shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 She hated men and used me as her punching to take out her anger towards the male gender. Given that she was abusive, don't you see how this may have really distorted your perception of women?
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Thanks, but I think it's my problem more than anything. I haven't been able to reach orgasm even on my own. I'm still fairly young, though, so I guess I have time. That's a bit odd, I'd think. So you've never had an orgasm? How would you know, if you've don't know what it feels like? I mean it's not like us boys where you have a clear indicator of orgasm.
Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Given that she was abusive, don't you see how this may have really distorted your perception of women? Somewhat but as you see on this thread so many men feel the same way so we aren't making this up.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Given that she was abusive, don't you see how this may have really distorted your perception of women? His perception isn't distorted
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Somewhat but as you see on this thread so many men feel the same way so we aren't making this up. maybe they have also had the unfortunate experience of encountering abusive/nasty women...it doesn't mean all women are like that, just that some are and some men have the bad luck to encounter them. I'm sure if I had an abusive father I would probably hate men as well. Have you ever been in therapy to deal with your anger-related issues? It might be worthwhile.
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Given that she was abusive, don't you see how this may have really distorted your perception of women? Biased sure, distorted no. His perception is based on his experiences, I'm sure he's encounters many more women than just his mother. My mother was a selfish and chose her men over me, I don't propagate that or think all women act this way... the majority I've encountered are selfish though.
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Biased sure, distorted no. His perception is based on his experiences, I'm sure he's encounters many more women than just his mother. My mother was a selfish and chose her men over me, I don't propagate that or think all women act this way... the majority I've encountered are selfish though. I think the majority of people period are selfish, not just women. My experience has been that 80-90% of people aren't very decent and you always have to do a lot of weeding to find the good ones.
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 That's a bit odd, I'd think. So you've never had an orgasm? How would you know, if you've don't know what it feels like? I mean it's not like us boys where you have a clear indicator of orgasm. But you know when you come, right? I mean, you don't have to actually see the come to know. I've been close but I'm pretty sure I've never orgasmed because I've never had that sense of release. It just builds up and builds up and then kind of plateaus. The tension is never relieved.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 If you live in a community with a lot of immigrants you will see the difference in women and relationships between men and women compared to how a lot of American women deal with things. Where I live there are a lot of Eastern Europeans that come here to work during the summer and the women are beautiful and have great personalities to match. Sure some American women might call these women doormats but at least they don't chase after players and MM. They actually know how to appreciate a good man but would never put up with being mistreated. My wife has traveled all over the world and finds American culture empty and soulless so maybe that is why she is so different from your average western woman. Gasp...! For once, I actually sort of see where you're coming from. I hate generalizing...but I've found certain "trends" to be true. I mentioned this in another thread...but I'll repeat it here. There's something to be said about the Western way of thinking about "I" and "me" - the individualist way of thinking. I find certain cultures adhere to a more collective sense of self - that is, they belong to a community, a family, a partnership. It's why certain communities value marriage as much as they do. And that's where the problem lies I think. You get one SO who thinks along the collective line and the other thinking along the individualist line. Western culture or media is saturated with silly notions of romance and love. We are told over and over again that something as sacred and final as marriage is in fact disposable. That it something one can enter into lightly and leave at the drop of a hat. That if you're unhappy, JUST LEAVE!
Mustang Sally Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Somewhat but as you see on this thread so many men feel the same way so we aren't making this up. And many women feel unattracted to their SOs, so we aren't making it up, either, by that standard... Look. It's tempting to get into a shouting match over who's to blame for the given scenario: the men or the women. And I never meant to imply that my feelings for my H (or lack, thereof) are HIS fault. In fact, I find them to be completely MY fault. And I'm trying to figure out how to will them to change. I'm sad to see yet another thread go the way of the frequent gender wars here on LS. But I don't think it's that easy - to just assign blame to one gender or the other, based on stereotypical gender traits. And I'm sure that somewhere, there's some MAN who fell out of attraction for his WOMAN... I think usually, there are issues specific to the particular relationship in question, and the particular individuals in it. No one can know all the baggage between two people except those two people. It's silly to try to issue judgement on something that as a casual observer (of just ONE side of the story, mind you - my situation included) one can never fully understand. Ok. I feel better now that I got that out. Carry on. **Now back to our regular programming: Men vs Women and the Gender Stereotypes that We Hate about Each Other.**
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Gasp...! For once, I actually sort of see where you're coming from. I hate generalizing...but I've found certain "trends" to be true. I mentioned this in another thread...but I'll repeat it here. There's something to be said about the Western way of thinking about "I" and "me" - the individualist way of thinking. I find certain cultures adhere to a more collective sense of self - that is, they belong to a community, a family, a partnership. It's why certain communities value marriage as much as they do. And that's where the problem lies I think. You get one SO who thinks along the collective line and the other thinking along the individualist line. Western culture or media is saturated with silly notions of romance and love. We are told over and over again that something as sacred and final as marriage is in fact disposable. That it something one can enter into lightly and leave at the drop of a hat. That if you're unhappy, JUST LEAVE! Yeah, marriage is treated like it's one big one-night stand and the kids are souveneirs. And its true about the Wests selfishness. Everything is disposable if it doesn't excite you anymore. Thats why the elderly are treated like sh*t here
Ocean-Blue Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Yeah, marriage is treated like it's one big one-night stand and the kids are souveneirs. And its true about the Wests selfishness. Everything is disposable if it doesn't excite you anymore. Thats why the elderly are treated like sh*t here I have to agree with you on that one. I used to volunteer at place that rec'd a lot of calls from the elderly. It broke my heart... Hearing the voice of old women sitting in their little rooms. The most they'd see their kids is on a holiday or birthday - tragic. Western notions of love and family are quite screwed, I think. I know people are going to not going to like hearing that...but from my personal experience, it is so very true. It's all "me! me! me!" When you start thinking like this, you lose the sense of community, loyalty and commitment. You get divorced cause you ain't feelin' it. You stick your old but healthy mother in a nursing home. You see your kids on the weekends cause you decided to screw your secretary. Sure these are exaggerations...but the point is, we as a culture, as a society have become so obsessed with SELF and ME that we no longer view interpersonal relationships as being something you are bound to - they are disposable and easily replaced. How very sad.
