signs (the text message/email thing happened to me also - I too chose to stay in the relationship and try to deal with it) to the heartbreaking feelings about losing your relationship with your in-laws. Like you, I am in my mid-30s and ALL my friends are married or engaged, and many have kids. I do NOT want to start dating again - like you, I hated it the first time round so I'm not pleased about having to do it again. But, like you said, my experience has really made me value marriage and realize that I definitely do want to share my life with someone. It is a terrible irony how this kind of heartbreak can make you realize that you do want to be in a great relationship. I would not presume to give you advice about the actual logistics about the divorce, because only you know when you will be ready to do that. It sounds like you have been very brave and smart throughout this whole ordeal, so I'm sure you will make the right decision. In the meantime, know that you are not the only one going through these kinds of things. In fact, reading your posts feels like you've read my mind! Take care.
Author T L Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 Oh TL, I just read this whole thread and I am so sorry about your situation. So many things reminded me of my own story - from the warning signs (the text message/email thing happened to me also - I too chose to stay in the relationship and try to deal with it) to the heartbreaking feelings about losing your relationship with your in-laws. Like you, I am in my mid-30s and ALL my friends are married or engaged, and many have kids. I do NOT want to start dating again - like you, I hated it the first time round so I'm not pleased about having to do it again. But, like you said, my experience has really made me value marriage and realize that I definitely do want to share my life with someone. It is a terrible irony how this kind of heartbreak can make you realize that you do want to be in a great relationship. I would not presume to give you advice about the actual logistics about the divorce, because only you know when you will be ready to do that. It sounds like you have been very brave and smart throughout this whole ordeal, so I'm sure you will make the right decision. In the meantime, know that you are not the only one going through these kinds of things. In fact, reading your posts feels like you've read my mind! Take care. So sad, thanks for your post and I am sorry to hear of what you have been going through. Have a great 2008.
Author T L Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Even the slightest contact with the STBX, an e-mail received to arrange some financial stuff, reopens the wounds, should be no need for any further contact once the house transfer is completed, which will be soon I hope. For a long time after the split I didnt really feel much anger, the councellor I have been seeing kept asking if I felt anger, I kept saying yeah a bit.......when it did start coming out before Xmas it was scary stuff, ive never experienced anything like it. The X asked me why I wasnt yelling at her when she left (I am normally quite a calm person anyway), I said 'because it wouldnt make a difference', she said 'yeah but it would make it easier for me (her) to leave'....I do really feel like yelling at her now...guess I missed my chance. I have been going to the gym a lot.....got some boxing gloves for the punch bags, but the boxing seemed to make the aggression worse, just kept imagining the bag was that guys head, so have stopped that, and just HIT the weights instead . The anger is still coming out, the afformentioned e-mail had me shouting at the computer screen....better out than in i guess.
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