Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 There's a difference between controlling your emotions and turning them off. What you described was in essence ignoring one's own feelings. What would be the point? What does it serve? Is happiness not the point of marriage? What other possible motivation might there be? And, if one isn't happy, why should one feel obligated to perform elaborate mental gymnastics to maintain it? I think we look at life very differently. Yes, because happiness is the basis of the circle of life... What is happiness btw? Isn't it an emotion, one that everything you do in life is done to achieve it. Not sure about you, but that's what I would be called being ruled by emotion. Hell, why not just shoot up heroine if you want to feel good all the time. The point of marriage (at it's basic function) is to start a family, raise children and pass along your genes. Elaborate mental gymnastics... is that what you consider logic and reasoning? I'm sorry that we live in an instant gratification society and that's what you consider acceptable, but some of us believe in putting in hard work and feeling a sense of accomplishment... rather than treating everything as disposable.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 In my case no. I loved him, respected him but just could not match his level of attraction to me - or his libido. On the rare occasions that I was attracted to other men, I still found my ex to be more attractive. Which is why I think a part of this might be physiological. As a guy you can only be so sensetive before you realize its actually an insecurity, and you can only be so impervious to such things before you realize that your just indifferent. What I'm saying is that he shouldnt be upset unless you are denying him some affection that he needs!
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I never wanted to be objective, nor do I need to be objective. I'm unhappy and I don't want to listen to you and you can't make me... neener, neener, neener. There I fixed it for you, I believe this is what you were trying to actually say.
jcster Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 There I fixed it for you, I believe this is what you were trying to actually say. Whatever blows your kilt up.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 There's a difference between controlling your emotions and turning them off. What you described was in essence ignoring one's own feelings. What would be the point? What does it serve? Is happiness not the point of marriage? What other possible motivation might there be? And, if one isn't happy, why should one feel obligated to perform elaborate mental gymnastics to maintain it? I think we look at life very differently. Realize that there comes a point where your just not allowing yourself to be happy. You have everything you should need, yet your not feeling it. Why? Your advocating bieng an emotional couch potatoe? Which seems healthier to you? When you get lazy in your relationships, you hurt yourself and you hurt others. No, Im not saying that you completly ingnore your feelings... I'm not sure thats practical or possible. I'm saying get a grip on them, steer them in a positive direction. It's really not that hard once you start to try. I promise!
Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 So what the women are saying here is that basically most women will fall out of love anyway and become repulsed by their men. That seems to be the case with what I witness around and if that is the case why is it worth it for a man to make any commitment at all? If it is just going to blow up in our faces the minute she no longer feels it why not just date women until they fall out of love then move on to the next one? People say I am paranoifd when I fear my wife will walk out but when you look at trends I don't think I am being so paranoid.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 So what the women are saying here is that basically most women will fall out of love anyway and become repulsed by their men. That seems to be the case with what I witness around and if that is the case why is it worth it for a man to make any commitment at all? If it is just going to blow up in our faces the minute she no longer feels it why not just date women until they fall out of love then move on to the next one? People say I am paranoifd when I fear my wife will walk out but when you look at trends I don't think I am being so paranoid. LOL... reading what you just said Wog... I realized that is pretty much what I do!
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 So what the women are saying here is that basically most women will fall out of love anyway and become repulsed by their men. That seems to be the case with what I witness around and if that is the case why is it worth it for a man to make any commitment at all? If it is just going to blow up in our faces the minute she no longer feels it why not just date women until they fall out of love then move on to the next one? People say I am paranoifd when I fear my wife will walk out but when you look at trends I don't think I am being so paranoid. They're not all like that, but unfortunately it seems to be the trend. Some women actually know how to control their emotions/thoughts.
