Mylife Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 I am 18, he is 20 we went out for about 3 months after we had been best...like really best best friends for like 7 months...then we started liking eachother. Soo..at first all great, all beautiful, he was romantic it was all nice. After that i really dont know what happend, just he was less and less romantic, we both started school (after the summer when we started dating)...so had lesser time to meet and all and all. Then he finally told his parents about me few days back, (who are living half way across the world and sent him here to study and are spending all that money on him for it...and i live with my parents). And, they didnt approve of him having a gf...(first relationship for both of us). My parent knew from the first day, and they didnt approve either, yet I convinced them i am happy and it is what i wanted. He didnt seem to be able to do that. Well things just got worse and he hadnt told me about this so i didnt even know what was bothering him. Finallly I got it out of him, and he said he wanted to end because he saw no future...tears tears and more tears...we ended it at give it more time and we'll see what comes of it, as in do not take a hasty decision, all tht happened on thursday. We didnt talk about it all weekend just general talk and i tried to put in an effort to make it work yet he seemed to put in none. Phone convos were abrupt and weird...and i just didnt know what to do. Finally wednesday...got sick of it...got sick of running after him...and gave him a long speech on the phone of if he wants to end it...i am not going to be the one to stop him. When i said all that, i shocked myself with my strength...i am a very veryyyyyy sensitive and emotional kinda girl...verry...so i said all that...and he was pretty upset too...cuz we still did love eachother...but things just didnt seem to be working out on a number of levels. We were best friends b4, we decided to be best friends now. But that strength just didnt seem to last long.....now i am upset...and sad...and crying like anything about losing him. Soo many things remind me of him, but i just cant get myself to throw them out because we r still friends and i do want to be. But rite now...as "friends"...all of today...i hve been the only one that has called, i realised that and stopped...i called twice tday and he hasnt called once...and now i didnt call and he didnt call...it has been 8 hours almost now..and i miss him sooo much...and i jsut dont know what to do...its been about...2 days since i said my whole speech...and i dnt know if i did the right thing...or if i should have waited and delt with the madness a bit more and waited for it to settle down by itself...all i know right now is that i miss him...and want to be in his arms right now...PLEASE HELP ME...
Author Mylife Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 no one really has anything at all to say to help me out??...i really dnt know what to do...i want to talk...but i dnt know if i should...and the last thing i want is to break down to him or to cry to him...i dunno wht to do....
niceguy27 Posted October 13, 2007 Posted October 13, 2007 The First Thing You Should Probably Do Is Just Take Acouple Days To Get Yourself Together...talk To Some Friends Or Family To Get It Off Your Chest. After That And After You Think Youve Built Up Your Strength, Then Get In Touch With Him And Sit Face To Face To Talk. Communiation Is So Important. Keepin Mind That If You Push Too Hard He Will Pull Further Away. Thus The Need To Take Some Time Off To Gather Yourself. Everyone Here Has Experienced Some Type Of Loss So We All Feel For Ya. Just Keep Your Head High
Author Mylife Posted October 13, 2007 Author Posted October 13, 2007 The strength building time...should i keep no contact with him at all??...i dunno if i can do that......and the "face to face and talk"...i dunt even know wht to talk about...like...is there anything left...in the relationship..can it possibly come back..and go further then???... and u think that if i try to hard...he will pull further away?...will that really be the case?
Author Mylife Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 plz help me...i dunno wht to do anymore...i just seem to break down everyday...and just cry...me and him talk like for 5 min per day now..anb 4 its was like we talked for 5 hrs per conversations...obv that was when we were together...now we r trying to be friends...and this is how it is...but its soooo hard to take that its over...and that nothing can happen about it...i dunno wht else to do other than to cry......how do i cope??
wizer Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 You're an emotional wreck, and things are not going to improve for you any time soon. It's a slow process and you have to start with small steps that will eventually take you where you need to be. First of all, stop beating yourself up over "the speech". He was already gone, at least as your BF, possibly from the pressure of his parents. Who knows why, it really doesn't matter, it's over. Unfortunately, you cannot be friends right now. There is way too much pain right now. You need to cut contact with him. Completely. For at least a month, probably more. The little bit of short term relief that you seem to get from talking to him is causing you much more long term pain. You need to think long term. You can, and you will feel better. But you have to deal with the loss, and start working your way from shock and denial to acceptance. Then you will start to heal, and feel better. Besides going no contact, try to keep busy, with friends, exercise, going for walks, watching movies. Anything that keeps your mind somewhat occupied. Fight the urge to give into the emotional pain by pulling the blankets over your head. That won't get you anywhere.
alwayshurt Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Hi Darling, unfortunately NOBODY can help you with that. You need to find the strenght within yourself, get back to your feet and move on. Remember: there is nothing you can do to control other's feeling or actions, but you can definetely control yours. Just be happy that this episode happened to you now that you're so young. It is an experience that will stay with you and with many other to come you will grow up a wise and strong woman. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Just deal with your emotions and stay far from this fellas. As many hve said in this forum NC is the best way to go and does wonders. He needs to miss you no to be pushed. The letter will only push him further away from you. Don't show weakness by begging him. Show him that you are mature and strong...and better off without him. This attitude creates attraction; the opposite is the killer of attraction and the more he sees that the more he will become not interest to you. Nothing is guaranteed, but if he loves you he will come back, if he doesn't you have saved yourself lots of pain and, above all, your dignity. Be strong...time heal all wounds and before you know it it will be behind you. Trust me. Stick in this forum and post whenever you feel down. It helps a lot.
Author Mylife Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 Thanks so much for the reply...it really did help...seriouslly ... And I think that perhaps u are all right...mebbe i should cut the contact...i havent called him all day tday...and i am a bit sad...but i think that i am arite...kinda...well he msged online tday to ask wat was up and stuff...but other than that...havent been the one to talk tday...soo some progress is better than nothingg...i guess i will jsut have to try and continue doing that...and in the end hope for the best ...
Author Mylife Posted October 15, 2007 Author Posted October 15, 2007 Just one...i dunno y i feel..and am scared...that i may not find anyone else for a long time...because i had my first relationship at 18...kinda late...soo now i just feel scared of being alone for a really reallllly long time mebbe...that no one will be interested in me...or that i wont find anyone......that kinda makes me sad for my loss too:(
alwayshurt Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 It is pretty normal. You are going through an emotional break down and you feel depresses. Depression from brokenheart is the most common depression out there but also the one the goes away once you have moved on. Your brain is telling you that you're in love with your ex and does not allow you to see clearly. Keep NC. It'll give you the time to think about yourself and discover things within you you didn't know they existed. You will get stronger and ready for a new challenge. Don't get discourage. Who knows...it maybe the same guy you are suffering from or somebody else. But definetely you will be in love again and be fine. Hang in there.
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