Pentula77 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 One chance per girl per lifetime... Don't take her back this time for **** sake. When she calls all she's going to get from your end is the sound of eternity. Period. Dude have some self respect and become a sparten. It's much more fun. When she asks what you did with the ring say "honey, I took it down to cash coverters" Tough love !
Kerewin Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 As a rape survivor, I applaud you for sticking by her. HOWEVER, you are NOT obligated to let her call all the shots or wallow forever. She needs more help than you can give and she needs support to heal, but she also needs to be CHALLENGED to heal. There's a line from a Bruce Cockburn song that says it better than I ever could: "You gotta kick the darkness until it bleeds daylight".
WaterTiger Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 The only thing you have to kick is her ass to the curb! How dare she pull this crap after 6 years! Let her come home and find her stuff in a box on the lawn. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS!
jophil28 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Guys when you hear or get any of this bs it's time to get tough... We've lost the spark I need space LJBF's I love you but I'm not in love with you Can we take a break I'm not sure if I have the same feelings as before I need some time There is this guy at work who's flirting with me but it is nothing (why bring it up ?) or Lack of intimacy in the relationship from her side Lack of respect for your time (e.g cancelled dates) I'm sure there are others... If they're not treating u with respect shes out. Don't be her doormat or stepping stone. Tough love ! One girl gets one chance in one lifetime .At the first sign of disrespect by a woman -she is GONE.
jophil28 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 Here is an update on the situation: She went to an all-day party today and asked that I not go so she could have some "space". **** There is your first RED FLAG . Are you suspicious dude ? She told me she would be back around 6'ish. She finally calls me at 9:45. **** There is your second RED FLAG -this time it includes disrespect ... and then she acts like it's no big deal. She's like,"Well, we were having fun and I didn't want to talk." **** There is your second diss and by now the bells are ringing ! She says that she thinks this is one of our "problems", that we should just let life do what it does and not worry about where the other one is, or what has happened to them. **** THe fourth example of selfish and humiliating behavior on her part. She is telling you that she wants to do exactly as she pleases, and not be accountable to you. The bells are ringing louder. She then tells me that I'm not capable of understanding her anymore, and that she now has clarity in her life. **** she is trying to blame shift ( a popular female shaming tactic when all else fails ) She is now saying that you are insensitive, dense and uncaring. She says she has had a dramatic change in her life, and she can't explain it, and that I am going to just have to accept the new "her". **** THis is Womanese for , "I have met somone else who makes me FEEL all fuzzy. I do not know how to tell you that i have cheated coz I am gutless ." NOW the bells are A'CLANGING ! She says that she was never truly happy with me. That she thinks she "created our romance" in her head so that she didn't have to deal with how depressing our relationship really was. **** MORE Womanese for ," You were OK until I wanted someone else. Now go away " She said she was just "settling" for me because she was scared to go after what she really wants. She says she's been depressed ever since we moved in together and she thinks that my personality has been "draining the life out of her." **** MORE mindless female dishonesty - she is hoping now that you will walk away all hurt and the relationship will just fizzle out fade away . WTF??? I just... I don't even know what to say. 6 years and she "created the romance in her head"? I love her... I've never felt as passionate about anything as much as I have about her... and I've done so much for her. I just can't believe that it's all been a lie... She's the one person I trust in this world and now... I don't even know. And to wrap it up... She left the engagement ring on my desk this morning, and she told me earlier on the phone she's moving in with her mom on Tuesday. With how things have gone today... I don't think we have a relationship to work on anymore. We haven't officially broken up yet, but I think that will happen tomorrow... (she told me on the phone that she was frustrated with talking to me since I didn't understand her new outlook on life, and asked that we "continue this" in the morning) *** YOU need to man up now. You invested 6 years in a dud. WALK away NOW with the balance of your dignity intact. That is all. Stay strong .. . Jophil out .