Kamille Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Are we talking about attraction or libido? There's quite a big difference. TBH, once I get to know someone, I rarely consider them anything but the person (not the appearance). Sure there's times when we're not in the mood or you notice imperfections in your partner... that's normal. Letting them affect you to such a massive degree isn't normal though. I think you might be on to something - at least for me. Maybe I do confuse attraction for libido. But then, so did my ex. I wonder if it would have changed anything though because the main issue for him was he couldn't help but feel that my lack of libido meant I wasn't attracted to him. And then I started questionning whether or not I was attracted to him. As in, I started wondering if maybe I wouldn't be more into sex if I was more attracted to him. As a guy you can only be so sensetive before you realize its actually an insecurity, and you can only be so impervious to such things before you realize that your just indifferent. What I'm saying is that he shouldnt be upset unless you are denying him some affection that he needs! Oh I never denied any affection, but there, again I tend to be someone who likes to be left alone once in awhile. Hmmm.... I am kind of like a cat... sometimes I really love a good belly rub, sometimes I would rather just sit there and not be bothered. Kamille, much of what you've written in this thread..WOW! Feels like the pages out of my diary. I have no idea why certain people find it difficult to establish/sustain attraction. It comes so easily for some...and for others...well... I thought I was the only one. Until my current relationship, I honestly thought there was something wrong with me. I would go through my childhood, my past experiences, my interpersonal relationships, etc...whatever I could to try to figure out why it was so hard for me. It is so alienating...that feeling. Kind of like watching things pass you by...not being able to touch it. I mean, what is chemistry really? I still don't know. Can't explain it. It either is or isn't. Ocean, you say that you don't have that same situation with your current boyfriend? It is true that I never used to have that situation until I started doing a phd. Maybe it's stress related. But then my previous boyfriends were not as affectionnate as my last ex either.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 So what the women are saying here is that basically most women will fall out of love anyway and become repulsed by their men. That seems to be the case with what I witness around and if that is the case why is it worth it for a man to make any commitment at all? If it is just going to blow up in our faces the minute she no longer feels it why not just date women until they fall out of love then move on to the next one? People say I am paranoifd when I fear my wife will walk out but when you look at trends I don't think I am being so paranoid. You're not being paranoid. The situation is that women are constantly chased by men, so they inevitably begin comparing their partners to the men that proposition them. And given the fact that the most aggressive and libidinous men are generally the youngest and best looking, women begin to hate their partners for denying them the opportunity to have great sex. Thats why there are so many husbands letting their wife swing. Just look around the internet if you want to become truly disgusted. You'll see some of the humiliations men acquiesce to to hold on to their wives....women looking for hugely hung guys and fit college boys and all with their husband's consent
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I am not going to type long paragraphs but simply put most women are unpleasable. They set up this fantasy in their head that no man can possibly live up to and when the man shows some signs of being a human being they start feeling resentment and anger towards him because he is not what they created in their head. Men deal with relationships with a much more reality based approach. This is very true. My theory about Islam is that most of them don't really believe in Allah, but that they are petrified of liberating their women for fear of what has happened in the West
Cobra_X30 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Thats why there are so many husbands letting their wife swing. Just look around the internet if you want to become truly disgusted. You'll see some of the humiliations men acquiesce to to hold on to their wives....women looking for hugely hung guys and fit college boys and all with their husband's consent ?? LOL... Your referencing porn sites as evidence? Sounds like a personal problem to me!
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 This is very true. My theory about Islam is that most of them don't really believe in Allah, but that they are petrified of liberating their women for fear of what has happened in the West ROFL, that made my sides hurt.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 ?? LOL... Your referencing porn sites as evidence? Sounds like a personal problem to me! Not porn sites, but stuff like adultfriendfinder
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I can only speak for myself as one women. My physical attraction tends to manifest as a desire to snuggle, kiss, physically merge with another person I love...not always sex per se. Sex is very nice, but it's not the main attraction for me. Perhaps it's that I've never reached orgasm, but I think it's more than just that. Sex feels slightly less personal and intimate to me than other forms of physical affection. Maybe it's because I know that for guys sex isn't an emotional thing...if it was then the sex would feel more special to me.
