Touche Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 This has been a fascinating topic but I'm tired and going to bed..just wanted to respond to this: It's unusual to really have to sever a friendship, I'd say even in the case of divorce. Maybe you end up only hanging out with one or the other person, but you don't explicitly drop the other do you? Maybe over time your lives grow apart, which I think everyone understands. But it's still a friendship, right? It really all depends on how you define what makes up a friendship, doesn't it? And no, I really don't think it's unusual to have to sever a relationship in such a case. I really don't. It's quite common, as stated, in the case of divorcing couples. It really is.
Author johan Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Betrayals, big and small happen in ANY relationship. I don't care how close the relationship is or isn't. It's just human nature..part of the human condition. I agree that we have to just accept that. We can choose to look at the whole person and decide if they're basically just a bad person. Or we can look at the person in question and ask whether the betrayal was an anomaly and they're generally a good person. At that point, we can decide to forgive and go on or hold a grudge and be bitter. I don't know a relationship in the world where there isn't some kind of betrayal in one form or another...big or small. We can only decide for ourselves what we're willing to forgive and what we're not. These are all facts that can't be disputed. Little betrayals can even be overlooked. Do you classify this as a little one? Would you agree that it's easier to forgive when you're asked to by someone who really cares about it. Why forgive if the person doesn't even care that they ever hurt you? How could you forgive that? Did you ask your former friend for forgiveness, or is that a concern to you?
Trialbyfire Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 What? Where did I ever mention MY friend? Whether I've been betrayed or not is not part of the topic. I started it to explore some of Touche's statements, and she willingly participated. I think she explained herself pretty well. I still question her judgment, because I don't get how this was a choice she had to make. As if there were external forces at work that forced this. But it doesn't seem like that's really true. I get the impression her motivation was more internal. As far as how seriously I take life, I'd also have to say that that's not really part of this topic either. I appreciate the advice though. Denial is not the better part of valour... I agree that Touche explained herself extremely well.
Touche Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 These are all facts that can't be disputed. Little betrayals can even be overlooked. Do you classify this as a little one? Would you agree that it's easier to forgive when you're asked to by someone who really cares about it. Why forgive if the person doesn't even care that they ever hurt you? How could you forgive that? Did you ask your former friend for forgiveness, or is that a concern to you? Yes, it was a betrayal. I acknowledge that. As to the degree of the betrayal, only the betrayed can truly say. I'm not in a position to say. Yes, I'd agree that it's easier to forgive when it's asked by someone who really cares...of course. How do you know the other person doesn't care? Don't assume. And no, I didn't ask the other person for forgiveness...I thought it would have been hypocritical on my part. What good would it have served? I did what I did and I was prepared to pay the consequences. I didn't expect forgiveness. Frankly, I didn't think I deserved it. Anyway, you absolved me for my friend, right? Have to go to bed now. Night all!
Author johan Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 I'd forgive you. Friendships are not that easy to make go away. I doubt a true friend would put you in a position to make you feel your loyalty would be torn. A true friend would understand the position you were in and would never require you to choose. But if the person has no idea you even cared, then all they can do is hate you. How could you have preferred to be hated?
Touche Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I'd forgive you. Friendships are not that easy to make go away. I doubt a true friend would put you in a position to make you feel your loyalty would be torn. A true friend would understand the position you were in and would never require you to choose. But if the person has no idea you even cared, then all they can do is hate you. How could you have preferred to be hated? Well that's nice of you. I would hope my friend would forgive me. And maybe I should have discussed it with my friend before just making the unilateral decision to sever the friendship. So that was another mistake I made in all of this. As for your last question, I guess I never thought of it that way. I didn't really think my friend cared that much about me beyond just what I could do do for him, which was to be his sounding board. And I didn't think losing his sounding board would really make him hate me. Interesting take on it....
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