sedgwick Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Okay, because I'm having a crap day and all I want to do is call my ex and talk to him, I've decided to talk to all of you instead. What do you feel are your three greatest strengths as a partner? Your three greatest weaknesses? Based on your relationship that just ended, what have you learned about what you MUST HAVE in a partner that you didn't have with this one? My answers: My greatest strengths are my compassion, my drive in life, and the fact that when I love, I love completely and joyfully. (Also: the fact that I want sex all the time! ) My greatest weaknesses are negative body image, self-centeredness, and financial irresponsibility. (Ouch, that hurts to say, but it's true. I have a major tendency to get wrapped up in my own problems -- especially concerning money.) What I learned from the relationship that just ended is that I need someone who is in town more than they're out of town, someone who isn't so obsessed with something else that I always come second, someone romantic, and, last but certainly not least, someone who wears deodorant. Please respond, I'm up stressing out instead of going to bed and I need something to read. Oh yeah, and please share the coping tip that has worked the best for you so far! Besides exercise (which is kind of a given), it's been to run away. Literally. To go to another country for a month and a half, alone, and prove to myself that I can handle it. For the first 6 weeks after the breakup, my major coping skill was smoking Snoop Dogg levels of weed, and I'm glad I'm not using that one so much anymore.
AriaIncognito Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 hmm this is a tough one. My 3 positive things: 1.) when i love someone I'm very open and affectionate and loving towards them 2.) i'm able to take care of myself and I know that each person needs and deserves time on their own 3.) i'm intelligent as well as creative and i feel that i could make a good 'best friend' to a mate and a good person to spend a lot of time with My 3 negative things: 1.) definitely without a doubt number 1 is my self image 2.) I have some weird eating habits (lack of diversity in diet maybe lol) 3.) i'm currently afraid i'll never trust someone to fall in love due to my last relationship -- hopefully this wont be an issue but i've not met anyone to know for sure. provided 3 isn't a factor then i'd say my last one would be that i have a hard time sleeping with a snorer so i might have a hard time depending on the guy lol it's hard to do that exercise. ouch.
niceguy27 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Strengths: When I Love Its All The Way; Emotionally And Sexually I Know My Feelings And Can Express Them Easily And Honestly See And Love The Person For Who They Are And Not Who I Want Them To Be...that Make Sense? Weakness I Am Very Very Sexual And Want It A Lot. That Causes Friction Sometimes Because Its Not Always Reciprocated Hard For Me To Accept Change Let My Emotions Blind Me In A Situation My Best Way Of Coping...i Shut Down For About A Week When We Broke Up. Completely Broke Down. The Best Therapy Has Been To Let It Out When I Get Upset And Not Deny That I Am Hurting. I Also Prayed All The Time. I Dont Know How, But I Think That Has Somehow Helped Me. Plus The Fact That I Listened To My Heart Along With Some Deep Thinking And Expressed To Her How I Felt In Order To Accept Its Over Gives Me Inner R Peace. Of Course I Just Did That Yesterday So Really My Coping Starts Now. Ive Had A Month Or So To Prepare...getting New Routines Started Like Working Out And Seeing Old Friends.
niceguy27 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Sorry Im On My Pda So The Punctuation Is A Little Sloppy.
carrotgirl Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 What I learned I really do have to be at least as considerate of my lover as I want him to be of me which means giving what he wants and needs to have and not giving what I want FOR him to have. No matter how nicely and genuinely it's intended, giving, supporting or helping or just offering can be perceived as saying, I can do this and you can't. I can do it better, faster, smarter, whatever than you. I already have this so you can't give it to me. You're not good enough for me the way you are. I say it, and mean it when I say it, that people are individuals and one size doesn't fit all but I still want things my way and that isn't very attractive. Weaknesses I have no barrier mechanism, I tend to jump in. I forget to care for myself when I care for others. I have almost no desire to further my academic education. Strengths I like the person I am. I am resilient and strong. I have integrity. Carrot
lindya Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Three good things 1. loyal 2. flexible (so long as I keep up the stretching exercises) 3. supportive Three bad things 1. Like to live on the edge by occasionally forgetting to take my medication. 2. Steadfastly refuse to swallow unless you first agree to spend one month consuming nothing but pure mango juice and chocolate 3. Will make a "hair doll" of you and stick pins in it on a nightly basis when you dump me
Author sedgwick Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Oh my god, Lindya, that's the funniest thing I've read all day. Thanks for that.
Lizzie60 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 This is hard because our strengths and weaknesses change all through our life... What were my weaknesses with I was younger could be my strength now... so here it is... at 55 : Strengths: intelligent with a good sense of humour... always in a good mood... sexually talented... very generous with my time, my energy and my money for the ones I love. Weaknesses: I wish I was more 'domesticated' (I hate to cook).... wish I were more 'social'... I have a hard time with my body image (I know this sounds weird but I do)... I hate to look at myself in the mirror... very insecure for that matter...
nittygritty Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Three good things 1. loyal 2. flexible (so long as I keep up the stretching exercises) 3. supportive Three bad things 1. Like to live on the edge by occasionally forgetting to take my medication. 2. Steadfastly refuse to swallow unless you first agree to spend one month consuming nothing but pure mango juice and chocolate 3. Will make a "hair doll" of you and stick pins in it on a nightly basis when you dump me That was hilarious! :lmao: If it was an honest assessment than my sincere apologies for laughing.
lindya Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 That was hilarious! :lmao: If it was an honest assessment than my sincere apologies for laughing. Saving up enough hair to make a doll of it is no laughing matter. Especially not the kind of hair I'm talking about. Stick those pins where it really hurts is the motto I live by.