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 You're not being paranoid. The situation is that women are constantly chased by men, so they inevitably begin comparing their partners to the men that proposition them. And given the fact that the most aggressive and libidinous men are generally the youngest and best looking, women begin to hate their partners for denying them the opportunity to have great sex. Thats why there are so many husbands letting their wife swing. Just look around the internet if you want to become truly disgusted. You'll see some of the humiliations men acquiesce to to hold on to their wives....women looking for hugely hung guys and fit college boys and all with their husband's consent You know, there's something a miss when I read this and kind of see where he's coming form. I think he's taken the extreme view on it, but I could imagine some of what he said as being possible... hmmm... maybe I'll become gay, then I won't have to deal with overly-emotional women.
Darkzen Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I can only speak for myself as one women. My physical attraction tends to manifest as a desire to snuggle, kiss, physically merge with another person I love...not always sex per se. Sex is very nice, but it's not the main attraction for me. Perhaps it's that I've never reached orgasm, but I think it's more than just that. Sex feels slightly less personal and intimate to me than other forms of physical affection. Maybe it's because I know that for guys sex isn't an emotional thing...if it was then the sex would feel more special to me. You poor, poor women... I would like to deeply apologize for all of your lack-luster lovers in the past.
Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I admit that during my most misogynistic times I actually started thinkiong the muslims were onto something and most of them are not like the Taliban and Al Queda types. I know how wrong it would be to treat half the population like that though. If you live in a community with a lot of immigrants you will see the difference in women and relationships between men and women compared to how a lot of American women deal with things. Where I live there are a lot of Eastern Europeans that come here to work during the summer and the women are beautiful and have great personalities to match. Sure some American women might call these women doormats but at least they don't chase after players and MM. They actually know how to appreciate a good man but would never put up with being mistreated. My wife has traveled all over the world and finds American culture empty and soulless so maybe that is why she is so different from your average western woman.
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 You poor, poor women... I would like to deeply apologize for all of your lack-luster lovers in the past. Thanks, but I think it's my problem more than anything. I haven't been able to reach orgasm even on my own. I'm still fairly young, though, so I guess I have time.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I admit that during my most misogynistic times I actually started thinkiong the muslims were onto something and most of them are not like the Taliban and Al Queda types. I can totally see you with a beard and a Hamas headband
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I admit that during my most misogynistic times I actually started thinkiong the muslims were onto something and most of them are not like the Taliban and Al Queda types. I know how wrong it would be to treat half the population like that though. If you live in a community with a lot of immigrants you will see the difference in women and relationships between men and women compared to how a lot of American women deal with things. Where I live there are a lot of Eastern Europeans that come here to work during the summer and the women are beautiful and have great personalities to match. Sure some American women might call these women doormats but at least they don't chase after players and MM. They actually know how to appreciate a good man but would never put up with being mistreated. My wife has traveled all over the world and finds American culture empty and soulless so maybe that is why she is so different from your average western woman. Or maybe they just fear men more. Would you rather beat a woman into submission? Do you think that would make her love you more? Out of curiosity, what was your mother like growing up? What is your relationship like with her now?
burning 4 revenge Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Out of curiosity, what was your mother like growing up? What is your relationship like with her now?Oh snap, don't ask that question......
Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Or maybe they just fear men more. Would you rather beat a woman into submission? Do you think that would make her love you more? Out of curiosity, what was your mother like growing up? What is your relationship like with her now? That is not it at all. Why is it that whenever a woman knows how to treat a man and knows how to be a decent partner that it means she fears men or is a doormat? The same women that would call these women doormats will then turn around and chase after MM, players and pretty much the worst the male gender has to offer so is the real doormat? I have written quite a bit on the relationship with my mother and it is not good at all.
shadowplay Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I have written quite a bit on the relationship with my mother and it is not good at all. could you give me the cliff's notes version?
Woggle Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 could you give me the cliff's notes version? She hated men and used me as her punching to take out her anger towards the male gender.
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