Author jhend2887 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 We had dinner together tonight, and went back to my place to talk. She started crying and held me, and told me she was so sorry she'd hurt me. She said she doesn't know what happened but she just honestly doesn't feel the same way about me anymore and she doesn't think we can ever make it work. We cried and held each other for about an hour... She told me that I've been the greatest thing to ever happen in her life and that I've helped her so much. So told me she was sorry again then we kissed. After that she left and told me she would call me sometime to make sure I was okay... and that in a few weeks or months we should get together and work on being friends. So I guess that's the end of that... I just can't believe it. The same girl I was going to marry two weeks ago walked out of my life today. Please tell me the pain goes away?
jophil28 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 We had dinner together tonight, and went back to my place to talk. She started crying and held me, and told me she was so sorry she'd hurt me. She said she doesn't know what happened but she just honestly doesn't feel the same way about me anymore and she doesn't think we can ever make it work. We cried and held each other for about an hour... She told me that I've been the greatest thing to ever happen in her life and that I've helped her so much. So told me she was sorry again then we kissed. After that she left and told me she would call me sometime to make sure I was okay... and that in a few weeks or months we should get together and work on being friends. So I guess that's the end of that... I just can't believe it. The same girl I was going to marry two weeks ago walked out of my life today. Please tell me the pain goes away? Look - this is the way it is. Women are nuts. They never "get" reality. THey just experience an endless shifting of emotions. If you trigger exciting feelings in them they stay -if you do not they cheat or LJBF you. Tough break man - just go get another - you will feel better real soon.
Author jhend2887 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 Look - this is the way it is. Women are nuts. They never "get" reality. THey just experience an endless shifting of emotions. If you trigger exciting feelings in them they stay -if you do not they cheat or LJBF you. Tough break man - just go get another - you will feel better real soon. I think you're dead on the money. I know this girl who has wanted to have sex with me for months now, I think I'll give her a call and bury my woes in some girls cleavage.
spookie Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 My ex pulled the same kind of crap when we were breaking up. On Sunday he told me he wanted to get engaged and spend the rest of his life with me. By Wednesday his tune had changed to "you suck the life out of me". He broke up with me in a very cruel fashion citing how my personality had "held him back" and depressed him for ages and how I'd never really understood him. And that was it. It's been 7 months and I'm still reeling from he shock that someone you love so much can do a 180 on you in such a short period of time, that you never see it coming and that they can be so sure about it all, after everything. It's sad, but to be honest I think yours iand mine are hopeless situations. Whether or not she's damaged from her rape, emotionally unstable, or just plain immature, it doesn't matter. You can't have a relationship with someone by yourself. And you deserve more than a mindfk. Let her go, start moving on. Read the threads in the Breaking Up and Coping sections- there's lots of info and support there. Good luck - in time you will heal.
spookie Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 And I wanted to add - I think it's silly how some threads turn into men vs. women. Yes, SOME women are nutjobs, but so are some men and just because someone's gf did something crappy doesn't mean she was motivated by her gender, or that men haven't done the same.
Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Just be glad she did this before you two married. Some women pull this crap after the marriage when there are kids involved so the kids have to grow up in a broken home because mommy has issues. Be glad that she showed you the real her before taking the plunge. Consider yourself lucky.
Author jhend2887 Posted October 16, 2007 Author Posted October 16, 2007 And I wanted to add - I think it's silly how some threads turn into men vs. women. Yes, SOME women are nutjobs, but so are some men and just because someone's gf did something crappy doesn't mean she was motivated by her gender, or that men haven't done the same. Yeah, you're right. It just seems like all the girls who AREN'T crazy are already taken. And normally by guys who treat them like ****.
jcster Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Look - this is the way it is. Women are nuts. They never "get" reality. THey just experience an endless shifting of emotions. If you trigger exciting feelings in them they stay -if you do not they cheat or LJBF you. Tough break man - just go get another - you will feel better real soon. Another what......pump from the bottle of lotion? Guess what? We women are all you got, so unless you like beef jerky, you better learn to get along.
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