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 But you know when you come, right? I mean, you don't have to actually see the come to know. I've been close but I'm pretty sure I've never orgasmed because I've never had that sense of release. It just builds up and builds up and then kind of plateaus. The tension is never relieved. I was being facetious. My ex had issues with orgasming during sex in the first couple dozen times we were together, but eventually we figured it out and learned to get her off in a couple minutes (under the right conditions). You may need to relax a little and not focus too much on it or seek some help. It doesn't sound like a good thing. My ex was 18 when we first started going out, so not sure about the "I'm still young" thinking. Back on topic... yeah most people are selfish or at least self-serving. I call someone selfish when they're above and beyond the typical person. I think most people are decent to a degree, depends on the setting though... when it comes to business, money and/or relationships... watch your back. Otherwise, I think most people are fair enough. Then again, I don't usually associate with many people that aren't good friends or immediate family.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I can only speak for myself as one women. My physical attraction tends to manifest as a desire to snuggle, kiss, physically merge with another person I love...not always sex per se. Sex is very nice, but it's not the main attraction for me. Perhaps it's that I've never reached orgasm, but I think it's more than just that. Sex feels slightly less personal and intimate to me than other forms of physical affection. Maybe it's because I know that for guys sex isn't an emotional thing...if it was then the sex would feel more special to me. Interesting... that is true for me also. Which brings up an interesting question in regards to the original intent of the thread. When you say you are losing your physical attraction for your boyfriend... does that mean your libido has decreased or are you saying that you actually find him uglier?
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I have to agree with you on that one. I used to volunteer at place that rec'd a lot of calls from the elderly. It broke my heart... Hearing the voice of old women sitting in their little rooms. The most they'd see their kids is on a holiday or birthday - tragic. Western notions of love and family are quite screwed, I think. I know people are going to not going to like hearing that...but from my personal experience, it is so very true. It's all "me! me! me!" When you start thinking like this, you lose the sense of community, loyalty and commitment. You get divorced cause you ain't feelin' it. You stick your old but healthy mother in a nursing home. You see your kids on the weekends cause you decided to screw your secretary. Sure these are exaggerations...but the point is, we as a culture, as a society have become so obsessed with SELF and ME that we no longer view interpersonal relationships as being something you are bound to - they are disposable and easily replaced. How very sad. Well said.
directx Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 And many women feel unattractive to their SOs, so we aren't making it up, either, by that standard... Look. It's tempting to get into a shouting match over who's to blame for the given scenario: the men or the women. And I never meant to imply that my feelings for my H (or lack, thereof) are HIS fault. In fact, I find them to be completely MY fault. And I'm trying to figure out how to will them to change. I wouldn't blame yourself entirely. Reading your past posts, and if they are honest, which there is no reason not to think so, its not one sided either way. I'm sad to see yet another thread go the way of the frequent gender wars here on LS. I have a computer game called that. You could be the men or the women and you shoot each other. Stupid. I always wished that when I was down to my last man, I could sell myself to all the women. This has nothing to do with anything, but it came to mind. And where else am I going to be able to talk about this stupid game. But I don't think it's that easy - to just assign blame to one gender or the other, based on stereotypical gender traits. People that just shoot out blame are not thinking and are actually feeding their own self-righteousness and feeding their egos. I think almost everyone here is guilty of that to some degree. Most forget there is an actual person on the other side of the thread. I don't believe anyone is here on LS because they are entirely happy or don't have problems. At least not the ones outside of the 'Water cooler' thread. And I'm sure that somewhere, there's some MAN who fell out of attraction for his WOMAN... Yes, in all seriousness that is me. And she gave me reason to. More than once. I am trying to get that back. At the very least I am not discouraging any attempt to get it back. But she is not making it easy. I even could have cheated. I will post this some day. But yes, I fear not I not only fell out of attraction, but being in love as well, which is two different things in my world. I think usually, there are issues specific to the particular relationship in question, and the particular individuals in it. No one can know all the baggage between two people except those two people. It's silly to try to issue judgment on something that as a casual observer (of just ONE side of the story, mind you - my situation included) one can never fully understand. And sometimes you have so much baggage you actually forget some of it. There is no easy answer. My problem is I am actually creating baggage of my own as a result of her past transgressions. Ok. I feel better now that I got that out. Carry on. **Now back to our regular programming: Men vs Women and the Gender Stereotypes that We Hate about Each Other.** Believe it or not, I am neutral on the men and women thing. I don't pick sides (unless the chick is really REALLY hot...meow!)
jcster Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 we as a culture, as a society have become so obsessed with SELF and ME that we no longer view interpersonal relationships as being something you are bound to - they are disposable and easily replaced. How very sad.Well said. whoa dude...you all are so very deep...I am soooooo ashamed.... <<hangs head>>> audience cries...... ....<<snork>>
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