Trialbyfire Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Saving up enough hair to make a doll of it is no laughing matter. Especially not the kind of hair I'm talking about. Stick those pins where it really hurts is the motto I live by. A man has two brains. Your choice which one the pins go into...
lindya Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 A man has two brains. Your choice which one the pins go into... Woggle might correct me if I'm wrong here, but I feel that Kathleen Turner's character in The Man With Two Brains is really the ideal role model for any woman wanting to be the perfect wife/girlfriend.
birdie Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 1. Like to live on the edge by occasionally forgetting to take my medication. 2. Steadfastly refuse to swallow unless you first agree to spend one month consuming nothing but pure mango juice and chocolate 3. Will make a "hair doll" of you and stick pins in it on a nightly basis when you dump me was going to type up a serious reply but it is impossible after this one
nittygritty Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 was going to type up a serious reply but it is impossible after this one All that I can say is that I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough...No, thats that sappy James Ingram song I heard on the radio yesterday. I just don't think that I'm up for an honest assessment of myself today.
Trialbyfire Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Woggle might correct me if I'm wrong here, but I feel that Kathleen Turner's character in The Man With Two Brains is really the ideal role model for any woman wanting to be the perfect wife/girlfriend. I had to google it, since I've never watched the movie. The only thing woggle would agree with is that most women are patterned after Turner's character. As for ideal mate, there's only one woman who rates the pedestal. Beware the Ides of March I warn, to the woman on the pedestal...
lindya Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 was going to type up a serious reply but it is impossible after this one Sorry. I don't want to spoil sedgwick's thread. I'll type three serious things. 1. Taste in music which tends to be incompatible with male tastes 2. A tendency to whine and seek sympathy 3. Oversensitive
birdie Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 alright, I'll take it seriously too main weaknesses: 1. being impulsive and flying off the handle occasionally 2. tendency to be a bit too reserved from time to time 3. judgmental main strengths: 1. empathy 2. consciously improved communication skills 3. general ability to figure people out and give them a chance
birdie Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 oh yeah, the most important things I expect from a partner is for him to have the ability to be able to discuss and want to resolve pretty much anything, be supportive from time to time and honest. that's about it
melodymatters Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Hmmm The goodies : 1) very warm and nurturing, like to cook for you, take care of you, buy you little surprises for no reason 2) I'm really mellow about most relationship issues : don't put down the toilet seat, go to a strip club, unless it's affecting my life negatively, do what you want. 3) I rarely say no to sex. I always just figure that if i'm not in the mood that second, give me a minute and I'll GET into it ! The baddies : 1) I tend to be jealous of ex's. Never any current girls, but that you might have shared a "greater passion" with HER. 2) I'm messy, Great cook, lousy housekeeper. 3)I probably love my dogs too much and you will get sick of them their hair, them trying to sleep with us, etc. Hey, I'm not bad ! Too bad I haven't met anybody who sparks my interest lately !
RecordProducer Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 What I learned from the relationship that just ended is that I need someone who is in town more than they're out of town, someone who isn't so obsessed with something else that I always come second, someone romantic, and, last but certainly not least, someone who wears deodorant. Sounds to me like the guy simply didn't love you as much as you loved him. May I guess some thing? You are a sensual person who loves to enjoy herself, you don't like abstract conversations, you're down-to-earth and romance is presented with physical pleasures and nice gestures. You care about romance a lot and you need to touch and be touched a lot. You are very cheerful and love veriety. OK, I'll stop here, but let me know if you want to hear more.
AriaIncognito Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Weaknesses I have no barrier mechanism, I tend to jump in. I forget to care for myself when I care for others. I totally have those weaknesses too. When I fall, I fall hard, and sometimes forget to protect myself, and sometimes I put them before I put myself (as evidenced by my last ex)
MattyTee Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 Ooo, this sounds fun: Strengths 1. Romantic and thoughtful - I love making little gestures. 2. I love with all my heart (no holding back) 3. Caring and supportive - I'll always try and give someone what they need Weaknesses 1. Low self-esteem (which has knock on negatives like jealousy) 2. Very little experience in communication within a relationship 3. I can lose myself: I tend to lose focus on myself and things I need to work on From my previous relationship I've learned that communication skills are of paramount importance. I've started learning myself and I would want to be with someone that could be open and honest with me too. I would expect someone to be able to work at any problems rather than just running away and finding someone else At first I coped just by going on to auto-pilot - time to brush teeth, now walk to shower, wash etc. Now I focus on bettering myself in every way I can. I exercise a lot, read a lot (mostly self-help books), I've started counselling. Writing a journal every day has helped a lot. Still have the ups and downs though
Author sedgwick Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 Birdie: consciously improving one's communication skills is no small thing. Oh how I wish my ex had done the same!! Recordproducer: you are absolutely right on all counts -- about me and about him. And believe me, I beat myself up every day for not being as good as he is, because if I were, maybe he could have loved me like I loved him. I know that's illogical, but it's been in my head pretty much every second of every day since July...
Double D Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Weakness 1) Took my ex for granted. 2) Wanted sex too much, so I like having sex with someone Im physically and emotionally attracted too but I think that may of been a factor for her. Thinking I was only interested in sex. 3) Maybe too serious for her. Im can be quite an intense person, who over analyses stuff too much. She prefered more to have a laugh. Strengths 1) Like a few others. When Im with someone im totally open with them, maybe too open. Still think that is a good trait but yeah got to watch your own back as well. 2) Good communication skills. Being able to talk honestly about anything and everything. 3) Romantic, understanding and thoughtful (putting them under one heading. Next time i would want someone who can show me the same love and passion I show them. Someone who knows what their what and have experienced life and someone who loves sex too - Oh Yeah!
Recommended Posts